How do you begin to feel safe again when betrayal has shaken your trust, your relationship and your sense of self?

In this episode, Jeremy Mast welcomes therapist, author and betrayal trauma specialist Mari Lee for a compassionate conversation about healing after infidelity, pornography addiction and sexual betrayal.

Drawing on her personal experience and work with betrayed partners, Mari explores why checking, replaying conversations and constantly searching for reassurance can become part of the response to betrayal. She discusses the shame many partners carry, the impact of gaslighting and why being told to “just move on” can leave people feeling even more alone.

Mari also guides listeners through a vivid imagery exercise and shares ways to approach recovery through mindfulness, self-compassion, supportive relationships and clearer boundaries.

Whether you’ve experienced betrayal yourself, are supporting someone who has, or work with couples navigating recovery, this conversation offers understanding and hope.

In this episode, we explore:

• Mari’s personal story and what led her to support betrayed partners.
• Understanding hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts and safety-seeking behaviors.
• Mindfulness and guided imagery as tools for grounding.
• Gaslighting, self-blame and the pressure to forgive before you’re ready.
• Why rebuilding trust involves consistent actions over time.
• Finding support that understands betrayal trauma.
• Reclaiming your needs, values, boundaries and personal agency.
• Making room for anger, grief and the future you thought you would have.

Connect with Mari Lee

For counseling inquiries: mari@growthcounselingservices.com

For therapist consultation, business coaching and book-writing support: mari@thecounselorscoach.com

Connect with Jeremy and the Center for Integrative Change

Looking for support on your recovery journey? Visit CICFreeConsult.com to schedule a free consultation with a therapist or coach.

If this conversation resonated with you, share it with someone who may need it and subscribe to The Compassionate Recovery Podcast.

Recovery is hard work. You don’t have to do it alone.

Licensed therapist and The Compassionate Recovery host Jeremy Mast welcomes Spencer Posey, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex addiction therapist, to discuss how Christian faith can shape recovery from porn and compulsive sexual behaviors and the impact on betrayed partners. They note faith can intensify shame and stigma, leading people to label themselves “addicted” even when patterns may not meet clinical criteria, and contrast this with the ICD-11 category of compulsive sexual behavior disorder. Spencer describes the church’s frequent use of labels like “moral failure” and how shame fuels the addiction cycle, while offering a scriptural reframe using Zechariah 3 and Mark 9 to emphasize God meeting people in brokenness rather than condemnation. They also connect shame reduction to improved relationship repair and encourage both struggling individuals and partners that they are not alone and that supportive resources and community can help.

00:00 Welcome to the Podcast

01:19 Meet Spencer Posey

03:30 Faith Shame and Porn

08:01 Shame Cycle Explained

10:00 Zechariah Reclothing Image

14:17 Addiction Labels and Language

19:56 Recovery Steps with Faith

29:56 Couples Trust Rebuilding

33:49 Betrayed Partners in Church

36:52 Advice for Men and Partners

42:53 Resources and Closing

Jeremy Mast introduces the Compassionate Recovery Podcast and interviews Detroit psychotherapist and author Dr. Ken Adams about enmeshment as a developmental trauma issue. Dr. Adams defines enmeshment as excessive emotional closeness and dependency where boundaries feel inconceivable, leading to submission and subjugation of self, anxious attachment, and a diminished sense of identity. He describes the internal experience as chronic guilt, misplaced loyalty, and anxiety that disrupt autonomy and relationships, often placing a romantic partner “in the back seat” to the family of origin. Dr. Adams distinguishes “divorcing” internal obligation contracts from “amputating” parents, emphasizing renegotiated family roles, reordered loyalties toward self and partner, and protecting “ritual space” for personal growth. He links enmeshment to sexual problems and sex addiction as an escape and misplaced rebellion.

