We’re back after a couple weeks off, and somehow the conversation immediately turns into Hedonism II, buffet crab legs, DoxyPEP, and whether or not everyone in the room deserves equal access to the three lions.

John’s sternum is apparently in a delicate transitional phase, which leads us to discover that Daddy Is Molting. From there we get into gumbo, sourdough starters, baby rabbits, deadly household pets, and the exact amount of soul an animal needs before humans are allowed to race it.

We also talk Lions, Jerry Springer, childhood injuries, scumbag stories, Steve Irwin vengeance, and why context is extremely important when somebody tells you they got stabbed through the hand with a screwdriver.

Nick gets back from Peoria and somehow a conversation about hotel soap turns into a full breakdown of terrible motels, backwards shower handles, sleeping on the beach, and the weird little things you notice when you stay somewhere that maybe costs a little too little.

We also get into spring break stories, Florida being Florida, Australia, fantasy football, Jared Goff, the Lions, and why the first few weeks of the NFL season apparently don’t count if things are going badly.

Plus, Nick tries to use a cold shower as leverage for a late checkout, which honestly feels like a pretty good summary of the whole episode.

John no-calls, no-shows this week, leaving Alex and Nick to hold down the job like the dedicated employees they apparently are. Naturally, they spend the opening minutes discussing disciplinary action, John’s importance to the Lions, and whether his absence could have altered the outcome of the game.

From there, they discover the seventh human sense, debate how much performance actually matters in stand-up, discuss gay telepathy, crimes they’d commit in a world without cameras, why Spain is just worse Mexico, and the surprisingly complicated social rules of cruising.

Plus: sexomnia, bathhouse etiquette, Betamax, nosebleeds, eating too fast, Nick’s childhood hockey humiliation, and the possibility that his friend Doug may secretly be the Michigan Dogman.