🎧 Listen to this episode if…

- You've done the maths on lawyer fees and your stomach dropped

- You want to do more of your divorce yourself but don't want to get it wrong

- You've got a small property pool and full-time lawyers don't add up

- You have a Legal Aid lawyer and want to help your case move faster

- You and your ex are "amicable" and thinking of skipping the paperwork

⚠️ General information only – not legal advice. Australian family law; always consult a qualified family lawyer about your circumstances.

🛟 This episode touches on family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 13 11 14.

Lawyers charge around $500-$1000 an hour Mum and I talk about which hours you actually need to pay for and which you can do yourself.

00:00 – DIY Divorce: Which Lawyer Hours Can You Do Yourself?

03:00 – Why People DIY Their Divorce: The Real Cost of Lawyers

05:00 – Legal Aid Lawyers and Becoming Your Own Project Manager

07:00 – The Family Court Was Built for DIY (Safari Suits Included)

10:00 – Controlling the Pace: Deadlines, Cost Orders and Associates

14:00 – DIY Divorce With Coercive Control: What's Safe to Do

16:00 – Property Settlement Step 1: Your Asset and Debt List

17:00 – Disclosure Explained (and the Five Shopping Bags)

20:00 – Contributions, Future Needs and Your Percentage

22:00 – Negotiating Your Settlement: The Grocery Basket Analogy

24:00 – Consent Orders: Making Your Agreement Enforceable

25:00 – Why You Must Formalise It (Plus Stamp Duty Relief)

27:00 – Parenting Arrangements: From Early Days to a Plan

29:00 – Parenting Plan vs Consent Orders: Why Write It Down

31:00 – What You Can DIY: Divorce Application, Disclosure, Valuations

33:00 – Mediation Without a Lawyer: Save Your Money for Court

35:00 – Three Lawyers at Mediation, None at the Appeal

36:00 – Filing Your Own Consent Orders on the Court Portal

37:00 – The Two Lawyer Checkpoints You Shouldn't Skip

38:00 – "My Case Isn't Normal": Businesses, New Partners, Big Contributions

39:00 – What You Can't DIY: Binding Financial Agreements and Trials

43:00 – DIY vs Winging It: Kitchen-Table Agreements and Disclosure

45:00 – Get Organised: Email Folders and Disclosure Systems

48:00 – Vague Parenting Plans and How to Make Them Specific

50:00 – Advantages and Disadvantages of a DIY Divorce

55:00 – Can You File Your Own Divorce and Consent Orders?

🎧 Episodes Mentioned

Worried About Your Divorce Lawyer? – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/worried-about-your-divorce-lawyer-delays-bills-and/id1503451022?i=1000792296761

Do I Really Need a Lawyer? – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/do-i-really-need-a-lawyer-for-my-divorce-or-defacto/id1503451022?i=1000769729536

Disclosure: The What, Why, When & How – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/disclosure-the-what-why-when-how-of-disclosure/id1503451022?i=1000608265425

Percentages in Property Settlements Explained – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/percentages-in-divorce-property-settlements-explained/id1503451022?i=1000729446519

Big or Small Property Pool? – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/big-or-small-property-pool-how-size-changes-your-divorce/id1503451022?i=1000777815540

4 Ways to Agree (Ep 333) – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/4-ways-to-agree-in-divorce-or-de-facto-separation/id1503451022?i=1000783951018

🔗 Links & Resources

DIY Divorce Blueprint + Family Court Companion Course waitlist – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

Section 90 Family Law Act (stamp duty) – https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s90.html

1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 | Lifeline – 13 11 14 | 🚓 Police – 000🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free webinar: click "Reserve My Seat"🎓 Blog: www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

- You've just found out your ex was cheating – and your lawyer doesn't seem to care

- You're wondering if the affair changes your property settlement

- You're combing through disclosure for gifts, hotels and a money trail

- You're scared of being painted as the "jealous ex" in family court

- Your ex's new partner is suddenly part of your kids' lives

⚠️ General information only – not legal advice. Australian family law; always consult a qualified family lawyer about your circumstances.

