In this mini episode, host Monique Koven explores the profound impact of attachment trauma, especially from caregivers who are frightening or unreliable. She discusses how these early experiences shape our nervous system, influence our relationships, and how understanding these patterns can foster self-compassion and healing.

In this replay episode, Monique speaks with therapist and author Jenna Riemersma about Internal Family Systems, or IFS, and a compassionate way to work with the wounded parts of ourselves. Jenna explains why healing often starts by moving toward what we usually want to avoid, and how that shift can reduce shame, increase self-understanding, and create real internal change.They also discuss the difference between burdened parts and core self, how protective “wall” parts operate, and why healthy boundaries come from self rather than reactivity. Jenna shares a simple three-step practice called move toward: notice, know, and need.

• Jenna explains how IFS views people as fundamentally good, with a core self that remains intact even after trauma
• The conversation centers on the idea that parts of us are not bad, but burdened by traumatic experiences and stuck in protective roles
• Monique and Jenna discuss how shame, rage, numbness, addiction, and dissociation can all be understood as parts trying to help
• Jenna uses the sun and clouds metaphor to explain why core self can feel inaccessible when protective parts take over
• A practical framework is introduced: move toward, which includes three steps - notice, know, and need
• Jenna gives a personal example involving canceled plans and how an abandoned, rejected part was triggered by present-day stress
• The episode explores why even one step of compassionate noticing can be deeply transformative
• Monique asks about wall parts, and Jenna explains how protective shutdown can feel like boundaries but usually functions as isolation
• Healthy boundaries are framed as something that can only come from core self, not from angry, fearful, or manipulative parts
• Jenna explains why “what’s in the way is the way” and how every part can become a doorway to healing

Jenna's books:

Altogether You: Experiencing personal and spiritual transformation with Internal Family Systems therapy https://amzn.to/4y7KLsv

Move Toward: A Simplified IFS Therapy Tool to Welcome All Parts of You https://amzn.to/45yy9OQ

All New Episode With Dr. Lindsay Gibson

You Can Be The Mother You Needed : In this brand new episode, Dr. Lindsay Gibson shares her groundbreaking approach to parenting, emphasizing the importance of understanding emotional maturity in children and how to foster it. Monique and Lindsay explore the dynamics of emotional immaturity, how past traumas affect parenting styles, and practical mindsets that nurture resilient, emotionally aware kids.

About our guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author of a number of books, including Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and her new book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child.

What you'll discover in this conversation:

The core differences between emotionally mature and immature parents

childhood trauma and early attachment influence parenting

The concept of emotional needs: contact, soothing, proximity

The significance of seeing children as real inside with their own inner worlds

The importance of protective parenting and setting a safe emotional foundation

The seven mindsets that underpin emotionally intelligent parenting

Strategies to help children develop internal representations of their world

How to respond to children's behavior as a form of communication

The role of empathy and sensitivity in emotional development

Practical ways to show children they are understood, safe, and valued

Order Lindsay Gibson's new book "How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child ;

https://amzn.to/3SBLySE

Watch The Full Episode https://youtu.be/c0iuE9szrJA?si=F8uuxa5B6lw-RdRL

In this replay conversation, my guest renowned trauma expert Dr. Janina Fisher discusses her model TIST (Trauma Informed Stabilization Treatment) and the concept of the living legacy of trauma, emphasizing how trauma's effects persist in the body and mind beyond past events. She explores dissociation, fragmentation, and practical approaches to healing trauma by addressing these living legacies.Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation

Janina's Books

Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation https://amzn.to/4uyDtMy

Transforming The Living Legacy of Trauma: A Workbook for Survivors and Therapists https://amzn.to/4dbcHCC

Embracing Our Fragmented Selves: A Workbook for Trauma Survivors and Therapists https://amzn.to/4cWI4Ci

https://janinafisher.com/

In this replay interview, trauma expert Kathy Steele explores the complex world of dissociation, trauma, and mental health. She discusses different types of dissociation, the development of self, and practical strategies for healing and integration.

