Sitting here with mud still caked under my fingernails from yesterday's outdoor disaster. Well not disaster exactly. Kids had fun. But I'm questioning some life choices.

Three months ago our outdoor worship night was magical thing everyone's still talking about. Yesterday's nature scavenger hunt turned into me chasing escaped toddlers through poison ivy while parents pretended not to notice their kids having meltdowns.

Outdoor ministry is weird like that. Same person planning same basic idea completely different results depending on factors you can't control.

September family picnic seemed brilliant. Move monthly dinner outside enjoy nice weather let kids run around instead of being cooped up in fellowship hall.

Picked spot under our big tree because shade is good right? Made sandwiches bought chips set up nice tablecloths like I knew what I was doing.

Fifteen minutes in ants everywhere. Not just few ants. Like biblical plague levels of ants.

Coming up through tablecloth crawling across sandwiches one poor toddler had ants in his sippy cup and started that kind of crying where you know whole event basically over.

"Oh that tree?" Mrs Williams says while we're frantically moving food. "Yeah we never put anything under there. Huge ant colony."

Thanks for heads up.

Had to relocate entire picnic to asphalt parking lot. Classy. Nothing says family fellowship like eating on hot pavement while kids complain about sitting on concrete.

Still finding ants in my car two weeks later.

Checked weather obsessively for spring egg hunt. Beautiful forecast all week. Sunny perfect temperature no chance of rain.

Saturday morning gray drizzly and cold enough that parents were digging sweatshirts out of car trunks.

Did fastest egg hunt in church history. Kids running around getting soaked while parents huddled under pavilion looking like they'd rather be literally anywhere else.

Wrapped in twenty minutes instead of planned two hours. Everyone rushing to cars like building was on fire.

But kids? They loved it. Getting wet was apparently best part.

Parents looked miserable. Kids telling stories about it for weeks.

Still not sure if that counts as success or failure.

Campfire night seemed classic. Turns out having actual fires at church involves permits and insurance calls and regulations I didn't know existed.

Gave up. Bought propane fire pit thing instead.

S'mores with thirty kids still more complicated than expected. Kids dropping marshmallows into fire fighting over sticks getting chocolate everywhere except actual s'mores.

One six year old caught his marshmallow on fire and flung it in panic. Landed on someone's shoe.

Total chaos from adult perspective pure joy from kid perspective.

For ministry leaders learning nature doesn't care about your timeline, anyone discovering kids handle outdoor chaos better than adults, people ready to stop fighting weather and start working with it.

Sarah comes up after service looking stressed goes "I can't do VBS this year. I know you're counting on me but my mom's having surgery and I just can't commit to anything else right now."

My first thought? Oh no. Sarah's one of my best volunteers. She knows all the kids. She's reliable. How am I gonna replace her for VBS?

My second thought? Sarah looks like she's about to cry and here I am thinking about my volunteer schedule instead of caring about what she's going through.

That's when hit me. Been so focused on making sure ministry runs smoothly that I forgot volunteers are actual people with real lives and problems and limits.

Been doing this whole thing backwards honestly. Treating people like they exist to serve ministry instead of ministry existing to serve people.

Had uncomfortable realization that maybe I've been more concerned about filling spots than caring for humans. Which is pretty much opposite of what ministry supposed to be about.

Started really looking at how I approach volunteers and realized I've been seeing them as solutions to my problems instead of people with their own needs.

Need someone for preschool? Ask Jessica. Need coverage for middle school? Call Tom. Someone to plan activities? Sarah's great at that.

Never really asked what they wanted to do or what they were good at or what was going on in their lives. Just plugged them into whatever hole I needed filled.

Jessica mentioned few months ago she'd love try teaching older kids sometime because her own daughter was moving up to elementary. Did I follow up on that? Nope. Too busy keeping her in preschool because that's where I needed her.

Tom's been doing same job for three years and probably bored out of his mind but I never asked if he wanted try something different.

Sarah's been taking on more and more responsibilities because she's so good at everything but I never checked if she was getting overwhelmed. Just kept piling stuff on because she never said no.

No wonder she looked ready to cry. Been treating her like employee instead of person.

Instead of "can you cover this class?" started asking "what's something you'd like to try doing?"

Instead of assuming people are happy in their roles started asking "how's this working for you? What would you change?"

Tom mentioned he'd always been curious about planning lessons but felt intimidated. So we started having him help with curriculum selection.

