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💡 SPOTLIGHTED BOOK : Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office

📚 GUEST READER : Valentina Tacchino

💬 CONVERSATION HIGHLIGHTS:

• the book is very portable -- you can dip in and out
• how girls/women are educated to be "nice" and certain behavior were educated with not making the most for them in an office environment
• when being too "nice" can prevent us from standing up for ourselves or voicing our opinions
• student behaviors don't work in an office environment
• the cultural conventions and unwritten rules in within a work environment
• not wanting to confirm and "erase" yourself
• the book not asking women to be like men, but does invite you to reflect on your behaviors in relation to what men do or don't do
• make any book you read yours - don't follow it to the letter
• retaining your own personality and consciousness into reading and applying the book
• ask yourself what type of manager and leader you want to be
• unwritten rules come with any organization or community - hours in the office, dress codes, etc.
• many companies spell out the culture now, but at the time it wasn't like that
• wearing clothes that match your personality along with the unwritten rules of the industry
• sometimes you need to compromise on some things to make it easier for everyone
• mentoring people without telling people what to do
• having to change how I spoke to fit into the culture -- how you sound, how you project, when to participate, managing up, etc.
• not saying yes just because someone is your boss
• standing in your strength and in your values
• life and death moments in your career
• taking time and energy to find the way
• when saying "no" can nourish a relationship, rather than end it
• no is a powerful word in many contexts
• getting curious about someone's "no"
• personal gratification is what will keep us going
• shaking the tree, but not uprooting the tree

ℹ GUEST BIO AND LINKS:

Valentina Tacchino leads a team focused on wealth management for international clients at LGT Wealth Management. She looks after UK resident, not living in the UK and clients moving to the UK.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/valentina-tacchino-488b2a26/

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💡 SPOTLIGHTED BOOK : Unbound by Kasia Urbaniak
📚 GUEST READER : Lucy Chambers

💬 CONVERSATION HIGHLIGHTS:

• when managing 2 opposing views together ( a Taoist Nun and a Dominatrix)
• power is connected to our attention and where we direct it
• Dominant Position - attention out
• Submissive Position - attention in
• Link to coaching and coaches not setting the agenda
• power is about influence and nothing else
• both types of attention have value
• "The SMUSH" - when we flip flop between the two states of attention, or we have a foot in each state
• Incongruence occurs when our words don't match our energy - when we soften our words based on society's expectations on us
• People can smell intention - our animal body speaks more than we know/believe
• Manipulation - women get seen as this more often than men. Women fall into this SMUSH more often than men.
• Learning to ask from a place of grounded legitimacy.
• Socialized that asking correlates with weakness
• We can't have an impact and play big if we aren't willing to ask for what we want/need
• "I am not having a conversation with _____________ about ___________."
• Asking exposes our edges.
• Connecting our requests to our universal human needs.
• Asking creates an opportunity for others and gives them a new role in their life
• Be as specific as you can when making requests.
• The half ask is the SMUSH.
• Wanting people to read our minds doesn't work.
• We have a poor vocabulary for how we feel.
• Ideas need to be nourished.
• Allowing our asks to delight other people as they fulfill them.
• When our asks create a WIN-WIN.
• Asking takes vulnerability
• The toxic side of the independent woman - we don't have to do it all alone, and we are biologically leaned to connect with others.
• We don't create power siting alone in a room, but through connecting with others.
• Spend time taking things in and putting things out in the world.

📚 OTHER BOOKS/RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Imogen Roy
• Playing Big by Tara Mohr
• The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer
• Video Series : The Basics of Non-Violent Communication with Marshall Rosenberg
• Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara
• How to Start a Mistress Group Workbook

ℹ GUEST BIO AND LINKS:

Lucy Chambers is an anti-overwhelm coach and facilitator working on breaking old, broken patterns to create space for new great things. You can find and follow her at: https://facilitationmindset.substack.com/

https://www.facilitationmindset.com/

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💡 SPOTLIGHTED BOOK : First Things First by Stephen R. Covey 📚 GUEST READER : Maha Bali

