Episode 14: So Let Them Burn Pt. 2: People Pleasing

In this episode of the Nerdy Psychologist Book Club, we welcome back our friend and colleague, licensed marriage and family therapist Shayla Allen for a continuation of So Let Them Burn by Kamilah Cole; this time, focusing on the character Elara and the psychology of people pleasing. We explore Elara’s role as the dependable older sister living in the shadow of her divinely chosen sibling, Faron, and how her self-sacrificing nature reflects classic people-pleasing patterns: overcommitment, fear of disappointing others, and postponing her own needs in the hopes of approval and stability.

Well...we used her as a starting point to talk about our own people pleasing tendencies. So, actually, we are now the recovering people pleasers book club. All people pleasers welcome; no worries if not, whatever works best for you!

Join us as we unpack our own issues a tiny bit, drink our fun drink, "The People Pleaser" and find out what happens when people stop being polite and start being real....with themselves. (You know we had to get that real world reference in there!).

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The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club is produced by Brandi Hawk, Ph.D. and Deanna Boys, M.A.

Special Guest: Shayla Allen, LMFT

Photography-Lighting-Audio Mixer: Matthew Kadi

Original Animation-Foley-Bartender/Mixologist: Lee Klemens

Original Music-Editing: Deanna Boys, M.A.

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Want to be a guest on The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club? Or want us to be a guest on yours? Send Brandi Hawk a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/thenerdypsychologistbookclub

In this episode of The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club, we are joined by our friend and colleague Shayla Allen LMFT to start our conversation about So Let Them Burn by Kamilah Cole. So Let Them Burn is a fun fantasy novel with dragons, magic, and teenagers going to war imbued with god like power-it is a pretty cool story.

We pick apart the main character, Faron, who has a direct line to the gods, can channel their power but also starts making risky and dangerous choices. With Faron as our representative of the book, we talk about a very big part of adolescent development: Egocentrism. We explain about two big parts of egocentrism: the “imaginary audience,” and the “personal fable.”

We talk about our own risky teen behaviors, the current impact of social media, parenting dynamics, and the challenge of forming identity during adolescence. We also explore deeper themes of truth, shame, and accountability, questioning what it means to “live in your truth” when you’ve been shaped by conflicting narratives.

Come along with us while we sip our themed cocktail, "The Expert Liar" and chat with us about the psychology of growing up, making mistakes, and learning who you are. Oh! And Deanna did finish the book in time-just barely though!

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The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club is produced by Brandi Hawk, Ph.D. and Deanna Boys, M.A.

Photography-Lighting-Audio Mixer: Matthew Kadi

Original Animation-Foley-Bartender/Mixologist: Lee Klemens

Original Music-Editing: Deanna Boys, M.A.

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Want to be a guest on The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club? Or want us to be a guest on yours? Send Brandi Hawk a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/thenerdypsychologistbookclub

In our final installment on Fable for the End of the World, the Nerdy Psychologist Book Club explores one of the story’s most frustrating characters: Inesa’s mother. In Fable for the End of the World, Inesa's mother, Janina is the one that racks up so much debt that she puts her own daughter into the Gauntlet to be hunted down by the Angel assassins. Brandi and Deanna talk about some of the reasons why a parent would do such a thing to their child. Deanna gets stuck on The Betrayal of it all (our themed cocktail!) and Brandi uses her clinical expertise to try to get Deanna to empathize with Janina –just a tiny bit.

We talk about the whys (society, personal history and mental illnesses) that contribute to making a villain like Janina. And we touch on why it is important to get to know more about why villains do what they do but we can and should hold both empathy and accountability at the same time (dialectical thinking!)

PS-next month we are reading "So Let Them Burn" by Kamilah Cole! We are excited to get that going in May. (PPS-Find out whether Deanna was able to finish the book in time for filming! Come join us next time!)

*Explicit language warning-we do cuss a little ;) *

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The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club is produced by Brandi Hawk, Ph.D. and Deanna Boys, M.A.