Jessica got to try teaching older kids and absolutely loved it.

Mike who I had doing setup every week mentioned he'd prefer working directly with kids. Turns out he's amazing at connecting with shy kids.

Who knew? Actually asking people what they want reveals what they want.

For ministry leaders learning volunteers are people not just spot-fillers, anyone discovering that treating humans like employees kills engagement, people ready to build ministry around people instead forcing people into ministry slots.

Used to think event success was simple. Count how many people showed up subtract number of major disasters and if more good things happened than bad things call it a win.

Turns out measuring success is way more complicated than that.

Last spring had family movie night that looked like complete failure on paper. Projector died fifteen minutes in half the popcorn got burned and it started raining so hard we couldn't hear backup audio we switched to.

But three months later kids were still talking about it. Not the movie nobody remembered what we were supposed to watch. They remembered how we all ended up sitting in circles telling stories when technology failed. How parents started sharing embarrassing childhood stories.

Was that successful? Depends how you measure it.

Spent years obsessing over attendance numbers like they meant something definitive. "Thirty-seven people came to family game night!" Sounds impressive until you realize twelve of those were toddlers who spent most evening crying or trying eat game pieces.

"Only fifteen families at spring picnic." Sounds disappointing until you consider those fifteen families actually talked to each other kids played together across age groups and two families who'd never connected before exchanged phone numbers.

Numbers are easy to count but they don't capture what actually matters.

Like mom who told me our Valentine's party was first time her shy daughter willingly participated in group activities. That conversation doesn't show up in attendance spreadsheet but probably more important than head count.

Asked our elementary kids what their favorite part of summer kickoff was. Expected them say games or prizes or ice cream.

Nope. Favorite part was when Mrs Johnson's lawn chair collapsed and she ended up sitting on ground laughing so hard she couldn't get up.

That moment lasted maybe thirty seconds. But it's what they remembered three months later.

Best indicator of event success might be volunteer willingness help again. If volunteers enjoyed themselves enough sign up for next event something went right. If they're suddenly too busy help with future things that tells you something too.

Had summer cookout that looked successful from outside. Good attendance kids playing happily parents chatting and relaxed.

But three of my regular volunteers mentioned afterward they felt overwhelmed and unprepared. Those volunteers didn't sign up help with fall festival.

Event might have been fun for families but wasn't sustainable for people making it happen. That's kind of failure even when everything else goes well.

For ministry leaders learning smooth logistics don't guarantee meaningful impact, anyone discovering disasters sometimes create best memories, people ready to measure what actually matters instead what's easy to count.

Sitting in planning meeting and somebody goes "Let's do fancy dinner at that nice Italian place for volunteer appreciation!"

Everyone nodding like this is genius idea but I'm thinking about my actual volunteers. Jessica's got three kids under ten and works full time. Tom hates dressing up for anything. Sarah's been so overwhelmed lately she can barely remember eat lunch.

Fancy dinner sounds great in theory but honestly? Most my volunteers would probably see it as one more thing they gotta drag themselves to instead something fun.

Started watching when my volunteers seemed happiest. Wasn't at formal stuff. Was during random moments when they felt actually seen and valued as real people not just ministry machines.

Coffee thing happened by accident. Meeting Jessica at Starbucks talk about curriculum and Tom shows up early for something else. Then Sarah walks in running errands.

Suddenly we're all sitting there talking about everything except church. Kids and jobs and weekend plans and stupid funny stuff that happened during week.

Nobody being "volunteer Jessica" or "ministry Tom." Just normal humans having normal conversation.

Jessica told me later was first time in months she'd talked to other adults about something besides work or kid logistics or church responsibilities.

Now we do coffee hangouts every month or so. No agenda. No ministry talk unless someone brings it up. Just time be people together.

Tom who barely talks during meetings? Turns out he's absolutely hilarious when he's not trying be proper volunteer.

Best volunteer appreciation ever and costs like twelve bucks total.

Started writing specific thank you notes about things I actually noticed them doing. "Sarah saw you comfort Emma when she was crying about her grandpa. She told her mom about it car ride home."

Mail them their houses so they get surprise mailbox instead just another church thing handed to them.

Jessica keeps hers on refrigerator reads them when she's having terrible day.

Takes maybe ten minutes write but apparently means more than any fancy event I could plan.

