Have you become so accustomed to feeling stressed that you actually feel uncomfortable when you're not?

Perhaps you thrive on deadlines, fill every spare moment with something to do or find yourself feeling guilty when you finally sit down to rest.

But what if busyness has become more than a habit? What if it's become part of how you define yourself?

In this episode of The Curious Pause, I take a deeper look at our relationship with stress and explore why some of us seem to seek out the very pressures that leave us feeling exhausted.

I'm not suggesting that stress addiction is a recognised medical condition. It isn't. But I do think we can become so familiar with urgency, pressure and constant activity that slowing down begins to feel uncomfortable.

I explore the buzz we sometimes get from working under pressure, the satisfaction of being the person everyone relies on and why we can find ourselves creating more work even when we desperately need a break.

I also reflect on the expectations we absorb throughout our lives, particularly the belief that being busy means being productive, valuable or successful.

Drawing on my own experiences, I share how I've learnt to move away from constantly doing and towards a more balanced way of living.

Because sometimes the most challenging thing isn't finding time to rest. It's allowing ourselves to enjoy that rest without feeling guilty.

In this episode, I explore:

• 🧠 Why stress and pressure can sometimes give us a buzz.
• ⏰ How we can become dependent on last-minute deadlines to motivate ourselves.
• 💚 The 'Mum Martyr Club' and the habit of putting everyone else's needs before our own.
• 🏃 Why busyness can become part of our identity.
• 🌿 How constant activity can prevent us from recognising our feelings and needs.
• 🪷 Why slowing down can initially feel uncomfortable.
• ✨ The importance of awareness, acceptance and learning to simply be rather than constantly do.

Something to ponder

Imagine you've finished everything you need to do today.

No emails waiting, no appointments, no washing, no one asking you for anything.

You have an entire afternoon to yourself.

How does that feel?

Wonderful? Or does a little voice immediately start reminding you of all the things you could be doing?

And here's the question I'd really love you to ponder:

Who would you be if you stopped measuring your worth by how much you do?

I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Mentioned in this episode

Kirsten Sweeting Morelli, who has described stress as 'the new crack', a provocative comparison that invites us to question our relationship with pressure and busyness.

Dr Sara Gottfried, who has written about the 'Mum Martyr Club' and the tendency to put everyone else's needs before our own.

A gentle invitation

You don't have to change everything overnight.

Perhaps begin by noticing where your time and energy are going, what brings you fulfilment and what leaves you feeling depleted.

And remember, rest isn't something you have to earn. It's part of being human.

🎙️ The Curious Pause

The place to pause, listen and remember.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who might benefit from giving themselves permission to slow down.

Until next time, pause, listen and remember.

How often have you said, "I'm so stressed!" or "There just aren't enough hours in the day"?

Stress has become such a familiar part of everyday life that we barely question it anymore. But have we become so accustomed to feeling stressed that we've forgotten what it feels like not to be?

In this episode of The Curious Pause, I explore what stress actually is, how it affects our bodies and minds, and why a natural survival response can become a problem when we rarely give ourselves time to recover.

From imagining a hungry lion appearing in the countryside to building a children's tower of blocks, I share some simple ways to understand how stress works.

Imagine each block representing a different demand on your body or mind. A poor night's sleep, running late, getting stuck in traffic, skipping lunch or dealing with another problem at work. The blocks keep piling up until one seemingly insignificant event sends the whole tower tumbling down.

We often blame that final incident for our reaction, when the real problem may be the stress that's been accumulating over days, weeks or even months.

I also explore why stress isn't always bad, why we all respond differently to the same situations, and how physical, emotional and environmental pressures can quietly accumulate without us even noticing.

Drawing on my background in nursing and personalised health, I reflect on the importance of listening to our bodies, recognising the early warning signs and giving ourselves permission to rest.

In this episode, I explore:

• 🦁 Why our fight, flight or freeze response is essential for survival.
• 🧱 How everyday stresses accumulate until our tower comes tumbling down.
• 🌿 Why stress isn't always harmful and how it can sometimes help us perform.
• 💚 The effects of prolonged stress on our physical and emotional wellbeing.
• 🧠 How our thoughts and beliefs can influence our stress response.
• 👂 Why listening to our bodies matters just as much as listening to our minds.
• 🌸 Simple ways to create more space for rest, recovery and balance.

Something to ponder

Have you become so accustomed to being busy that you've forgotten how to rest?

What are the little building blocks of stress in your life that you've stopped noticing?

And what one small change might create a little more space for you?

You don't have to solve everything today. Sometimes awareness is enough.