Photography-Lighting-Audio Mixer: Matthew Kadi

Original Animation-Foley-Bartender/Mixologist: Lee Klemens

Original Music-Editing: Deanna Boys, M.A.

Follow us on the socials!

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Want to be a guest on The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club? Or want us to be a guest on yours? Send Brandi Hawk a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/thenerdypsychologistbookclub

In this episode of The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club, Brandi and Deanna jump back into the dystopian world of Fable for the End of the World. We set out to tackle sexism in the drowned world of Inesa and Melinoë and this part of the dystopian world is not far from our real world.

From benevolent sexism that sounds nice but reinforces inequality, to hostile sexism and outright misogyny, we chat about how these dynamics show up in the book, and obvi in real life. Through the book we explore how power, control, and gender roles shape behavior, relationships, and gender-based violence.

We also talk about things like paternalism, gender roles, and heterosexual desire and also about some pretty sad real life things.

It would not be a Nerdy Psych Book Club if we did not have our themed cocktail: Don’t Let the Bastards Get You Down, and this one really sneaks up on ya-recipe in Lee's Cocktail Corner in the Patreon. And as always, full video on YouTube.

Sexism is everywhere and we don't have an easy answer on how to fix it, but we both think it is important to name it and call it out when you see it-even to your friends!! Because sometimes the best way to understand the world (and survive it) is to name what’s broken and talk about it together.

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The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club is produced by Brandi Hawk, Ph.D. and Deanna Boys, M.A.

Photography-Lighting-Audio Mixer: Matthew Kadi

Original Animation-Foley-Bartender/Mixologist: Lee Klemens

Original Music-Editing: Deanna Boys, M.A.

Follow us on the socials!

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Want to be a guest on The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club? Or want us to be a guest on yours? Send Brandi Hawk a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/thenerdypsychologistbookclub

*Heavy content warning*-while we are talking about a dystopian fiction novel and fictional characters, some of the concepts we discuss are real-life and can be pretty heavy to listen to. Feel free to come back to this one when you feel ready.

In this episode of The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club, Brandi and Deanna dive further into the haunting world of Fable for the End of the World by Ava Reid, unpacking the psychological toll of trauma through the lens of one of its most complex characters: Melinoë, the “angel” assassin. We explore how Melinoë copes with the unbearable reality of her role in the brutal Gauntlet: a deadly spectacle where children are hunted to pay off inherited debts. (Brandi says sorry to Deanna for making her read another book where children are k*lled)

"Fable" brings up the concepts of “wiping,” and “echoing," and we talk about how these mirror the different ways people attempt to manage traumatic memories. Melinoë’s forced memory erasure sounds a lot like real-life avoidance strategies like substance use, overworking, and emotional numbing. We also get in our feelings again when we talk about the portrayal of “echoing” and why this is *not* exposure therapy! We also talk about how and why true healing requires safety, skill-building, and connection with others. As Melinoë begins to recover fragments of her past and share them with Inesa, we see the transformative power of empathy and trust. Shame begins to loosen its grip, and something unexpected emerges: the ability to feel again.

We've got our themed mocktail (“The Memory Wipe”), Deanna almost gives a Star Trek reference but stops herself, Brandi describes her actual perfect ending for the next book, and we really really really want you to know it is important to talk to a safe person about your trauma and that "wiping" (blocking things out) really doesn't work for long; something seems to keep those memories coming back.

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The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club is produced by Brandi Hawk, Ph.D. and Deanna Boys, M.A.

Photography-Lighting-Audio Mixer: Matthew Kadi

Original Animation-Foley-Bartender/Mixologist: Lee Klemens

Original Music-Editing: Deanna Boys, M.A.

Follow us on the socials!

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Want to be a guest on The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club? Or want us to be a guest on yours? Send Brandi Hawk a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/thenerdypsychologistbookclub

Get ready for a sweet and heartfelt kickoff to a brand-new book for the month of April. In this episode of The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club, Brandi and Deanna jump into Fable for the End of the World with their usual mix of banter, side stories, and psychological insight. From mispronounced names to rage over that infuriating ending, our hosts take you on an emotional rollercoaster that mirrors the book itself.