Tried formal dinner once. Volunteers showed up nice clothes looking uncomfortable. Conversation weird and stilted. Everyone left early.

Pizza and board games at Tom's house? Completely different energy. Everyone in jeans and hoodies. Adults laughing over ridiculous card games arguing about rules.

Nobody felt pressure perform or talk about ministry stuff. Just friends hanging out eating too much pizza.

For ministry leaders learning fancy events stress volunteers out more, anyone discovering small gestures matter more than big productions, people ready to appreciate humans not just workers.

Emma raises her hand middle of my Daniel lion's den story goes "Can we BE the lions instead of just sitting here?"

About to say no like always because dramas are chaos and take forever and someone ends up crying.

But then look around and these kids literally falling asleep. Marcus making airplane noises with his pencil. Tyler staring at ceiling like there's movie playing up there.

You know what? Fine. Let's try it.

"Okay Emma you can be lion. Who else wants to be lions?"

Every single hand shoots up. Even quiet kids who never volunteer for anything ever.

Half hour later had most ridiculous chaotic amazing Daniel production ever. Kids crawling around roaring like actual lions. Daniel dramatically praying in corner. King pacing wringing his hands like world's ending.

Complete madness. Also most engaged I'd seen these kids in months.

That's when hit me. Been doing story time totally wrong. Instead having kids sit there like little statues should let them jump up and BE the story.

David Goliath thing is perfect because every kid wants be either brave hero or scary giant. Made giant shield and sword for Goliath out of cardboard boxes from supply closet.

Goliath stomps around yelling about how he's gonna crush everyone. Kids eat this up. David starts scared hiding behind other Israelites.

When David finally steps up fight everyone goes absolutely crazy. Goliath falls down spectacularly.

Last time we did this Marcus fell down so dramatically he knocked over three chairs. Kids thought it was hilarious. Just rolled with it.

Noah's ark gives kids permission crawl around making animal noises for Jesus basically. Elephants stomping trumpeting. Lions roaring. Monkeys swinging chattering.

Tyler who cannot sit still gets stomp around being elephant twenty minutes. Perfect match for his energy level.

Had one kid insist on being giraffe which meant she walked around with arms stretched way up high whole time. Looked ridiculous but she was totally into it.

Kids remember stories way better when they've acted them out instead just heard them sitting still.

Even shy kids participate because they're part group effort not performing solo spotlight.

Marcus went from disrupting story time to asking if we can act out more Bible stories every week.

That's when you know something's actually working instead just keeping them busy.

For teachers discovering movement beats sitting still, leaders learning chaos can be good actually, anyone tired of watching kids fall asleep during Bible stories.

Sitting here looking at pile of leftover flyers from Halloween event. Spent probably two hours making them perfect. Nice colors cute fonts all the details lined up just right.

Used maybe ten of them.

Rest are going in recycling bin with all my other beautiful unused promotional materials from past three years. Whole graveyard of perfectly designed flyers in my desk drawer.

But our Halloween party was packed. Go figure.

Last month I'm rushing through weekly email Sunday morning not really paying attention. Sent announcement to sixty families about our upcoming "Pizza Party" Wednesday night.

We were having prayer meeting. Not pizza.

Didn't realize mistake until Monday when Sarah's mom texted asking what time pizza started and should she bring drinks.

By Tuesday had seven families asking about this pizza party that didn't exist.

What was I supposed to do? Tell bunch of kids there's actually no pizza just prayer?

Bought six pizzas. Had impromptu pizza party Wednesday night. Best turnout we'd had for midweek event in months.

Sometimes biggest failures turn into accidental successes.

But made me think why did everyone get excited about accidental pizza but ignore carefully planned stuff? Kids hear "pizza party" immediately start working on their parents. They hear "family fellowship dinner" suddenly have homework they forgot about.

Words matter apparently.

Used to think bulletin boards were important. Made elaborate displays rotated information regularly even laminated things.

Last Sunday decided to actually watch who reads our main bulletin board. Stood there twenty minutes during fellowship time. Watched maybe thirty people walk past it.

Zero people stopped to read anything. Zero.

But later overheard two moms talking about family game night. They knew all the details. Got everything from their kids not from any bulletin board.

Adults don't read church bulletin boards any more than kids read school bulletin boards.

Started sticking announcements where parents actually look. Like taped to bathroom mirror where moms are trapped waiting for three year old to wash hands for fifteenth time.

