Me Too happened years ago. How the hell are we still here?

The allegations involving Jane Doe and seven Cornell fraternity members are horrific. But the conversation underneath the headline—about entitlement, loyalty, consent, and whose future we protect—is one we need to have.

Inspired by Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy conversation with philosopher Kate Manne, I unpack how patriarchy hurts women and men, why “he’s a good guy” doesn’t answer questions about his behavior, and what real protection looks like when speaking up could cost you your friends’ approval.

I share my own medical experience with ketamine, revisit Caroline’s belief that her little boy friend would stop someone from being mean, and explore how we can raise children who respect boundaries and care enough to intervene.

As a mother, I want my daughter to grow up knowing her dignity never depends on being a “perfect victim.” This conversation offers practical language for challenging victim blaming—and turning outrage into everyday action.

Content note: Discussion of sexual assault, drug-related incapacitation, and explicit language. The Cornell case involves allegations; the legal process matters.

I haven’t been on a first date in about a year—and after this recap, you’ll understand why. From dating photos pulled from the archives to men waiting for me to follow up, I’m sharing the experiences that wore me out—and the $60 Hinge experiment that was supposed to get my mojo back.

I’m getting into:

• Being open-minded versus talking myself out of what I want.
• Wanting effort without having to teach someone how to make it.
• Being happy for my partnered friends while wondering, “When is my turn?”
• Missing physical intimacy—and feeling “revirginalized.”
• Why “it happens when you stop looking” is driving me absolutely insane.

I also open with my reaction to the disturbing allegations in the Cornell Seven case.

This is an honest, occasionally furious conversation about having a full life and still wanting someone to share it with. I’m not going to settle. I’m just tired—and I suspect I’m not alone.

Send this episode to a single friend who gets it, and tell me: how are you staying open to love without letting the search wear you out?

Content note: Strong language, sexual discussion, and a brief opening discussion of sexual violence.

Shana Swain has a way of turning a stranger into a friend—and a Wednesday dinner into a story you’ll still be thinking about days later.

I met Shana nearly six years ago while she was bartending at Zen. Now we work together in real estate, and I wanted to know how she built the kind of Charleston community where seemingly everyone knows her. Her answer starts with paying attention to people.

We talk about the regulars who became family, the connections that helped her change careers, and what it’s really like to build a life for two daughters as a single mom. We also get into money, hard seasons, the joy of finally eating all the avocados before they go bad, and a swimming opportunity that brought Shana face to face with four generations of her family’s history.

Shana tells a story like nobody else. I loved getting to follow wherever this conversation went.

I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at 21, but for the next two decades, my understanding of it was basically: I have trouble concentrating.

Now, after my 8-year-old daughter's ADHD diagnosis, I’m realizing just how much that explanation left out.

In this episode, I’m getting into the actual neuroscience behind so many everyday ADHD experiences: dopamine and norepinephrine, the prefrontal cortex, attention regulation, hyperfocus, task initiation, working memory, time blindness, impulsivity, emotional regulation, masking—and why boring-but-important tasks like homework and taxes can feel so damn hard to start.

I also look at what happens when you take an ADHD brain and add major grief and chronic stress. I revisit a painful experience from my divorce that I understand very differently now that I know more about what may have been happening inside my brain.

We also talk about how ADHD was understood when we were kids versus what we know now, what I’m doing differently for Caroline, her new 504 plan, ADHD in midlife women, and why understanding your brain isn’t about making excuses—it’s about replacing shame with information and finding strategies that actually work.

And yes: homework is basically taxes for 8-year-olds.

Why are some women irresistibly drawn to a man in uniform—while others immediately see a red flag?

In this episode, Lara explores what a uniform can symbolize: competence, discipline, courage, service, protection, and the reassuring possibility that someone else knows what to do in an emergency.

She traces that attraction from her father’s work as a coal-mine engineer and mine-rescue team member, through Virginia Tech’s Corps of Cadets—and the formative influence of dress-whites day—to her experiences loving and dating men whose relationships with power looked very different.

Along the way, Lara discusses male initiation, the symbols versus the substance of masculinity, why boys are often taught to suppress vulnerable emotions, and the man who could walk toward a live bomb—but found love even more frightening.

She also shares a sweet field-trip story about Caroline, a protective classmate, and some fiercely guarded pickles that offers hope for the next generation of boys and girls.

This isn’t an argument against masculine strength. It’s an invitation to expand our definition of courage enough to include the heart.

Mentioned in this episode: Men Talking Mindfulness

Season 2 is here!

In this episode, I’m catching you up on a summer full of small milestones, big feelings, and a few unexpected realizations: Caroline’s pierced ears, a brutal new school schedule, her ADHD diagnosis and the grief it stirred up in me, one year of multigenerational living, and the financial reality behind that decision.

I also talk honestly about motherhood, career, comparison, and the impossible pressure women feel to be ambitious and present at the same time — especially when you’re the only income in the household.

Plus: why Dolly Parton and Gloria Steinem had me thinking about feminism and choice, why I’m telling everyone to listen to Mandy Matney’s reporting on the Mica Miller story, the emotional significance of my missing beach towels, blocking a man I wasn’t even dating, and the relief of learning my dad’s health scare was not cancer.

This season, I want to go a little deeper — not just into what happens in midlife, but why it matters.

Welcome back to Midlife Mess.

Originally released in January of 2026 as Episode 7, Lara sits down with her therapist, Kelly Quarles, for a real-life look at what healing can actually feel like—messy, layered, hopeful, and very human. Kelly shares her path from journalism to trauma therapy, why she believes trauma isn’t only “big T” events, and how therapy can help when your world flips upside down.

Together, they revisit Lara’s early days in therapy after a major life upheaval—grieving the loss of the life she thought she had, the friendships that fell apart, and a future dream (including the possibility of another baby) that suddenly felt out of reach. Kelly names what Lara was carrying: complex grief, stacked in layers, and validates that “being strong” doesn’t mean rushing past sadness.

They also get practical about mental health support: Lara opens up about antidepressants, a tough attempt to taper off, and how medication can be a powerful tool to “turn the volume down” enough to do the deeper work.

The conversation closes on growth—Lara’s breakthroughs, new parts of her personality emerging, and even the “fun” healing goals (a tattoo, touching a snake, and skydiving… two out of three so far). They also touch on parenting, why men need therapy, and why therapy can be useful even when you’re not in crisis—and healing isn’t a straight line.

Book your appointment in Mt. Pleasant or Charleston, SC, with Kelly's team at, https://guidedhealingclinicaltherapy.com/.

For the Season 1 finale of Midlife Mess, I'm joined by my favorite guest ever—my daughter, Caroline.

We chat about summer break, dance recitals, animal reports, pool days, upcoming vacations, favorite colors, dream houses, and what it's like being 8 years old. Along the way, Caroline shares her thoughts on third grade, growing up, our pets Theo and Gracie, and life in our newly renovated (and perpetually under-construction) house.

Of course, no Midlife Mess episode would be complete without a few unexpected detours, including stories about runaway cats, backyard wildlife, and the time I had to face one of my biggest fears: a snake in the backyard.

This episode is a sweet, funny snapshot of motherhood, childhood, and the beautiful chaos of summer.

Season 2 will return when school starts back in August.

Vote for Theo in the Lowcountry Dog Magazine calendar contest:
https://www.lowcountrydog.com/modelcontest

Connect with Midlife Mess:
Instagram: @midlifemesspod

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