At the heart of the discussion is Inesa, a compassionate, “loves-the-unloved” heroine navigating a brutal, dystopian world and what it really means to live in alignment with your values when everything around you says not to. We talk about kindness vs. survival, peer pressure, and those all-too-relatable moments when our actions don’t quite match who we want to be.

And oh my gosh, there is enemies-to-lovers scenes-WLW scenes!!! We gush over the cabin scenes, and that devastating ending that had us ready to throw the book (Deanna did actually throw the book)… but also we can't wait for the sequel.

Join us as we chat, sip our cocktail-"Drowned World" (and not spill it this time!) giggle, and chat about real-life reflections on compassion, connection, and staying true to yourself; this episode is equal parts therapy session and fangirl meltdown and you won’t want to miss a second.

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The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club is produced by Brandi Hawk, Ph.D. and Deanna Boys, M.A.

Photography-Lighting-Audio Mixer: Matthew Kadi

Original Animation-Foley-Bartender/Mixologist: Lee Klemens

Original Music-Editing: Deanna Boys, M.A.

Follow us on the socials!

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Want to be a guest on The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club? Send Brandi Hawk a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/thenerdypsychologistbookclub

🎉 Surprise Bonus Episode: What Are We Really Reading?! 🦖📚

Surprise!! We just couldn't stay away from you all. In this delightfully silly (pro-tip-this was filmed after 2 drinks....) bonus episode of The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club, Brandi and Deanna take a break from their usual deep dive format and answer the question every book lover secretly waits for: “What else are you reading right now?”

Join us for a fun jump back into the vault of our first book Sunrise on the Reaping, and a nice little spiral with Deanna's unexpected (but very passionate) love proclamation of dinosaurs.

We also make a quick return to the world of Panem where we swap thoughts on favorite and least favorite characters. From love for fierce, scene-stealing Maysilee to strong feelings (*cough**cough* Drusilla); we think this is just a fun little bumper to get you through your day.

It’s cozy, candid, and full of the kind of bookish tangents that make you feel like you’re right there in our clubhouse🖤

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The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club is produced by Brandi Hawk, Ph.D. and Deanna Boys, M.A.

Photography-Lighting-Audio Mixer: Matthew Kadi

Original Animation-Sounds-Bartender/Mixologist: Lee Klemens

Original Music-Editing: Deanna Boys, M.A.

Follow us on the socials!

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Want to be a guest on The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club? Send Brandi Hawk a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/thenerdypsychologistbookclub

We’re wrapping up Heir with one last episode -and this one goes straight into the feels. 💙 Join us (and returning guest Dr. Brandi Liles!) as we unpack the heartbreak, healing, and very real psychology behind Quil and Sufiyan’s journeys through loss and complicated grief.

From the chaos of the “Sea of Suffering” (obvi we have our themed cocktail 🍹) to the complexities of trauma, grief, and guilt. We explore what happens when loss isn’t just painful, it’s also just so complicated. We chat about avoidance, coping mechanisms, shame, sadness and loss. Also, how do love, memory, and connection help us move forward even when it hurts?

Come for the thoughtful insights, a few laughs (I mean-surprise-surprise we are talking about death again), a spilled drink (literally), and a powerful reminder: grief exists because love does, and feeling it might just be the bravest thing we can do.

✨ Come for the fantasy, stay for the psychology, and leave with a deeper understanding of what it means to be human.

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The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club is produced by Brandi Hawk, Ph.D. and Deanna Boys, M.A.

Photography-Lighting-Audio Mixer: Matthew Kadi

Original Animation-Sounds-Bartender/Mixologist: Lee Klemens

Original Music-Editing: Deanna Boys, M.A.

Follow us on the socials!

YouTube

Instagram

Facebook

Want to be a guest on The Nerdy Psychologist Book Club? Send Brandi Hawk a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/thenerdypsychologistbookclub