Have you ever been told, or told yourself, that you just need to try harder to be normal? In this episode I look at where that idea comes from, why Western society and capitalism are built around such a narrow picture of a good worker or a good person, and why I don’t think you need fixing.

• The “ideal person” we’re measured against, and why asking “what is wrong with me?” is the wrong question
• A speculative look at how ADHD and autistic traits may have been useful to early human groups
• Queer and trans history: homosexuality was classed as a mental disorder until 1973 (APA) and 1990 (WHO), and the roots of anti-LGBTQ+ laws in colonialism
• Gender-diverse roles across cultures, including the Hijra in South Asia and two-spirit people in North America
• Same-sex pairing in the animal kingdom, from albatrosses to bonobos to penguins
• A small thing to try: next time you think “what’s wrong with me?”, ask “what is this trait good for?” and “where am I being asked to do a job I’m not built for?”

Struggling in a world that wasn’t built for you does not make you broken. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment on YouTube or message me through my website, neuroqueeragenda.com

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Have you ever been told a room is a safe space and not felt safe in it? That happens more often than people admit, and it’s a big topic for neuroqueer folk. In this episode I talk about what makes a space feel safe, why comfortable and safe are not the same thing, and what I’ve learned from being misgendered on a 12-week course.

• The ground rules I use when I run a group, and why I use the word comfortable rather than safe
• Why safety is felt in your nervous system, and why only you can judge it, moment by moment
• Why “put your pens and phones down” doesn’t work for everyone, and what regulation can look like instead
• Ideas for workshop facilitators, from fidget toys and choice of seating to camera-off options and permission to move around
• A small thing to try: next time you’re in a group, notice what helps you feel regulated and seen

If you run workshops, I’d love to know what you do to make them safer. If you attend them, think about what helps you. And if this episode could help someone you know, or a facilitator who needs to hear it, please send them the link to this episode.

Get notified of all episodes and any bonus content! Visit neuroqueeragenda.com.

If LGBTQIA+ has only ever half fitted you, you’re not alone. In this episode I unpack why “queer” became the word I could finally call home, and why my definition stretches a little further than the acronym does. We look at Gayle Rubin’s Charmed Circle and ask what neurotypical has to do with heteronormativity. There’s also a small, low-pressure thing to try afterwards.

• Why I use queer for myself, the worry about not being “queer enough”, and why it’s still a slur for some people (and that’s OK)
• Gayle Rubin’s Charmed Circle from the 1980s, and how it divides “good” and “bad” sex
• Why I see that line as the line between heteronormativity and queerness, and who historically wrote the rules
• Early thoughts on whether neurotypical and normativity are closer than they look (I’m still working on this one)
• A small task: notice one rule about how you should love, dress or behave that you picked up by default, and ask whose rule it is

People don’t fit into nice, neat boxes, so why should you have to fit into one in coaching? Neuroqueer coaching starts with your whole identity and builds from there. If you’d like to talk, I offer a free consultation: https://emmaleadleycoach.com.

References:

- Gayle Ruben – introduced the "Charmed Circle" as a theoretical framework in her 1984 essay, "Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality".

- Kimberlé Crenshaw – introduced the term ‘intersectionality’ in her essay, "Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex," to point out how anti-discrimination law and early feminist theory failed Black women.

Get notified of all episodes and any bonus content! Visit neuroqueeragenda.com.