00:00 Welcome to the Podcast

01:17 Meet Dr Ken Adams

02:08 New Book Announcement

03:39 What Is Enmeshment

06:10 Origins and Early Clues

08:38 Emotional Experience and Guilt

12:07 Divorcing the Internal Contract

14:32 Boundaries Beyond Distance

18:29 Partners and Loyalty Binds

24:30 Enmeshment and Sexual Acting Out

27:23 Resources for Adults and Parents

33:23 Renegotiating Loyalties

37:29 Protecting Ritual Space

41:50 Transparency Without Submission

43:39 Wrap Up and Next Steps

44:21 Final Outro

Links:

Dr. Ken Adams: www.overcomingenmeshment.com

Center for Integrative Change: www.CICFreeConsult.com

Licensed therapist and CSAT Jeremy Mast hosts Emily Delster, LMFT, CSAT, and Certified Financial Disorders Therapist, discussing her background from The Meadows to launching a Santa Monica private practice and beginning a PhD in performance psychology focused on healing trauma and addiction while sustaining excellence. Delster describes how high-achieving clients often avoid “rock bottom,” struggle with trust, intimacy, and power/control rooted in early powerlessness, and may use success and money to maintain an illusion of control. She explains sex and porn addiction as intimacy disorders driven by avoiding vulnerability, mistaking intensity for intimacy, and reinforcing shame through ritualized behaviors tied to trauma and dopamine. They highlight therapy as a reparative relationship, the need for relational skill-building, and early warning signs via feedback from loved ones or lack of close relationships. Delster outlines help options including CSAT assessment, ITAP directories, residential programs like Gentle Path, and 12-step groups, and defines financial disorders as disordered relationships with money including gambling, overspending, underearning, overworking, and financial abuse.

00:00 Welcome to the Podcast

01:20 Meet Emily Delster

02:22 Emily’s Origin Story

05:53 From Meadows to Malibu

08:15 Treating High Performers

11:06 Trust Intimacy Control

14:58 Therapy and Vulnerability

16:55 Intimacy Disorder Explained

19:33 Intensity Trauma Dopamine

23:27 No Rock Bottom Warning Signs

27:29 Modern Men and Intimacy

34:22 Getting Help and Treatment

37:56 Financial Disorders Overview

41:43 Connect and Closing

Links:

• Center for Integrative Change: www.centerforintegrativechange.com
• www.CICFreeConsult.com
• www.emilydelster.com

Licensed therapist Jeremy Mast welcomes Nice Guy Recovery Coach Michael Zick to discuss “nice guy syndrome” from Dr. Robert Glover’s No More Mr. Nice Guy, defining it as a male form of codependency marked by people-pleasing, self-abandonment, emotional disconnection, suppressed anger, and inauthenticity that harms relationships. Michael explains how childhood roles and limited emotional modeling lead men to repress feelings, with anger often emerging sideways through withdrawal, stonewalling, manipulation, or addictive and secretive behaviors like porn, sex and love addiction, cheating, or substances. They explore enmeshment with mothers (covert/emotional incest, “monogamy to mom”), guilt and obligation, the “loyalty bind,” and how unresolved anger gets displaced onto partners and family. Initial healing steps include awareness, emotional vocabulary (feeling wheel), responsibility over victimhood, identifying needs and boundaries, and consistent new actions; Michael shares resources at michaelzick.com and niceguyuniversity.com.

00:00 Podcast Welcome

01:19 Meet Michael Zick

02:33 What Is a Nice Guy

06:12 Emotional Suppression

09:18 No More Mr Nice Guy

11:57 Why Nice Guys Cheat

15:49 Enmeshment With Mom

22:09 Guilt Anger Spillover

25:34 Crisis Leads to Healing

27:01 Boundaries With Mom

28:25 Books That Help

29:16 Therapy And Enmeshment

30:19 Owning Your Part

32:49 First Steps Awareness

33:18 Body Tension And Beliefs

37:22 Feel The Full Range

40:18 Fear And Authenticity

43:45 Victim Mindset Trap

48:27 Agency Through Action

50:14 Addiction And Nice Guy Work

52:10 Where To Find Michael

53:23 Final Podcast Wrap

What if recovery wasn't about perfection—but about compassion?

In this deeply personal solo episode of The Compassionate Recovery Podcast, licensed therapist and Center for Integrative Change founder Jeremy Mast opens up about his own journey with alcohol, shame, and healing. For the first time, Jeremy shares how his lived experience has shaped the compassionate, harm reduction approach he now brings to clients every day.

