Episode 14: So Let Them Burn Pt. 2: People Pleasing

In this episode of the Nerdy Psychologist Book Club, we welcome back our friend and colleague, licensed marriage and family therapist Shayla Allen for a continuation of So Let Them Burn by Kamilah Cole; this time, focusing on the character Elara and the psychology of people pleasing. We explore Elara’s role as the dependable older sister living in the shadow of her divinely chosen sibling, Faron, and how her self-sacrificing nature reflects classic people-pleasing patterns: overcommitment, fear of disappointing others, and postponing her own needs in the hopes of approval and stability.

Well...we used her as a starting point to talk about our own people pleasing tendencies. So, actually, we are now the recovering people pleasers book club. All people pleasers welcome; no worries if not, whatever works best for you!

Join us as we unpack our own issues a tiny bit, drink our fun drink, "The People Pleaser" and find out what happens when people stop being polite and start being real....with themselves. (You know we had to get that real world reference in there!).

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The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club is produced by Brandi Hawk, Ph.D. and Deanna Boys, M.A.

Special Guest: Shayla Allen, LMFT

Photography-Lighting-Audio Mixer: Matthew Kadi

Original Animation-Foley-Bartender/Mixologist: Lee Klemens

Original Music-Editing: Deanna Boys, M.A.

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Want to be a guest on The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club? Or want us to be a guest on yours? Send Brandi Hawk a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/thenerdypsychologistbookclub

In this episode of The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club, we are joined by our friend and colleague Shayla Allen LMFT to start our conversation about So Let Them Burn by Kamilah Cole. So Let Them Burn is a fun fantasy novel with dragons, magic, and teenagers going to war imbued with god like power-it is a pretty cool story.

We pick apart the main character, Faron, who has a direct line to the gods, can channel their power but also starts making risky and dangerous choices. With Faron as our representative of the book, we talk about a very big part of adolescent development: Egocentrism. We explain about two big parts of egocentrism: the “imaginary audience,” and the “personal fable.”

We talk about our own risky teen behaviors, the current impact of social media, parenting dynamics, and the challenge of forming identity during adolescence. We also explore deeper themes of truth, shame, and accountability, questioning what it means to “live in your truth” when you’ve been shaped by conflicting narratives.

Come along with us while we sip our themed cocktail, "The Expert Liar" and chat with us about the psychology of growing up, making mistakes, and learning who you are. Oh! And Deanna did finish the book in time-just barely though!

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The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club is produced by Brandi Hawk, Ph.D. and Deanna Boys, M.A.

Photography-Lighting-Audio Mixer: Matthew Kadi

Original Animation-Foley-Bartender/Mixologist: Lee Klemens

Original Music-Editing: Deanna Boys, M.A.

Follow us on the socials!

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Instagram

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Want to be a guest on The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club? Or want us to be a guest on yours? Send Brandi Hawk a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/thenerdypsychologistbookclub

In our final installment on Fable for the End of the World, the Nerdy Psychologist Book Club explores one of the story’s most frustrating characters: Inesa’s mother. In Fable for the End of the World, Inesa's mother, Janina is the one that racks up so much debt that she puts her own daughter into the Gauntlet to be hunted down by the Angel assassins. Brandi and Deanna talk about some of the reasons why a parent would do such a thing to their child. Deanna gets stuck on The Betrayal of it all (our themed cocktail!) and Brandi uses her clinical expertise to try to get Deanna to empathize with Janina –just a tiny bit.

We talk about the whys (society, personal history and mental illnesses) that contribute to making a villain like Janina. And we touch on why it is important to get to know more about why villains do what they do but we can and should hold both empathy and accountability at the same time (dialectical thinking!)

PS-next month we are reading "So Let Them Burn" by Kamilah Cole! We are excited to get that going in May. (PPS-Find out whether Deanna was able to finish the book in time for filming! Come join us next time!)

*Explicit language warning-we do cuss a little ;) *

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The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club is produced by Brandi Hawk, Ph.D. and Deanna Boys, M.A.

Photography-Lighting-Audio Mixer: Matthew Kadi

Original Animation-Foley-Bartender/Mixologist: Lee Klemens

Original Music-Editing: Deanna Boys, M.A.

Follow us on the socials!

YouTube

Instagram

Facebook

Want to be a guest on The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club? Or want us to be a guest on yours? Send Brandi Hawk a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/thenerdypsychologistbookclub