Books:

Treating Trauma-Related Dissociation: A Practical, Integrative Approach (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) https://amzn.to/4f0KPUA

Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) https://amzn.to/49JG7XC

Trauma-Related Dissociation Two-Book Set https://amzn.to/4tSvCsq

Kathy's website: https://www.kathy-steele.com/

In this replay episode, Dr. Lindsay Gibson is back just in time for Mother's Day.

About our Guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and the author of the Emotional Immaturity series of books, including her bestseller Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.

In this conversation, Monique and Lindsay discuss the complexities of navigating Mother's Day emotions, particularly for those with emotionally immature parents. They explore the conflicting feelings of grief and obligation, the importance of self-validation, and practical tips for managing relationships during this challenging time. The discussion emphasizes the need for self-care and reconnecting with one's true self to foster personal growth and healing.

Takeaways

• Mother's Day can evoke mixed emotions, including grief and obligation.
• It's important to honour your own feelings during this holiday.
• Emotional immaturity in parents can complicate relationships.
• Self-validation is crucial for emotional well-being.
• Finding a balance between honouring a parent and honouring oneself is key.
• It's okay to choose how to engage with emotionally immature parents.
• Reconnecting with oneself is essential for personal growth.
• Practicing self-care can help manage emotional turmoil.
• Taking a pause to reflect on feelings can lead to better self-understanding.
• 
  

Adult children of Emotionally Immature Parents

https://amzn.to/4kpLu1l

Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents: Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy

https://amzn.to/42YKdHg

Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Honor Your Emotions, Nurture Your Self, and Live with Confidence

https://amzn.to/3RTG6XX

Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People: Avoid Emotional Traps, Stand Up for Your Self, and Transform Your Relationships as an Adult Child of Emotionally Immature Parents

https://amzn.to/44qhHRo

Connect with Monique on IG https://www.instagram.com/thehealingtraumapodcast/

In this replay conversation, host Monique Koven is chatting with trauma therapist and author Michelle Mays. They discuss the concept of betrayal trauma, its connection to attachment theory, and how childhood trauma influences adult relationships. Michelle explains the importance of understanding betrayal trauma as a relational issue and outlines the three trauma traps that betrayed partners often face: fear of loss, shame, and powerlessness. She also introduces her six phases of healing, emphasizing that healing is a complex, non-linear process that requires individuals to confront their fears and engage in deep emotional work.

Michelle's Books & Resources:

The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worst

https://amzn.to/3Z6P8Ve

The Aftermath of Betrayal https://amzn.to/4qOveKR

When It All Breaks Bad: 10 Things To Do (And Not Do) After Betrayal https://amzn.to/3ZDwBQi

Michelle's Website: https://michellemays.com/

In this replay conversation, therapist and author Elizabeth Earnshaw discusses the challenges faced by trauma survivors in relationships, particularly the need for understanding and effective communication with partners. She emphasizes the importance of empathy, active listening, and creating a safe space for sharing experiences. She also provides strategies for expressing needs to partners and navigating situations where partners may struggle to understand or respond appropriately. The conversation highlights the significance of persistence in communication and the potential for healing through supportive relationships.

takeaways

• Many trauma survivors feel isolated and misunderstood by their partners.
• It's essential for partners to listen and hold space for trauma survivors.
• Survivors need to clarify what understanding looks like for them.
• Empathy and compassion are crucial in supporting a loved one with trauma.
• Effective communication requires choosing the right time and approach.
• Expressing positive needs can reduce defensiveness in conversations.
• Partners should be responsive and curious about their loved one's experiences.
• It's important to gauge a partner's ability to listen and support.
• Persistence in communication can help partners improve their understanding.
• Safe relationships allow for ongoing discussions about needs and feelings.

Liz's book:

Til Stress Do Us Part: How to Heal the #1 Issue in Our Relationships

https://amzn.to/4bvmjY3

Website:https://elizabethearnshaw.com/