Mentioned in this episode

In my book Beyond Hot and Crazy: A Radical Guide to Living Well with Menopause, I explore the relationship between stress, health and wellbeing, particularly during menopause.

Coming next

Are You Addicted to Stress?

Can we become so accustomed to busyness, pressure and constant demands that slowing down actually feels uncomfortable?

That's what I'll be exploring in the next episode.

🎙️ The Curious Pause

The place to pause, listen and remember.

If this episode resonates with you, I'd love you to share it with someone who might benefit from a little more space in their life.

Until next time, pause, listen and remember.

Sometimes we become so caught up in what we're doing that we forget to notice what's happening within us.

In this episode of The Curious Pause, recorded beside my local canal on a beautiful sunny morning, I explore a simple practice I call tuning in.

For me, tuning in brings together pausing and contemplation. It doesn't need a meditation cushion or half an hour of spare time. I often do it at traffic lights, between tasks or when I'm out walking.

It begins with the breath.

How am I breathing right now? Is my breath flowing easily and deeply, or has it become shallow and caught high in my chest?

Then I move my attention into my body.

What can I feel? Tension? Warmth? An ache? My feet on the ground? The breeze on my skin?

Next come the emotions.

What am I actually feeling right now?

There is no right or wrong answer. The purpose isn't to change anything. It's simply to notice.

And finally, I leave a little space and see what pops up.

Perhaps my body is telling me I'm thirsty, hungry or need to move. Perhaps I need to rest. Maybe I suddenly feel the urge to call someone.

Our bodies are communicating with us all the time.

The question is: are we listening?

This simple practice has been one of the biggest changes in my own life, and the more I've used it, the easier it has become to notice what's happening not only around me, but within me.

So today, take a moment.

Pause.

Tune in.

Listen to your breath, your body and your emotions.

And then leave a little space to discover what comes up.

My Tune in - Pause meditation can be downloaded at https://www.pamlob.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Pause-1.mp3

🎧 The Curious Pause: the place to pause, listen and remember.

Sometimes a book reaches into the past and brings memories back that you weren't expecting.

I've just finished reading Searching: A Love Story by Ian Proud, a novel set against the devastating Boxing Day tsunami of 2004. Ian was working at the British Embassy in Bangkok at the time and was one of the first British diplomats sent into the disaster zone. His own experiences of the tsunami and its aftermath, including PTSD, helped inspire the novel.

Reading it took me straight back to that same Christmas.

While the world watched the unimaginable devastation unfolding in Thailand, my family was facing a very different kind of loss. My husband, Sandy, was dying from leukaemia. Against the odds, we'd managed to bring him home for Christmas. He died just a couple of weeks later, in January 2005.

More than twenty years on, Ian's story brought some of those memories back and made me reflect on grief, how differently we each cope with it, and the things I've learnt through my own experience and my later work as a counsellor.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

For me, coping initially meant keeping incredibly busy. Looking back, I can see how exhausting that became and how close I came to burnout before somebody recognised what was happening and helped me to stop.

We can become very good at saying:

I'm fine.

I can cope.

I don't need anybody.

But sometimes the very people we push away are the people we most need to let in.

In this episode of The Curious Pause, I reflect on death, grief and PTSD, why we find death so difficult to talk about, and why allowing ourselves to receive support can be part of finding our way through loss.

We never forget the people we've lost. They become part of who we are, and those experiences shape us.

But we don't have to navigate grief alone.

Love will always win the day if we allow it.

📖 Searching: A Love Story

Ian Proud's novel follows Hatty and Monty, whose relationship is changed by the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami and its aftermath. Ian draws on his own experience working in the disaster zone in Thailand and living with PTSD afterwards.

You can find out more about Ian and Searching: A Love Story here:

Ian Proud's official website: https://www.prouddiplomat.com/

In this episode

🌿 A novel that unexpectedly brought memories of my own grief back

🌿 Christmas 2004, the Boxing Day tsunami and the final weeks of Sandy's life

🌿 Why death is something we still struggle to talk about

🌿 Why there is no "right" way to grieve

🌿 How keeping constantly busy became my way of coping

🌿 The importance of recognising when coping becomes exhaustion

🌿 Why grief can make us push away the very people we need

🌿 Letting other people support us when life becomes too much

If you're struggling

If you're living with grief, depression or PTSD and finding it difficult to cope, please reach out. Talk to someone you trust or seek support from an appropriate professional or support organisation.

You don't have to carry everything alone.

Pause. Listen. Remember.

