Kylen has had cold sores since he was born. The only salve that ever really worked got discontinued, so Kenda went looking for it, talked her way through about twenty people until somebody finally said yes, and is now pressing him a batch herself. Along the way: gigartina and why nothing else will do, the suspicion that the things which actually work are the first ones to quietly disappear, and The Creative Act, which Kenda has been reading and Kylen needs explained to him. Then the real argument. Kenda thinks perseverance is a muscle, and that most people quit about a hundred feet from the top without ever knowing how close they were. Kylen reckons he has two good goes in him, and is honest enough to call his own version of it weak. Neither of them talks the other round. Plus the firefighter who took four years to get hired while his brother gave up after one, coaching an eleven-year-old through a hard moment without flattening him, and the night in New Orleans when the son who never complains said something hurt. 0:00 Cold open 1:04 We are exposing me 1:40 I have had cold sores since I was born 3:40 If it ain't gigartina, it ain't what you need 4:14 The one company that made it, and then it was gone 5:32 Kenda goes looking for the discontinued salve 6:03 Talking her middle son through something insurmountable 7:26 The Creative Act, and the idea that everyone is creative 8:13 Wait, the legendary producer Rick Rubin? 9:14 Cooking dinner counts as creative too 11:14 Twenty conversations before somebody finally said yes 11:50 Most people have the perseverance and do not know it 12:04 Rigidity, and what you are willing to accept 13:56 Kylen: I would call that weak 15:32 Looking in the mirror and naming what you could do better 16:05 The firefighter who took four years, and the brother who quit 17:08 A hundred feet from the top 18:41 That was a bad quit on my part 21:13 Coaching an eleven-year-old through a hard moment 23:39 Junior guards, and being careful with your language 25:10 New Orleans, and the son who never complains

Kylen and Kenda put themselves on a full digital detox — no video games, no social media, bed by ten — and agree to read Digital Minimalism while they do it. Then they spend the episode working out why it is so hard, and who it is actually for. Along the way: the dinner party where a 16-year-old never put her phone down, a rooftop in Marrakesh that nobody looked at, and the arithmetic on what eight and a half hours a day adds up to against the 10,000 hours it takes to master anything. And Ryder — the 16-year-old son of Kenda's best friend, a junior lifeguard who pulled another kid out of heavy surf. It went viral enough that the White House commented on it. He missed most of that, because he is not on social media. "That wasn't even the hardest save I had that day." Plus family dinners, whether children are tyrannical or just looking for the edges, and a first date that ended in a cold-sore panic attack. 0:00 Social media has become the Home Shopping Network 0:37 The experiment: a full digital detox, starting tonight 4:37 Reading Digital Minimalism together 5:45 It is not just the kids, look at us 6:21 The dinner party and the 16-year-old who never put her phone down 8:30 The rooftop in Marrakesh nobody looked at 11:11 Saying the uncomfortable thing out loud 13:13 Dad the channel clicker, and second screens while gaming 14:32 14,600 hours a year against the 10,000 it takes to master anything 16:54 The son studying in Spain, and what changed 21:21 Ryder pulled another kid out of the waves 23:15 On that job you cannot be on your phone 23:56 Junior lifeguards, and pushing through the fever 25:31 He has no social media, so he missed his own story 27:47 Ninety days on a boat and what it might teach 29:14 Family dinners as the actual intervention 31:22 Parenting, boundaries, and whether children are tyrannical 34:50 The viral clip of the dad and the crying kids 37:44 The date, the cold sore and the panic attack 41:53 "I am reformed" 43:10 Two weeks without a phone 49:50 Everybody is just selling you something The Kylen and Kenda Show.

Kylen sits down with a psychotherapist of thirty-five years. She is also Kenda's mother, which means the person taking him apart has known his boss since he started.

He agreed to it half asleep. Within ten minutes she has ruled on his tattoos, Kenda has called him every red flag there is, and he has explained that being six foot six makes it hard to hide. It gets sharper from there. He describes his playfulness and she tells him it does not sound like play, it sounds like strategy. He talks at her long enough that she stops listening, and says so out loud.

The turn comes when he brags about jokingly threatening to fight his boss's mother, and adds that she laughed. She is sitting right there. She did not laugh.

CHAPTERS
0:00 Getting set up
1:10 Meet Ann Whittington, psychotherapist of 35 years
1:56 "You need tools" / "What boundaries?"
3:05 Do bad tattoos count?
4:03 Every single red flag there is
6:45 It doesn't sound like play, it sounds like strategy
7:37 Humour as a defence mechanism
11:22 Rearranging the furniture
15:14 Playing devil's advocate
19:12 Are you arguing or are you learning?
19:55 Am I attacking you?
20:22 "I'm a very spastic person"
22:35 Knowing when you're triggered
29:49 Still the scared little child
33:47 "I feel like I'm checking out"
34:15 Talking at someone instead of with them
40:25 Defence mechanisms are your talents
42:52 The boss's mom story
44:25 "I don't have boundaries. I have yours."
46:12 Don't send the comedian out every time
48:45 Six foot six, and read as a threat
49:41 The six-foot-six elf
59:22 Forgiveness is a natural flower of understanding

The Kylen and Kenda Show — a mentor and a mentee, arguing their way toward something useful.