💬 CONVERATION HIGHLIGHTS:

• it's a life management book and how to prioritize
• imagining the end of your life and what people will say about you
• Live, Love, Learn and Leave a Legacy
• visualization where you attend your own funeral
• when what is written on paper and what you do in real time does not match
• Do our personal goals interfere with our institution's goals?
• Switch careers in order to focus on learning and leaving a legacy
• You don't need to be balanced in all areas at all times - you might focus more on love in some phases of your life and then lean into learning and legacy in other phases
• when strong emotional labor in our work affects the rest of our life
• when we pursue a legacy that isn't ours
• education systems all have their issues
• when our pain points direct our passions and desire to "fix" things later in life
• restart works for more than computers and electronics
• leaning into what brings you joy
• opportunity gaps can cause us to choose a certain path, even if it doesn't fit for us
• when your value as a person is not remunerated financially within society
• reading books by only one demographic can be limiting
• reading things from different cultures takes additional reflection
• interacting with people from different cultures helps us understand other identities
• when you read a book by someone who lived it versus reading a book by someone who has observed the same experience
• when our looks and names get in the way of full assimilation in a country
• empathy to others oppression as an outside observer
• not forcing people into our language dynamics
• sharing learning with others and giving it freely
• share questions, not just the answers
• worry about giving the wrong knowledge

📚 OTHER BOOKS/RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
• Mindvalley - Speak and Inspire Course
• Lisa Nichols
• Belong - Radha Agrawal
• Emergent Strategy - adrienne marree brown
• Imagination : A Manifesto - Ruha Benjamin
• The Art of Gathering - Priya Parker
• The Message by Ta-Nehisi Coates

ℹ GUEST BIO AND LINKS:

Maha Bali is Professor of Practice at the Center for Learning and Teaching at the American University in Cairo. She has a PhD in Education from the University of Sheffield, UK. She is co-founder of virtuallyconnecting.org (a grassroots movement that challenges academic gatekeeping at conferences) and co-facilitator of Equity Unbound (an equity-focused, open, connected intercultural learning curriculum, which has also branched into academic community activities Continuity with Care,Socially Just Academia, a collaboration with OneHE: Community-building Resources and MYFest, an innovative 3-month professional learning journey. She writes and speaks frequently about social justice, critical pedagogy, and open and online education. She blogs regularly at https://blog.mahabali.me and tweets @bali_maha.

For Maha’s list of peer-reviewed publications, see here.

For Maha’s list of keynotes and invited talks,

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💡 SPOTLIGHTED BOOK : Wild Mind by Bill Plotkin

📚 GUEST READER : Andrei Stoicescu

💬 CONVERATION HIGHLIGHTS:

• growing from a place of unknowing
• not knowing where/when you will learn - it can happen at any time
• we often forget that we are a part of nature
• eco-psychology lens
• we live in an ecosystem and don't recognize our interdependence
• eco-centric -- start from the place of recognizing the nature and niche around us
• you can work with metaphor without understanding it
• you can live beyond knowledge and understanding
• you don't know what "cold" is before you experience it
• we communicate through our energy, not just our words
• Four facets of the self - Interpersonal View of the Self
  • Feeling Things
  • Using your Senses
  • Using our Intellect
  • Using our Imagination
• What happens if these facets are mature/immature?
• Many of us are stuck in perpetual adolescence
• We often develop our facets based on what the world needs of us at the time
• Knowing your mature facet, and look toward the other facets to help you grow
• Miscommunication can occur when our strong facets collide with other facets
• What happens on your team when it's dominated by certain archetypes/facets?
• Dysfunction on teams occurs when we don't understand ourselves more deeply, and those of our colleagues
• Meet yourself from the different facets and treat yourself with compassion
• Shifting our strategies that worked in childhood that don't work as adults
• Improve your leadership not through tactical ways, but through self-exploration
• Beginner's mind and humility in leadership
• Look for the patterns in your life
• Seeing the gift in the other facets of of self
• All of us have a "wounded self" - can we have compassion for our self and that of others
• Turn a sacred wound into a sacred scar
• Break the promises you made to yourself when you were young
• When we choose not to do the work, we pay in non-financial ways, so why not pay someone to help you do the work.