What if the heart is not just a pump, but a doorway back to your most authentic self? Pam explores the heart as science, symbolism, and healing all at once - and why learning to soften around it may change how you love, grieve, and live.She traces the heart’s deeper role across cultures and modern research, from the heart-brain connection and heart coherence to the intriguing reports from heart transplant recipients who describe shifts in taste, personality, and even memory-like experiences. Then the episode turns inward, into the way early hurt can teach us to build walls around the heart - and how those defenses can follow us into adulthood.You'll hear Pam reflect on her own childhood, the independence she learned early, and the long inner work of becoming more vulnerable, self-compassionate, and open. She shares a powerful reframing: maybe healing is not about creating something new, but reconnecting with something that was never truly broken.You'll discover:

• Why heart coherence matters for emotional wellbeing and healing
• What makes the heart-brain relationship so much more mysterious than most of us realize
• Why transplant stories keep raising big questions about consciousness and identity
• How childhood protection patterns can become lifelong habits
• The difference between self-love as a slogan and self-love as real compassion

Pam also makes a case for emotional wholeness - the idea that love includes joy, grief, anger, fear, and tenderness, not just the pleasant parts. If you’ve ever felt guarded, overly self-reliant, or unsure how to be kind to yourself, this conversation offers a gentle but profound invitation to come home.Perfect for anyone drawn to heart-centered healing, emotional resilience, spirituality, and the deeper meaning of gratitude. By the end, you may find yourself seeing the heart not as a destination, but as a home you’ve had all along.

Timestamps

00:00 - Gratitude begins in the heart

00:29 - The heart as love, wisdom, and a "little brain"

00:58 - Heart coherence and the heart's energetic field

01:26 - Heart transplant stories and questions about memory

02:33 - The heart, body, brain, and consciousness

03:02 - Early childhood protection and building walls around the heart

04:25 - Learning to soften, trust, and feel vulnerable

05:28 - Self-love as compassion, forgiveness, and rest

06:24 - Love includes grief, anger, and pain

06:55 - Emotions moving through us like they do in children

07:29 - A simple heart-centered practice for daily life

07:59 - Rumi on love beyond separation

🎆 In this episode

I talk about why Bonfire Night has become much more than one night, the effect of unpredictable fireworks on people with PTSD and sensory sensitivities, the impact on pets, livestock and wildlife, firework injuries and the surprising danger of sparklers, and the amount of money we spend on something that disappears within seconds.

Every November I find myself asking the same question: why do we still need to set fireworks off at home?

I'm not against fireworks. I enjoy a spectacular organised display as much as anyone. But organised displays happen at a known time and place. You can choose whether to attend, and people and pet owners who struggle with the noise can prepare.

Private fireworks are different.

A sudden explosion doesn't feel like entertainment to everyone.

For veterans and others living with PTSD, an unexpected bang can be deeply distressing. Autistic people and others with sensory sensitivities may find the unpredictable noise overwhelming.

Then there are our animals. Dogs hiding or trying to escape, horses and livestock panicking in fields, and wildlife with no understanding of why their normally quiet world has suddenly erupted in explosions.

And fireworks cause real injuries.

Historically, around 1,000 firework injuries a year were recorded in Britain. The Children's Burns Trust says more than 550 children under 16 are taken to A&E during the four weeks surrounding Bonfire Night.

Even the seemingly innocent sparkler can burn at temperatures approaching 2,000°C.

Then there's the money. The UK fireworks industry has been described as being worth around £200 million a year.

Just imagine what even a fraction of that money could do elsewhere.

So I'm not calling for an end to fireworks.

I'm asking something much simpler:

Do we really need to let them off at home?

There are organised displays across the country. They're spectacular, predictable, managed by professionals and many raise money for charities and local organisations.

Is a few minutes of colour in the sky worth the fear it may cause to the veteran down the road, the dog hiding under the table, the horse panicking in a field, the wildlife we never see or the child who ends the evening in A&E?

Sometimes traditions deserve to be celebrated.

And sometimes they deserve to be questioned.

Pause. Ponder.

And perhaps this time, leave the fireworks to the organised displays.

Children's Burns Trust – Fireworks

https://cbtrust.org.uk/get-informed/causes-of-burns-and-preventions/fireworks/

UK Government – Fireworks and Pyrotechnics in the UK

https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/fireworks-and-pyrotechnics-in-the-uk/fireworks-and-pyrotechnics-in-the-uk

NHS England – Firework and burns injuries

https://www.england.nhs.uk/2019/11/demand-for-nhs-burns-care-soars-over-bonfire-night-and-diwali/

UK Parliament – Firework injury hospital admissions

https://questions-statements.parliament.uk/written-questions/detail/2025-11-10/88976

House of Commons – Fireworks Sale and Use debate

https://hansard.parliament.uk/commons/2024-12-09/debates/CCC2EF11-D537-40A7-9D1F-3451071819B5/FireworksSaleAndUse

I’ve written a more in-depth article on this subject going into the horrifying statistics https://pamlob.substack.com/p/why-do-we-still-allow-fireworks

Pam reflects on the experience of a story or character arriving seemingly from nowhere, using her character Monia as an example. She explores how listening to those inner nudges can lead to richer writing, unexpected research, and a deeper connection to creativity.