🛟 This episode discusses emotional abuse, gaslighting and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 13 11 14.

Mum and I unpack the question "my ex cheated – does it actually matter?" We cover wastage of joint money, proving the money trail in disclosure, negotiating while you're hurt (without swinging from give-up to revenge), the traps around kids and the new partner, and why your reaction – not their cheating – is what the court ends up watching. Plus the cases Gollings & Scott and Tajani & Tajani

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – My Ex Cheated: Does It Actually Matter in Divorce?

01:00 – From Private Investigators to No-Fault Divorce in Australia

04:00 – The Emotional Hit: Gaslighting, Paranoia and Flashbacks

06:00 – Two Separate Recoveries: Healing vs the Legal Process

08:00 – What the Court Cares About: Joint Money Spent on an Affair

10:00 – STIs and When Cheating Crosses Into Abusive Behaviour

12:00 – Before, During, After: When Affair Spending Counts

13:00 – The Judge's Range: How Conduct Can Lift Your Percentage

14:00 – Proving It: Gifts, Hotels and the Money Trail in Disclosure

17:00 – The Hat Trick: Separating Heartbreak From Strategy

18:00 – Negotiating While Hurt: The Two Traps

19:00 – The Pendulum Effect: Give Up, Fair or Everything

21:00 – Guilty Exes and Generous Offers: Grab Them or Not?

23:00 – Negotiating to Punish and the "Jealous Ex" Label

26:00 – The Five Stages of Grief After Betrayal

28:00 – Adjustment Disorder and Family Reports

30:00 – Co-Parenting With the Affair Partner

31:00 – New Partners in Parenting: Subpoenas and Safety Checks

33:00 – How Soon Is Too Soon to Introduce a New Partner?

38:00 – Don't Interrogate the Kids: The Car Ride Strategy

44:00 – Rapid Fire: Affairs Before, During and Under One Roof

45:00 – Onerous Contributions, De Facto Overlaps and Tajani & Tajani

48:00 – Two Property Settlements, Filing First and the Family Home

51:00 – Does a New Partner's Income Affect Your Settlement?

53:00 – The Biggest Takeaway: Adjustments, Not Revenge

🎧 Episodes Mentioned

Are We De Facto? – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/are-we-de-facto-what-it-could-mean-for-property/id1503451022?i=1000743246854

Property or Parenting First? – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/property-or-parenting-first-does-the-order-actually/id1503451022?i=1000782876028

Coercive Control vs a Bad Relationship https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-vs-a-bad-relationship-how-to-tell/id1503451022?i=1000774925805

Coercive Control & Domestic Violence in Family Court https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-domestic-violence-in-family-court/id1503451022?i=1000764231660

🔗 Links & Resources

Family Law Act 1975 – Section 79 – https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s79.html

📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 | Lifeline – 13 11 14 | 🚓 Police – 000

🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free webinar: click "Reserve My Seat"

🎓 Blog: www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

If this episode helped you understand what cheating does and doesn't change in your divorce, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast. All our best, Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side.

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

- You dread every text from your ex and screenshot messages "just in case"

- Your co-parent avoids, delays or denies every conversation that matters

- You can't get a straight yes or no

- You carry the mental load of every reminder, newsletter and schedule

- You've been told to "document everything" and want it done automatically

⚠️ General information only not legal advice. Australian family law; always consult a qualified family lawyer about your circumstances.