📚 OTHER BOOKS MENTIONED:

• Soul Craft, also by Bill Plotkin

ℹ GUEST BIO AND LINKS:

Born in an industrial town of a soon to come out of communism Romania, I fell in love with books and stories in primary school. I have loved music and singing for as long as I can remember and I dabbled with acting until I went to university. I left Architecture after 4 years of studies (out of 6) and quit working in Architecture and Design (after 5 years), started doing odd jobs until, at 25, I ended up in a (then) more than 100.000 employee corporation where I received an Employee of the Year award (in my service center) after my first year for opening a new business line. I joined a (then) small ESG Research provider as an Engineer and worked my way up to Director of Engineering in 4 years. Even before the pandemic came I felt that I need a shift in how I approach things in life so I quit climbing the corporate ladder and started studying Philosophy and Psychology. I hold the same position with my employer and do my best to be there with my team, colleagues and friends. I continued to make music throughout my life and am now working to create my own music-oriented company that will hopefully launch next year.

LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrei-stoicescu/

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LIVRE: Les structures fondamentales des sociétés humaines de Bernard Lahire
INVITÉ : Aïda Koné

Resumé:

• Comprendre les groupes humains
• Psychologie - focus sur l'individuel
• Sociologie - focus sur le groupe
• Racines communes entre les groupes
• Identifiez les différentes strates -- dimensions biologiques, sociales et culturelles
• Pour un facilitateur ou coach d'équipe, c'est bien de savoir où tu vas réagir le groupe -- par quelle couche
• Les couches sont bien mélanges
• Comment on est élevé, c'est la couche culturelle
• Métaphore utilisée -- le barba papa - le bâton, c'est la biologie, les aspects sociaux et culturels se tournent autour du bâton
• On a plusieurs dimensions dedans nous - empathique/coopératif et compétitif/dominant - l'un ET l'autre, pas l'un OU l'autre
• On se ressemble fort quand on a un grand danger - catastrophe naturelle
• Les liens de forces sociologue -- il y a 10 dans le livre -- un est le rapport de domination
• Les humaines sont l'animal qui reste dépendant sur nos parents le plus longs possible
• La hiérarchie est naturelle pour nous, donc il faut qu'on prenne attention quand on crée une culture
• Connaissance de soi -- c'est quoi ma culture personnelle et ma response de domination/contrôle?
• Pas tout le monde préfère une entreprise avec le management horizontale
• Le conflit a un aspect positif -- les gens son engagée
• Les valeurs sont exprimées dans le conflit
• Pas tous les conflits ont besoin d'un modérateur/trice
• On s'adapte à la culture ou on est
• Voit l'aspect positif dont on ne perd pas l'espoir
• Les femmes a le rôle de porter les bébés, donc ça donner le rôle d'hommes plus tôt à l'extérieur
• On est dans une transition vers l'égalité entre hommes et femmes
• Petites étapes pour garder l'espoir
• Il n'y a pas une hiérarchie entre biologie et culture

Autres livres mentionnée:

• Humankind by Rutger Bergman

BIOGRAPHIE D'AÏDA:
J'accompagne les dynamiques collectives en contexte de transformation avec les postures de coach d'équipes, facilitatrice, designer et formatrice.
Je suis particulièrement sensible aux enjeux de la transition écologique qui nous invitent à questionner nos interactions entre humains et avec le vivant dans son ensemble.

