The Fab Four are dealing with the fallout of baby Coop in the only way they know how, discussing it loudly in a bar. Jordan is regretting all of her life decisions, and Jeremy is wondering if he should have looked at the fine print before screwing that stranger to get pretty. The Beauty hits store shelves and people are losing their minds. Suddenly everyone is beautiful. We take a hard left and go on a random sad, side quest with a teen named Bella. And sadly there is not a vampire in sight. She’s out to get beautiful no matter what it takes. Cue the Bella, Where the hell have you been Loca? meme.

– Tiffany and Kelly

– Song credit – Scott Holmes – “Hotshot”

Hey guys, sorry it’s been a bit. We could say we had been kidnapped and trapped in a bunker like the fearsome foursome, but why lie? Life has been hitting us hard. So we are ready to dive back in and forget our problems and focus on the unrealistic ones of Jordan and Coop. Our favorite duo have been sequestered in a hideaway with Antonio and Jeremy by Dr. Diana who is here to drop a crap load of foreshadowing and chew gum and she’s all out of gum. It all boils down to this – Coop needs to cocoon ASAP, but there’s still plenty of time for these two to have a night out on the town complete with romantic dinner and a hotel. Aren’t they fugitives?!?!? Make it make sense Mr. Murphy. Make it make sense. Also, we ask the important question of what Evan Peters role is your peak version of him?

– Tiffany and Kelly

– Song credit – Scott Holmes – “Hotshot”

On this week’s episode of Who Wants to Be A Goth Billionaire, we’re catching up on the awkward road trip double date that is Jeremy, the Assassin, Coop, and Jordan as they ride in the back of a paneled truck to a vomitorium. We finally get to meet Fanny/Franny? and Byron’s sons Gunther and Tiger AKA the creators of the new streaming service “Abroha,” where all the rich D-bags go for their speedboat and cigar content. (Pause to read the AI poster. It is fantastic.) There are new characters introduced; it feels pretty late in the game for that, but it’s Anthony Rapp so we’ll allow it. Finally, there is a delightful commercial for The Beauty that kind of makes us want to risk the exploding bodies and calcified butt cheeks just to give it a try.

– Tiffany and Kelly

– Song credit – Scott Holmes – “Hotshot”