🛟 This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 13 11 14.

unpack the co-parenting app that courts here actually trust.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Dreading Texts From Your Ex? Why You Need This Episode

01:00 – Meet Erin Green From OurFamilyWizard Australia

02:00 – Why Avoidant Co-Parents Stop Communicating

05:00 – The Amicable Trap: Becoming the Communication Manager

07:00 – What Is OurFamilyWizard? The Co-Parenting App Explained

08:00 – Uneditable, Encrypted Records vs Deleted Text Messages

10:00 – Calls Feature: Transcripts and Documented Call Activity

11:00 – Family Violence Orders: Calling Without Sharing Your Number

12:00 – The Shared Calendar and Change Requests Without Drama

15:00 – Expense Tracking: Invoices, Receipts and Proof for Court

17:00 – The Info Bank: Schools, Medications and Clothing Sizes

18:00 – Who Uses OurFamilyWizard (And When Courts Order It)

20:00 – Putting the App in Your Consent Orders

21:00 – Timestamped Messages: No Deleting, No Rewriting History

22:00 – Free Divorce Webinar With Laura & Lyn

23:00 – Court-Admissible PDFs and Professional Access

25:00 – The AI Writing Assistant That Flags Escalating Language

27:00 – Message Search + Safety for Survivors of Abuse

29:00 – Word Salad, Yes-or-No Requests and Coercive Control

31:00 – Check-Ins and Location Privacy After Family Violence

33:00 – A Tool, Not a Safety Plan: Tech Stalking Reminders

34:00 – What If Your Ex Refuses to Use a Co-Parenting App?

36:00 – Protection Orders, Mediation and Raising the App

37:00 – Fee Waivers for Family Violence and Financial Duress

38:00 – Defence Force Discount Explained

40:00 – OurFamilyWizard Cost: Essentials, Premium and Max

43:00 – Erin's Best Advice: Pause Before You Reply

44:00 – What to Embroider on a Cushion This Week

🎧 Episodes Mentioned

Coercive Control and Your Kids – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-and-your-kids-how-to-protect-your/id1503451022?i=1000777679728

Co-Parenting With a High Conflict, Narcissistic or Avoidant Ex – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/co-parenting-how-to-successfully-do-it-even-with-a/id1503451022?i=1000559535573

Take the Divorce Personality Quiz – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/take-the-divorce-personality-quiz-learn-why-your/id1503451022?i=1000748290587

Is Your Ex Watching You? Coercive Control Goes Digital – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/is-your-ex-watching-you-coercive-control-goes-digital/id1503451022?i=1000758578403

Creating a Safety Plan Before You Need One – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/from-fear-to-freedom-creating-a-safety-plan-before/id1503451022?i=1000741625311

Co-Parenting Without Court Orders – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/co-parenting-without-court-orders-the-real-rules-and/id1503451022?i=1000735234386

🔗 Links & Resources

OurFamilyWizard Australia – https://www.ourfamilywizard.com.au

Fee waiver (via your lawyer, mediator or support professional): prohelp@ourfamilywizard.com

Help using the app: info@ourfamilywizard.com

📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 | Lifeline – 13 11 14 | 🚓 Police – 000

🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free webinar: click "Reserve My Seat"

🎓 Blog: www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

🎧 Listen if you…

- Keep hearing "you're not getting more than 50/50" from your ex

- Are stuck yelling percentages at each other and getting nowhere

- Feel greedy asking for what's actually fair

- Want your proposal backed by real law before mediation

⚠️ General information only – not legal advice. Australian family law; always consult a qualified family lawyer. 🛟 This episode discusses coercive control and duress. In danger? Call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

In this episode we show you how to build your case the way the court does contributions, then current and future circumstances then get your ex's buy-in fact by fact, and back it all with legislation and recent cases (including Mum's AustLII "note up" trick). Plus the mindset work, the "amicable" trap, and my cringe-but-effective strategy

⏱️ CHAPTERS

00:00 – Ex Says 50/50 or Nothing? How to Negotiate More

02:00 – Why Exes Refuse: The Win–Lose Business Mindset

03:40 – Mum's #1 Rule: Never Negotiate in Percentages

06:00 – The Court Case That Proves Percentages Backfire

07:30 – What the Family Court Actually Does in Property Settlement

08:30 – The Five-Step Property Settlement Process

10:00 – Big vs Small Property Pools: Why Adjustments Differ

11:45 – Is More Than 50% Greedy? When 50/50 Actually Happens

16:00 – Get Your Mindset Sorted Before You Negotiate

18:00 – "Who Died and Made Them Boss?"