J'ai 48 ans, j'ai fait des études d'arts appliqués et ai travaillé dans la communication et le marketing avant de m'orienter vers l'accompagnement

LIEN LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aida-kone

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Spotlight Book: That's What She Said by Joanne Lipman
Guest : Dominique Ara

Conversation Highlights:

• soft skills are people to people
• transgender experiences can give a peak into how our gender biases show up
• hard to recognize that we live in a man's world
• not only men interrupt women - women do it too
• we're not dreaming - the experience of the world is different if you are a man or a woman
• need more sponsors versus mentors
• mentors - give us advice, been there before, tactical approaches
• sponsor - pave the way for us, put our name forward for
• mentorship can create more women acting like men
• the way we are conditioned can set up how we see the gender differences
• how to integrate when you are the "only"
• when you're trained to look at the differences in order to better integrate
• women have learned to talk "men"
• empowerment - the permission to not "act as if" but to act as I am
• team up with the people who think like me
• 20% of the people can change a system
• the power of getting together with others to change the system
• men are not the "bad guys" - they are shamed for being a man
• men are good people who have been conditioned into this system
• when courtesy becomes condescending
• when men don't say anything when they could/should
• the risk of speaking up that men feel -- they may disagree, but they don't speak up because they don't want to lose power/rank among the men
• coming in new to an organization where there is already a hierarchy - create a shared community and purpose that flattens the hierarchy
• when bad habits come back under pressure/stress
• understanding when/how I feel threatened, and what behaviors come up when under threat
• until proven otherwise, men are seen as competent -- until proven otherwise, women are seen as Incompetent
• what if women don't have imposter syndrome or confidence issues - it's just that the system forces women to prove ourselves more
• blind auditions in symphonies/orchestras - erases some of the bias
• Iceland as the number 1 ranked country for gender equity -- and it's not the women involved, it's the men
• the action men take need to NOT discredit themselves
• alliances between men/women to amplify one another's voices
• educate our boys differently

12 TIPS from the book:

1. Interrupt Interrupters
2. Use Amplification and Brag Buddies
3. Diversify interviewers, not just the applicants
4. She'll help your bottom line
5. She's not sorry, she's not lucky, and she's not asking you a question
6. Yay, that's not a compliment
7. She's pretty sure you don't respect her
8. Don't decide for her
9. Don't be afraid of tears
10. She's ready for a raise, but she won't ask for her
11. Hire women your mom's age
12. She deserves a promotion, she just doesn't know it yet.

Other Books Mentioned:

• Belonging by Owen Eastwood

GUEST BIO:
Dominique provides teams and organizations with the best appropriate medicine to heal interpersonal communication diseases. She aims to energize and empower people to transform their future by expressing their full potential today. Dominique helps corporation executives to align their core values into everyday life. She is a senior-certified coach in Conversational Intelligence (C-IQ).

You can find out more at:
https://dominique-ara.com/en/about/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominique-ara/

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SPOTLIGHTED BOOK: The Perfectionists Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler
GUEST READER : Viktoriia Berezhna

CONVERSATION HIGHLIGHTS:

• Perfectionism evolves over time when we challenge our beliefs
• Preparing does help, but doesn't change perfectionism
• The 5 Kinds of Perfectionists : Classic, Intense, Messy, Procrastinator, Parisian
• Intense - really high expectations for self and others and get intense if expectations not met
• Procrastinator Perfectionist - wait until it's flawless before putting it out there
• Are there differences in how perfectionism shows up based on your age?
• Perfectionism being external - meeting invisible standards
• The role of social media on perfectionism
• When you're driven by what other people think
• Small towns, gossip, and the connection to perfectionism
• Living in integrity means letting go of perfectionism
• When you take something that's perfect in your head and move to create it in the real world
• Are we afraid of the reality not meeting our vision, or the feelings that come up
• Perfectionism connected to shame, regret, grief, etc.
• Not calling ourselves as a "Recovering Perfectionism"
• Can you see perfectionism as a super-power? Use perfectionism in an adaptive and maladaptive way.
• Positive sides of perfectionism
• When you work in a team and how perfectionism styles collide
• Perfectionism is not an illness
• Seeing the gifts in your individual perfectionism
• Power in the self-awareness of your perfectionism
• Purposely making mistakes to "cure" perfectionism
• Different contexts drive different perfectionist tendency
• How do we become a perfectionist? Conditioning from parents, society, etc.
• What we do to make our parents feel proud.
• Coping mechanisms vary depend on the type of perfectionist you are
• Knowing who you are as a way to help you cope
• Keep self moving and out of over-thinking - preparing to do the thing isn't doing the thing, making a list about what to do is also not doing the thing
• Repeated action - just start.
• Do something in which you never expect yourself to be perfect. Purposely be bad.
• Whose yardstick are you measuring yourself by?
• Whose rules are you living by? Can you break some of them?
• How do you know if you are striving in a healthy way or in a perfectionist way?

