Summary

This episode is all about how I get obsessed with where my packages are and when they will arrive and how I watch the flight trackers on airplanes and how none of that tells me how large the world is and so I start to think it is small. Small enough that I am the only one who will fit. It is about how we should at least acknowledge that there is distance and danger and, perhaps, other people, too.

Summary

A chance encounter at a pizza place led me on a journey to understand why it made me so happy. Through conversations with three childhood friends - Tony, Marc, and Andy - I discover something profound about how authentic relationships actually form. This isn’t just nostalgia; it’s an investigation into what made these friendships different and why they’ve lasted over 30 years.

The answer challenges everything we think we know about building trust and community: these relationships weren’t formed through careful trust-building, but through accidental vulnerability - being goofy and open before they knew it was dangerous.

Timestamps

(00:00) - Pizza Encounter

(02:17) - Sharing Stories of Non-Betrayal

(05:20) - More Stories of Kids Being Kids

(07:57) - Musical Insights

(10:23) - Writing Songs Naked

(11:55) - Accidental Vulnerability

(13:50) - What does Community Mean Now? Andy

(15:39) - What does Community Mean Now? Marc

(16:53) - What does Community Mean Now? Tony

(18:32) - The Magic of Getting Lost in Chicago

(20:18) - Thank Yous and End Matters

Key Themes

Accidental Vulnerability: How being vulnerable before knowing it’s risky can create deeper trust than calculated relationship-building

Childhood Innocence: The advantage of acting without self-consciousness and how “being dumb enough to not know you couldn’t” enables authentic connection

Safety and Trust: Why absolute trust (“no backstabbing to worry about”) was the foundation that allowed for complete vulnerability

Kids Being Kids: How physical playfulness, shared silliness, and creative collaboration build lasting bonds

Community Creation: The difference between consuming community versus participating in creating it

Memorable Quotes

“I was never gonna betray anyone. I felt like I knew that about all you guys too.” - Marc

“We acted goofy because we did not yet know that was dangerous.” - Eric

“The reason I can play music is because I was like dumb enough to not know I couldn’t… That’s part of the advantage of being young.” - Marc

“Self-consciousness kicked in at some point, right? It turns on at some point in your life.” - Marc

“It’s like flipping a switch… there’s people I see all the time, it’s still awkward. Yeah. And there’s people I see all the time. It’s still awkward.” - Tony

Stories Featured

• The Restaurant Encounter: A chance meeting that triggered decades-old memories

• The Charlie Horse Ritual: Daily “attacks” that became bonding instead of bullying

• Three Amigos in the Hallway: Singing movie songs while people stared, not caring about social judgment

• The Newsies Secret: Sharing vulnerable experiences (liking musicals as teenage boys)

• They Might Be Giants Concert: Getting lost in Chicago and finding the universe singing their experience back to them

Reflection Questions

• What relationships in your life were formed through accidental vulnerability rather than calculated trust-building?

• When did you first become self-conscious? What did you lose when that happened?

• How do you create safe spaces for others to be authentically themselves?

• What would it look like to be “dumb enough” to try something vulnerable today?

• Who are the people you can “flip a switch” with, even after years apart?

Resources & References

• The Three Amigos (1986) - The movie that became a bonding ritual

• Stand By Me - Referenced as similar to their childhood adventures

• They Might Be Giants - The band whose concert provided a transcendent moment

Call to Action

Think about the communities you’re part of. Are you consuming them or participating in creating them? This week, try one act of accidental vulnerability - do something goofy, genuine, or slightly risky in the service of connection.

About The Better

This podcast explores what it means to experience “the better” - true rest, community, and purpose - in our daily lives. Through personal stories and conversations, we investigate how authentic connection actually works and what it takes to build communities where everyone can thrive.

Subscribe for new episodes exploring community, purpose, and what it means to live well together.

Share this episode with someone you can “flip a switch” with - an old friend who knew you before you learned to be careful.

Summary

The karate kid inspired me. Not to do anything important like train to become like Danny Larusso. To kick trees and hurt myself. So often we think it is enough to pretend or live vicariously through the things we consume. But we will never be able to build the kind of vulnerable communities, communities that form the foundation of the better, if all we do is hope for the communities to serve us. We can not just be consumers, we have to contribute.

Episode Timestamps

(00:00) - The Karate Kid backyard incident

(04:12) - How consumption shapes identity

(05:25) - Cultural encouragement of the consumer mindset

(06:58) - The impact on our communities

(08:57) - Moving from systems to relationship

(11:12) - Practical steps toward participation

Key Themes

• The illusion of transformation through consumption - How watching, reading, or observing can give us the feeling of growth without actual change

• Participation versus spectatorship - The crucial distinction between consuming community content and actively creating community relationships

• The hidden costs of passive engagement - Why consumption-based approaches to community ultimately leave us more isolated and fragmented

• Moving from “magic button” thinking to intentional action - Understanding that genuine transformation requires sustained effort and vulnerability

• The relationship between presence and response - How authentic community requires both showing up and actively engaging, not just observing from the sidelines

Memorable Quotes

“Transformation cannot occur without intentional action. If we want to become something that we are not, we must pursue that change. Consumption is not enough to truly transform someone.”

“When we merely consume community rather than participate in it, we often find ourselves shaped by external definitions rather than internal growth.”

“Participation isn’t always about doing more. Sometimes the most vulnerable form of participation is simply taking up space within a community.”

“What we think we’re consuming often ends up consuming us when we remain passive.”

“The shift from consumption to participation isn’t all-or-nothing. It happens step by step, choice by choice.”

Resources Mentioned

• The Karate Kid (1984 film)

• Andy Crouch’s observations on technology and transformation

• 1 Corinthians 12 (the body metaphor for community)

Reflection Questions

• Where in your life are you consuming community when you could be participating in it?

• What “magic button” solutions are you hoping will transform you without requiring your active engagement?

• How has passive consumption shaped your identity in ways you didn’t intend?

• What fears keep you from moving from spectator to participant in the communities you care about?

• What would it look like to take one small step from consumption toward contribution this week?

Call to Action

Consider one community you’re currently consuming rather than contributing to. What’s one small way you could shift from spectator to participant this week? Share your thoughts in the comments or reach out on social media - but more importantly, take that step from watching to doing

Next Episode Preview

Next time, we shift our focus from community to purpose as we explore how our modern conveniences might be shrinking our world in unexpected ways. Join us as we examine what happens when tracking packages becomes more important than seeing the people right in front of us, and how finding our true purpose might require embracing the enormity of the world around us.

Until next time, may you be inspired to seek the better in your life and in the lives of your neighbors. May you be entranced by the possibilities this could bring to our world. And may you contemplate deeply what it means to not just observe but to participate in creating the communities we all long for.

Subscribe to The Better on your favorite podcast platform and share this episode with someone who might be ready to stop kicking trees and start building real community.