19:30 – The Future Self Test and Negotiation Fatigue

21:00 – Why Wanting to Be "Amicable" Can Be a Trap

23:30 – Laura's Divorce Vision Board (Cringe but It Worked)

25:45 – Financial Contributions: The Polythene Pipe Analogy

28:00 – Non-Financial, Homemaking and Parenting Contributions

29:45 – Post-Separation Contributions and Common Shenanigans

32:00 – Contributions and Future Needs in the Family Law Act

36:30 – Putting It in Writing: Getting Buy-In Fact by Fact

38:30 – The AustLII Note-Up Trick for Backing It With Law

42:00 – When They Stop Negotiating or Lawyer Up

43:30 – Reframing the Deal: "50/50 of What?"

46:15 – Rapid Fire: Delete "Amicable", Say "Fair" Instead

48:45 – The Superannuation Equalising Trap and the Give-In Wall

52:45 – "I Won't Leave Until You Sign": Duress, Safety and 1800 RESPECT

56:45 – Embroider It on a Cushion: Your Fair Future

🎧 EPISODES MENTIONED

Percentages in Divorce Property Settlements Explained – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/percentages-in-divorce-property-settlements-explained/id1503451022?i=1000729446519

Pitfalls of Premature Percentage Negotiations – https://open.spotify.com/episode/6bxTgrdymCeW16Q7z5njUe

Big or Small Property Pool? – https://open.spotify.com/episode/697VeO4FrXQt9LYaabHtUC

BATNA in Divorce – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/batna-in-divorce-how-to-negotiate-property-and/id1503451022?i=1000719715152

Coercive Control & DV in Family Court – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-domestic-violence-in-family-court/id1503451022?i=1000764231660

Super Split Myths – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/super-split-myths-why-equalising-isnt-always-fair-in/id1503451022?i=1000708394387

Convincing the Unconvincible – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/convincing-the-unconvincible-in-divorce-negotiations/id1503451022?i=1000526927752

📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 | Lifeline – 13 11 14 | Police – 000

⚖️ Family Law Act 1975 s79 – https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s79.html

🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

If this helped, please follow, rate, review and share so others can find it too.

All our best, Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You have no idea what's happening with the kids this Christmas

• Your ex just announced their Christmas plans like it's already decided

• You didn't know there's a family court deadline in November

• You want Christmas clauses in your orders with no wriggle room

• Every handover is a fight and you're dreading the silly season

⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law (WA differs). Always get independent legal advice.

🛟 This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) | Orange Door | Lifeline 13 11 14.

About this episode:

What about Christmas morning? What if there are no orders and your ex announces the plan like it's done? Mum and I cover the family court Christmas deadline, what to do if you have no orders, your options; changeover on the day, alternating blocks, or letting Christmas fall where it lands and how to make sure your christmas plans have no loopholes

⏱️ Timeline

00:00 – Who Gets Christmas Morning?

01:30 – Family Violence Warning & Disclaimer

03:00 – Why Christmas Is Chaos in Family Law Offices

04:00 – Your First Christmas Separated

05:30 – The Creep Strategy at Christmas

06:30 – The Court Deadline: Second Friday in November

08:00 – Why Christmas Isn't Legally "Urgent"

09:30 – Your Ex Just Announces the Plan? What to Do

12:30 – Propose a Child-Focused Plan in Writing

14:30 – Already in Court? Interim Applications

16:00 – Don't Poke the Bear vs a Dog Off the Leash

18:30 – Too Afraid to Ask? You've Been Trained

20:30 – Reasonable Question + Crazy Response = Proof

22:30 – Option 1: Changeover on Christmas Day

24:00 – Changeover by Divorce Personality Type

26:00 – Option 2: Christmas Eve–Boxing Day Alternate Years

26:30 – The Travel Trap in Christmas Orders

27:30 – Presents That Can't Travel: The Clause You Need

28:30 – Option 3: Let Christmas Fall Where It Lands

29:00 – How School Holidays Are Split in Orders

30:00 – Gazetted Holidays and Pupil-Free Day Traps

32:00 – Contact Centres at Christmas: Book Now

33:30 – Christmas Phone Call Clauses

35:30 – Handover Locations: Drive There First

38:30 – Do Kids Get a Say?