Or next to coffee station where tired parents desperately trying to caffeinate.

Places where people can't avoid seeing information because they're stuck standing there anyway.

Personal conversations beat everything else though. Mass emails disappear into void. Personal invitations get responses.

For ministry leaders discovering beautiful flyers don't guarantee attendance, communicators learning accidental pizza party teaches more than perfect planning, anyone tired of spending hours on promotion nobody notices.

Tom corners me after service bouncing on his feet like kid on Christmas morning. "Got amazing idea for VBS! Full theatrical production costumes sets choreography the whole thing! Been planning for weeks!"

Heart sinking through floor because his idea is actually creative and look at his face he's so excited and I have to somehow explain we have three hundred dollars twelve burnt out volunteers and two weeks.

Standing there frozen trying figure out how to not destroy this man's soul.

Used to just say yes. Every time. Couldn't handle disappointing people so would agree to literally anything then spend months having panic attacks trying make impossible things happen with nothing.

Or worse would go "oh that's interesting let's see" then avoid Tom for six weeks hoping he'd forget. Spoiler he never forgot. Just got more excited planning elaborate thing I already knew wouldn't happen.

Finally crashed and burned so hard last year had to learn that dishonest yes is way meaner than honest no.

But how do you actually say no without crushing someone?

Tried that stupid sandwich method. Compliment criticize compliment. "Tom you're so creative BUT we can't do this HOWEVER you're amazing!"

Tom later told me felt like I was talking to five year old. Like he couldn't handle truth so had to be coddled with fake praise.

He's grown man. Felt patronizing. Because it was.

Started just being real. "Tom love your creativity. Here's actual situation. Three hundred bucks. Twelve people who are already exhausted. Two weeks prep time. Does full theatrical production fit that?"

Let him do math himself instead treating him like can't handle reality.

Came back week later with scaled down version that actually worked. Better than original honestly because kids made their own costumes got way more invested.

What I should've been doing whole time is saying no to idea but yes to person. "Theatrical production won't work for VBS but drama activities during regular classes? That's perfect for your skills."

He's been running drama stuff ever since. Kids love it. He's happy. Nobody burned out trying pull off impossible thing.

Sometimes have to say "that sounds incredible but we genuinely don't have bandwidth for that right now" and just sit in uncomfortable silence while they process.

They're adults. Can handle truth about limitations better than being strung along with maybes.

For ministry leaders learning honest no beats dishonest yes, anyone tired of agreeing to everything then drowning, people discovering that clear boundaries actually help volunteers thrive instead of burn out.

Missions week comes around and I'm scrambling trying figure out how teach kids about missions without just lecturing them about far away places they've never heard of.

Last year was disaster. Found worksheets online about different countries. Kids colored flags learned couple facts. Emma asked why people in Africa don't just buy food at grocery store like we do. Tommy wanted know if missionaries have WiFi.

Realized they had zero clue what missions actually means or why anyone would leave home help people somewhere else. Just seemed like weird grown-up thing that didn't connect to their real lives.

This year tried different approach. Instead talking about missions did missions. Right here. With real problems they could actually see and touch and understand.

We did shoeboxes for homeless shelter downtown instead just Operation Christmas Child. Kids could actually visit and meet people who would get their boxes.

Emma brought her favorite stuffed animal wanted add to box. "Because maybe someone's really sad and needs something soft hug."

Way more meaningful when kids can connect gift to actual person instead abstract idea.

Set up refugee simulation game. Kids had to carry everything they "owned" in small bag. Wait in long lines for basic needs.

Sounds maybe too heavy for kids but they totally got it. Started understanding why families risk everything for safety.

Mike's son asked if we could help real refugees. Led to partnership with local resettlement agency.

Did water walk challenge. Kids had to carry water containers from parking lot to building. By end everyone tired complaining about how heavy water is.

Then showed pictures kids their age walking miles every day just to get dirty water. Emma immediately wanted know how we could help.

Took kids to food bank help sort and distribute. Tommy shocked that some people didn't have enough food. Started asking why.

What doesn't work is just talking about missions without doing anything. Kids tune out abstract concepts.

What actually works is hands-on activities where kids actively help real people with real needs they can see and visit.

For ministry leaders discovering that doing beats talking, teachers learning kids connect better with local needs than far away facts, anyone ready to stop lecturing and start serving.