From navigating perfectionism in college to quietly struggling with alcohol during seminary, Jeremy reflects on the emotional challenges that fueled his drinking and the transformative impact of working with a therapist who met him with curiosity instead of judgment.

Rather than viewing addiction as a moral failure, Jeremy explores how compulsive behaviors often serve an important purpose—and why understanding that purpose is the first step toward meaningful change.

Whether you're in recovery, questioning your relationship with alcohol or other compulsive behaviors, or you're a therapist looking for a more humane framework for treating addiction, this episode offers hope, honesty, and practical insight.

In This Episode You'll Learn:

• Jeremy's personal story of alcohol use and recovery
• How shame and perfectionism can fuel addictive behaviors
• The role secrecy plays in maintaining addiction
• Why compassionate therapy was a turning point in his healing
• What harm reduction really means (and what it doesn't)
• Why recovery isn't one-size-fits-all
• How meeting people where they are creates lasting change
• The importance of treating trauma, mental health, and addiction together
• Why progress - not perfection - is the goal

Key Takeaway

Recovery doesn't have to begin with rock bottom. It begins with compassion. When we understand why we engage in compulsive behaviors instead of judging ourselves for them, lasting change becomes possible.

Connect with Jeremy Mast & The Center for Integrative Change

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could benefit from a more compassionate perspective on recovery.

Learn more about Jeremy and his work at the Center for Integrative Change, where healing begins with understanding - not shame.

LINKS MENTIONED: The Center For Integrative Change - https://www.centerforintegrativechange.com/

00:00 Show Welcome

01:28 Why My Story Matters

02:37 College Perfectionism Roots

06:38 First Drink Turning Point

08:48 Secret Drinking Escalates

10:09 Therapy And Enmeshment

13:25 Pornography And Shame

16:24 Career Struggles And Rock Bottom

19:06 Quitting Then Harm Reduction

21:20 Harm Reduction Explained

24:28 Core Principles And Change

31:02 Personalized Goals And Trauma

35:09 Wrap Up And Resources

36:15 Final Outro

Licensed therapist Jeremy Mast welcomes trauma therapist and former business coach John Clarke (clinical director of Calm Again Counseling, host of Going Inside, founder of Pathways to Self) to discuss Internal Family Systems (IFS).

John explains IFS as a model where everyone has “parts” with positive intent, led by “Self” characterized by curiosity and compassion, and describes symptoms as arising when parts become polarized after trauma.

They connect IFS to betrayal trauma and addiction recovery by emphasizing each partner “keeping their side of the street clean,” unblending from reactive protector parts, and building internal attachment so partners can offer resonance rather than fixing or withdrawing.

They discuss how men often struggle with intense emotions due to shame and conditioning, the importance of validating without endorsing harmful behavior, maintaining boundaries and agency for betrayed partners, and applying client-centered care and harm-reduction principles in therapy.

00:00 Welcome to the Podcast

01:19 Meet John Clarke

02:34 Johns Work and Pathways

04:19 IFS Model Overview

09:01 Understanding Self

13:24 IFS for Betrayal Trauma

16:07 Validating Feelings and Attachment

22:07 Men Fixing and Emotional Safety

27:05 Therapist Agenda and Harm Reduction

34:59 Boundaries Choice and Validation

38:12 Connect with John

39:35 Final Wrap and Resources

Rebuilding trust doesn't begin with promises—it begins with truth.

When betrayal enters a relationship, the damage extends far beyond the discovery of unwanted behaviors. Whether the betrayal involves infidelity, pornography, sexual addiction, or prolonged deception, the deepest wound is often the loss of trust. Healing begins not when the secrets stop, but when honesty becomes the new foundation.

In a recent episode of The Compassionate Recovery Podcast, Jeremy Mast sat down with therapist, author, and betrayal recovery expert Dan Drake to explore one of the most important—and often misunderstood—steps in recovery: the disclosure process. Together, they unpacked why carefully guided disclosure isn't about punishment or confession. It's about creating a pathway toward genuine healing.