40:00 – Parenting Plan vs Consent Orders

41:00 – Why Exes Misbehave in December

42:30 – Non-Compliance and Enforcement

44:30 – Making It Watertight: Times, Not Descriptions

47:30 – The Lateness Rule at Handover

48:30 – No Wriggle Room & the Spirit of the Orders

51:50 – Your October Checklist

53:00 – The Notice of Intention to File

56:00 – Rapid Fire: Presents, No-Shows, Three Strikes

58:30 – New Partners at Changeover

1:01:30 – Plans for Every Divorce Personality Type

1:07:50 – Kidsmas

🎧 Episodes mentioned:

The Creep Strategy Exposed (Ep 336) →

https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/domestic-violence-in-custody-battles-the-creep/id1503451022?i=1000788566797

Separated for the Holidays? (Ep 178) →

https://youtu.be/tdDduzuSK8I?si=3dUJ6YitO0TTXnFT

Co-Parenting & the School Holidays (Ep 78) → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flibR76WrNc

Divorce Holiday Survival Guide (Ep 224) → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/divorce-holiday-survival-guide-how-to-communicate-when/id1503451022?i=1000740365814

📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 | Orange Door | Lifeline — 13 11 14 | Police — 000

🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free resources + DIY Divorce Blueprint (Module 3 parenting templates)

If this helped you get ahead of Christmas, please subscribe, like and share so others can find it too.

All our best,

Laura & Lyn Your Guides By Your Side

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You've sent emails and heard nothing back for weeks
• The strategy has completely changed without a discussion
• The family violence you disclosed isn't even in your affidavit
• Your lawyer is great at invoices but not much else
• You're thinking about leaving your lawyer but don't know the steps

⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law. Always get independent legal advice, and consider all aspects before deciding to leave your lawyer.
🛟 This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

About this episode:
Bad lawyer, bad fit – or a good lawyer having a bad month? Mum and I walk through what a good lawyer relationship looks like, reasonable response times, why strategies change (and when backpedaling is a red flag), what to do when your lawyer minimises family violence, how to question a bill without feeling horrible, the repair conversation to have before you leave, and the exact steps to change lawyers without leaving yourself in the lurch. You're the client – it's okay to ask questions.

⏱️ Timeline
00:00 – Warning Signs Your Divorce Lawyer Might Be the Problem
01:00 – Why Family Lawyers Are Hardworking (And Human)
02:00 – You're the Client: Permission to Ask Questions
04:00 – Legal Disclaimer and Family Violence Warning
05:00 – What a Good Lawyer Relationship Looks Like
06:00 – What Your Lawyer Should Explain Without Being Asked
07:00 – A Good First Meeting: Chronologies and Probing Questions
09:00 – Over-Promising Lawyers and the Polaroid Analogy
10:00 – How Long Should You Wait to Hear Back?
11:00 – Busy Lawyer vs Neglectful Lawyer
13:00 – Never Miss a Court Deadline
15:00 – Radio Silence? The Email to Send the Principal
16:00 – Will Complaining Make My Lawyer Hate Me?
17:00 – Trust and Full Disclosure
18:00 – The Dot-Point Chronology Trick
19:00 – Illegal Activity and Legal Professional Privilege
21:00 – Section 128 Certificates
22:00 – Affairs, New Partners and Why Lawyers Don't Judge
23:00 – Strategy Changes and Backpedaling
27:00 – Defensive Lawyers and Letters of Advice
28:00 – When Lawyers Gatekeep Family Violence
29:00 – Section 43: Safety Over Everything
30:00 – The 2024 Reforms: Is Your Lawyer Up to Date?
34:00 – What a Normal Legal Bill Looks Like
35:00 – What You Can Question in a Bill
38:00 – The Repair Conversation
39:00 – Meeting the Principal and Testing Their Reaction
41:00 – Project Managing Your Case
43:00 – Leaving Your Lawyer: Pause the File, Check Timing
44:00 – Find Your New Lawyer First
45:00 – Outstanding Bills and Court Portal Access
46:00 – Rapid Fire: Second Opinions and Support People
48:00 – Step In, Step Out
49:00 – Is It Though? Why Questioning Is Everything

