In this mini episode, host Monique Koven explores the profound impact of attachment trauma, especially from caregivers who are frightening or unreliable. She discusses how these early experiences shape our nervous system, influence our relationships, and how understanding these patterns can foster self-compassion and healing.

In this replay episode, Monique speaks with therapist and author Jenna Riemersma about Internal Family Systems, or IFS, and a compassionate way to work with the wounded parts of ourselves. Jenna explains why healing often starts by moving toward what we usually want to avoid, and how that shift can reduce shame, increase self-understanding, and create real internal change.They also discuss the difference between burdened parts and core self, how protective “wall” parts operate, and why healthy boundaries come from self rather than reactivity. Jenna shares a simple three-step practice called move toward: notice, know, and need.

• Jenna explains how IFS views people as fundamentally good, with a core self that remains intact even after trauma
• The conversation centers on the idea that parts of us are not bad, but burdened by traumatic experiences and stuck in protective roles
• Monique and Jenna discuss how shame, rage, numbness, addiction, and dissociation can all be understood as parts trying to help
• Jenna uses the sun and clouds metaphor to explain why core self can feel inaccessible when protective parts take over
• A practical framework is introduced: move toward, which includes three steps - notice, know, and need
• Jenna gives a personal example involving canceled plans and how an abandoned, rejected part was triggered by present-day stress
• The episode explores why even one step of compassionate noticing can be deeply transformative
• Monique asks about wall parts, and Jenna explains how protective shutdown can feel like boundaries but usually functions as isolation
• Healthy boundaries are framed as something that can only come from core self, not from angry, fearful, or manipulative parts
• Jenna explains why “what’s in the way is the way” and how every part can become a doorway to healing

Jenna's books:

Altogether You: Experiencing personal and spiritual transformation with Internal Family Systems therapy https://amzn.to/4y7KLsv

Move Toward: A Simplified IFS Therapy Tool to Welcome All Parts of You https://amzn.to/45yy9OQ

All New Episode With Dr. Lindsay Gibson

You Can Be The Mother You Needed : In this brand new episode, Dr. Lindsay Gibson shares her groundbreaking approach to parenting, emphasizing the importance of understanding emotional maturity in children and how to foster it. Monique and Lindsay explore the dynamics of emotional immaturity, how past traumas affect parenting styles, and practical mindsets that nurture resilient, emotionally aware kids.

About our guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author of a number of books, including Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and her new book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child.

What you'll discover in this conversation:

The core differences between emotionally mature and immature parents

childhood trauma and early attachment influence parenting

The concept of emotional needs: contact, soothing, proximity

The significance of seeing children as real inside with their own inner worlds

The importance of protective parenting and setting a safe emotional foundation

The seven mindsets that underpin emotionally intelligent parenting

Strategies to help children develop internal representations of their world

How to respond to children's behavior as a form of communication

The role of empathy and sensitivity in emotional development

Practical ways to show children they are understood, safe, and valued

Order Lindsay Gibson's new book "How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child ;

https://amzn.to/3SBLySE

Watch The Full Episode https://youtu.be/c0iuE9szrJA?si=F8uuxa5B6lw-RdRL