OTHER BOOKS MENTIONED:

• Playing Big by Tara Mohr
• The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

GUEST BIO:
Viktoriia is a product designer with a passion for creating impactful and user-friendly solutions. With over two years of experience at her current workplace as a Design Team Lead, she is exploring her path as a leader. Currently, she's building a startup called Bookclub VR, an Extended Reality app designed for reading and book clubs, alongside an incredible team of professionals.

Beyond her work, I’m passionate about reading fiction, playing all kinds of racket sports (with a special love for table tennis), and constantly surface-learning new and interesting things, all while still being deeply connected to her journey in design.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/viktoriiaberezhnaya/
https://www.linkedin.com/company/bookclubvr/

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SPOTLIGHTED BOOK: Moose Heads on the Table by Karin Tenelius and Lisa Gill
GUEST READER : Alejandro Garcia Machuca

CONVERSATION TOPICS:

• Leadership is something you step in and out of. It's too heavy to be a leadership all the time.
• Self managed organizations don't have managers - they distribute the power and authority among the employees
• When people take ownership for their work, they don't need managers
• Manager as the person who clears the way for others to do their work
• 3 Big Lessons From the Book - a coaching mindset and way of being, a focus on a working climate, a culture of mandate and involvement
• Having the power to give the power away
• Power will always emerge
• People require sensing and adapting
• Most of the underlying issues are unsaid
• Moose Heads on the Table = Elephant In the Room
• Advice being toxic as it disempowers employees
• Leaders NOT being the hero.
• Managing others means not doing the job
• When being "helpful" erodes trust with the team
• Legitimacy comes from trust.
• There is no such thing as objectivity. There is intersubjectivity and agreement.
• We all have blind spots. Be humble.
• Managing and leading aren't the same thing.
• The "Listening Gym" - If we honored listening most, there would be a listening gym on very corner
• Leaders are listeners
• Light fades away, but gravity holds it all together. We wouldn't have stars without gravity, but we only see the light.
• Be like gravity - hold it all together without being seen.
• People won't be silent if they feel empowered
• Passivity and patience aren't the same thing.
• There is a lot of activity in listening.
• Lau Tzu Quote: Go to the people. Live with them. Learn from them. Love them. Start with what they know. Build with what they have. But with the best leaders, when the work is done, they task accomplished, the people will say, "We have done this ourselves."
• People gifted to speak and people gifted to listen.
• Leadership not as a ladder, but as pendulum.
• When the belief of arriving somewhere keeps us stuck.
• Can't have true power without listening
• Power is an emergent property of groups.
• You know when things are working when people are engaged - people taking charge of their meetings, claiming their own power, focus
• Information when shared regains its purpose - it's the same with power.
• Power is like fertilizer. Concentrated it poisons. Spread around it nourishes.

BOOKS MENTIONED/OTHER RESOURCES:

• The Advice Trap, by Michael Bungay Stanier
• No Rule Rules, Erin Meyer and Reed Hastings
• Unlearning Silence, by Elaine Lin Hering
• Good to Great, by Jim Collins
• The Power of Giving Away Power, by Matthew

GUEST BIO AND LINKS:
Alejandro is currently navigating the muddy waters of fully remote work environments and the ever constant shift of focus and responsibilities within his job as a Software Consultant.

In a nutshell, his responsibility is to design and deliver transformational programs aimed at improving collaboration, all of it underlining the wonders of visual collaboration technology.

Beyond all the above verbiage, he's passionate about anything that's deeply moving, highly thoughtful, and unmistakably authentic. He takes conversations, vulnerability and presence very seriously.

Linkedin : https://www.linkedin.com/in/alejandrogarciamachuca/

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