🎧 Episodes mentioned:
Legal Gatekeeping: Is Your Lawyer Telling Your Full Story? → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/legal-gatekeeping-is-your-lawyer-telling-your-full-story/id1503451022?i=1000666744026
Choosing a Family Lawyer – The Red Flags Not to Ignore → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/choosing-a-family-lawyer-the-red-flags-not-to-ignore/id1503451022?i=1000555058558
Take the Divorce Personality Quiz → https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/take-the-divorce-personality-quiz-learn-why-your/id1503451022?i=1000748290587
Decoding Divorce Word Salad Legal Letters → https://open.spotify.com/episode/4qiOSiGK9yOrt0lEdqCudQ

📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 | Lifeline — 13 11 14 | Police — 000
🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free checklists + DIY Divorce Blueprint

If this helped you work out whether your lawyer is the right fit, please subscribe, like and share so others can find it too.

All our best,
Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• Your ex is rewriting your shared history in lawyer's letters or affidavits
• Money is disappearing before your property settlement
• You suspect secret super, hidden cash, or crypto
• Your ex has turned your family or your own accountant against you
• The person who hurt you is now playing the victim
• You want to know these patterns are predictable and you're not alone
• You suspect your ex is a narc

⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law. Originally recorded in 2021 – laws may have changed. Always get independent legal advice.
🛟 This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) | Lifeline 13 11 14.

About this episode:
From the vault over 300 episodes back to one of the very first and most requested episodes we ever recorded. Mum draws on 35+ years in family law to open up The Narcissist Playbook: the 10 patterns she sees again and again with controlling and manipulative exes in divorce. If the playbook existed, it would have two chapters "I only care about me" and "I tell lies." Once you can see the patterns, you can see the next move coming.

⏱️ Timeline
00:00 – From the Vault: Why We're Replaying The Narcissist Playbook
01:00 – Family Violence Warning & Disclaimer
02:00 – The Two Rules of the Narcissist Playbook
04:00 – Pattern 1: They Rewrite History
07:00 – How to Prove the Lies: Photos, Receipts, Credibility
09:00 – Pattern 2: Spending Money Before Property Settlement
10:00 – Add-Backs: How Wasted Money Gets Counted
11:00 – Pattern 3: Secret Super, Bank Accounts and Hidden Cash
12:00 – Crypto and Digital Wallets
13:00 – Positive Credit Card Balances and Gambling Accounts
14:00 – Pattern 4: Undermining You With Family and Kids
16:00 – Building Your Support Group
17:00 – Pattern 5: Playing the Victim and DV Cross-Applications
18:00 – Keeping a Diary of Coercive Control
21:00 – Pattern 6: Parent of the Year Transformation
22:00 – Toys, Trips and Trash Talk: The Cost to Kids
24:00 – Genuine Change vs Performance
25:00 – Pattern 7: They Re-Partner Almost at Once
26:00 – Recruiting the New Partner Into the Campaign
27:00 – When the New Partner Wakes Up: Witnesses and Subpoenas
28:00 – Pattern 8: Turning Joint Professionals Against You
30:00 – Get Your Own Accountant and Team
31:00 – Pattern 9: Claiming Credit for Your Contributions
33:00 – Why Judges See Through It
34:00 – Pattern 10: Reversing the Blame
35:00 – How Courts Catch the Lies
37:00 – New Court Rules: Responding to Their Affidavit
38:00 – The Ten Patterns Recapped
39:00 – Reviewer of the Month: Free 30-Minute Consult With Lyn