In this episode, Pam shares how Monia appeared during a writing retreat and then deepened through meditation at a Hay House writers boot camp, eventually shaping the Daughter of the Solstice books. She also considers whether creative ideas come from imagination, the subconscious, intuition, or something larger, and why the source may matter less than what the idea helps us create.

Key topics

• Pam introduces the idea of listening beyond the mind, body, and emotions to the sudden arrival of a character or image.
• Monia first appeared as an older woman teaching a young girl about becoming a daughter of Gaia.
• A later meditation at a Hay House writers boot camp gave Monia a stronger voice and backstory.
• Pam describes Monia's childhood in the Emerald Isles, her escape after family tragedy, and the beginning of Daughter of the Solstice.
• The story expands into Kemet, ancient Egypt, including the Mouseion in Alexandria, temples, the Sphinx, and the pyramids.
• Pam explains her process: images often come first, then she researches to find real places that match what she has already sensed.
• She wonders whether the images come from imagination, subconscious memory, past lives, or the collective unconscious.
• Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic is referenced for the idea that ideas have lives of their own and may move on if not acted on.
• Carl Jung's concept of the collective unconscious is used as another possible framework for where creative material comes from.
• What matters most to Pam is that listening to Monia brought her back to writing, expanded her knowledge, and rekindled her love of the process.

Timestamps

00:00 - How a character can arrive from nowhere

00:30 - Monia appears during a writing retreat

01:08 - Meditation at Hay House writers boot camp

01:37 - Monia's origins in the Emerald Isles

02:07 - Writing ancient Egypt without modern distraction

02:34 - Images first, research second

03:19 - Journey into ancient India and China

03:47 - Writing as if inside the story

04:15 - Elizabeth Gilbert on ideas with their own lives

04:42 - Carl Jung and the collective unconscious

05:08 - Why the origin of an idea may not matter

05:35 - How Monia brought Pam back to writing

06:02 - The real question: what happens if you listen?

06:32 - Listening as a way to reconnect with Gaia

Notable quotes

"Perhaps sometimes we simply need to become quiet enough to notice what's already trying to reach us."

"What matters to me is what has happened since I listened."

"Perhaps the more interesting question is, what will happen if I listen to it?"

Pam shares a simple, grounded reflection on gratitude and why it matters beyond surface-level positivity. Drawing from a dog walk, everyday comforts, and her counseling work, she explains how a no-repeat gratitude journal can retrain attention and help you notice more of what is already present.

Key topics

• Gratitude as a way to reconnect with body, mind, and soul through small daily pauses
• Why gratitude is not denial of grief, illness, or financial difficulty
• Lessons from seeing resilience and pride in people living with far less material comfort
• How everyday details can become gratitude anchors: tea, clean water, a warm bed, a dog greeting you, flowers, sunlight, and kind interactions
• The gratitude journal exercise Pam used with clients: write 3 to 5 things each night, with no repeats
• How the no-repeat rule forces deeper noticing, not just recycled phrases
• Why keeping the practice at bedtime can redirect the mind away from worry and rumination
• How repeated gratitude practice turns into a daylong habit of attention rather than a bedtime task
• The central point that gratitude is less about forcing positive feelings and more about noticing what we usually walk past

Timestamps

• (00:21) Why gratitude came up after a morning dog walk
• (00:49) Finding gratitude in weather, home, and a simple walk
• (01:48) Gratitude is not pretending life is easy
• (02:17) Seeing pride and care in people living with less
• (02:56) How focus on what we lack crowds out what we have
• (03:24) Small everyday things that are easy to overlook
• (03:52) The gratitude journal exercise Pam used with clients
• (04:21) The no-repeat rule and why it deepens awareness
• (05:20) Gratitude as training your attention
• (06:20) Why gratitude helps quiet bedtime worry
• (06:50) The invitation to start tonight with three things
• (07:18) Noticing what you usually walk straight past

Action items

• Find a small notebook and keep it beside your bed
• Tonight, write down 3 things you are grateful for
• Tomorrow night, write 3 different things with no repeats
• Notice what starts to change during the day
• Pause during ordinary moments and ask: what have I noticed that I can appreciate right now?