🎧 Episode mentioned: Finance and Financial Planners (with Pedro)

📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 | Lifeline — 13 11 14 | Police — 000
🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au – free resources + DIY Divorce Blueprint
✉️ Questions: thedivorcecoursepodcast@gmail.com or DM @thedivorcecourse
⭐ Review the podcast each month for a chance to win a free 30-minute chat with Lyn

If this episode helped you recognise the patterns and feel less alone, please subscribe, like and share so others can find it too.

All our best,
Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You've been told to "just get the house valued" but nobody's explained who, how, or what it costs
• Your ex reckons the house is worth a completely different number
• Your ex won't let a valuer through the door – or is stalling on purpose
• You separated years ago and don't know which date the house gets valued at
• You're heading into mediation and need a number that holds up

⚠️ Disclaimer: General information only, not legal advice. Based on Australian family law. Always get independent legal advice for your circumstances.
🛟 This episode discusses manipulative and controlling behaviour. If you're in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

About this episode:
You can't divide the property until you know what it's worth. Mum and I unpack appraisals vs valuations, the panel-of-three process for choosing a single expert valuer, the joint letter, the seven-day rule that stops a stalling ex, the dirty tricks people pull, and the date trap – your house is valued at mediation or trial, not the day you separated. Plus strategies for every personality type, from amicable to manipulative and controlling.

⏱️ Timeline
00:00 – What Is Your House Really Worth in Divorce?
01:00 – Why a Valuation Is the Foundation of Property Settlement
02:00 – Legal Disclaimer
03:00 – Why Property Division Is a Mathematical Exercise
04:00 – Rates Notices and Numbers That Don't Count
05:00 – The "Willing But Not Anxious" Test
06:00 – Appraisal vs Valuation: Why Court Wants One Number
07:00 – The Divide-By-Four Trick for Appraisals
08:00 – Selling, Keeping or Being Bought Out
09:00 – Consent Orders With a Formula
10:00 – Keeping the House: Agreed Number or Single Expert
11:00 – Dirty Tricks: Half-Finished Renovations
13:00 – Avoidant Exes Living in the House
14:00 – The Valuer vs Agent Tactic
16:00 – The Panel of Three: Choosing a Valuer Fairly
17:00 – The Joint Letter to the Valuer
18:00 – The Seven-Day Rule That Stops a Stalling Ex
19:00 – Single Expert Valuers: What You're Signing Up For
20:00 – Retrospective Valuations
21:00 – What a Valuation Costs and Who Pays
23:00 – Getting Your Ex to Pay
24:00 – What Happens on Valuation Day
25:00 – Falling House Prices and Timing
26:00 – Do You Need to Be There?
27:00 – Do It Before Mediation
28:00 – What If You Disagree With the Valuation?
29:00 – Shadow Valuers and Cross-Examination
30:00 – When the Valuation Comes in Below the Mortgage
32:00 – The Date Trap: Value at Mediation, Not Separation
33:00 – Building a Wastage Argument
34:00 – Falling Markets and Updated Valuations
36:00 – Why Court Won't Punish Market Timing
37:00 – Court-Ordered Sales and Auctions
39:00 – Rapid Fire: Mortgages, Equity, Selling Costs
41:00 – Valuing the House Without Your Ex's Permission
42:00 – Amicable and Avoidant Exes
44:00 – High Conflict: Single Expert Takes the Fight Out
45:00 – Manipulative Exes on Inspection Day
47:00 – Delay Tactics and Final Thoughts

🎧 Episodes mentioned: Renovations and Divorce:

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⚖️ Case: Woodland & Todd