The Fab Four are dealing with the fallout of baby Coop in the only way they know how, discussing it loudly in a bar. Jordan is regretting all of her life decisions, and Jeremy is wondering if he should have looked at the fine print before screwing that stranger to get pretty. The Beauty hits store shelves and people are losing their minds. Suddenly everyone is beautiful. We take a hard left and go on a random sad, side quest with a teen named Bella. And sadly there is not a vampire in sight. She’s out to get beautiful no matter what it takes. Cue the Bella, Where the hell have you been Loca? meme.

– Tiffany and Kelly

– Song credit – Scott Holmes – “Hotshot”

Hey guys, sorry it’s been a bit. We could say we had been kidnapped and trapped in a bunker like the fearsome foursome, but why lie? Life has been hitting us hard. So we are ready to dive back in and forget our problems and focus on the unrealistic ones of Jordan and Coop. Our favorite duo have been sequestered in a hideaway with Antonio and Jeremy by Dr. Diana who is here to drop a crap load of foreshadowing and chew gum and she’s all out of gum. It all boils down to this – Coop needs to cocoon ASAP, but there’s still plenty of time for these two to have a night out on the town complete with romantic dinner and a hotel. Aren’t they fugitives?!?!? Make it make sense Mr. Murphy. Make it make sense. Also, we ask the important question of what Evan Peters role is your peak version of him?

– Tiffany and Kelly

– Song credit – Scott Holmes – “Hotshot”

On this week’s episode of Who Wants to Be A Goth Billionaire, we’re catching up on the awkward road trip double date that is Jeremy, the Assassin, Coop, and Jordan as they ride in the back of a paneled truck to a vomitorium. We finally get to meet Fanny/Franny? and Byron’s sons Gunther and Tiger AKA the creators of the new streaming service “Abroha,” where all the rich D-bags go for their speedboat and cigar content. (Pause to read the AI poster. It is fantastic.) There are new characters introduced; it feels pretty late in the game for that, but it’s Anthony Rapp so we’ll allow it. Finally, there is a delightful commercial for The Beauty that kind of makes us want to risk the exploding bodies and calcified butt cheeks just to give it a try.

– Tiffany and Kelly

– Song credit – Scott Holmes – “Hotshot”

Ugh, just when you thought you were safe, Jordan and Coop are back and being obnoxious as usual. Why isn’t he in a cocoon already? When is she going to blow up? Seriously, we are over it. We get another back story because we apparently haven’t had enough. This time it’s the back story of Jordan and Coop’s boss. That’s right, even the minor characters get a flashback. They are faced with a tough decision when Byron comes to visit flashing his wad of cash and his jacket made out of an emergency blanket. We also get the assassin’s backstory, because apparently someone asked for that, too. For an episode called beautiful living rooms, there isn’t a Live, Laugh, Love sign in sight….weird.

– Tiffany and Kelly

– Song credit – Scott Holmes – “Hotshot”

Following the most awkward plane ride in history, Dr. Ray quickly realizes that the clock is ticking for Byron – and for himself. He has 855 days to perfect the formula or he’ll be getting more than just a pink slip. Franny’s hate for Byron continues to burn hot, no matter how many billions, or nipples, he has. We get a sneak peek at the inner workings of the lab, two more Beauty origin stories, and, unfortunately, more chimpanzee trauma in the process. Does this episode have rizz? You’ll have to listen and find out.

– Tiffany and Kelly

– Song credit – Scott Holmes – “Hotshot”

This episode hit all our man crush buttons. Emo Evan Peters in love with a woman that clearly doesn’t want him? Kelly is intrigued. Cantankerous, sarcastic Vincent Dinofrio being a dick to everyone? Tiffany is all in. We get Byron’s back story and where The Beauty began. Spoiler, it was not pretty. The assassin and Jeremy are hitting the clubs and the shoulder pads are sharp enough to put an eye out. Coop is finally reunited with Irina, oops we mean new Jordan, and they decide to do the most logical thing one would do when trying to avoid attention. They head to a very busy bar to discuss everything loudly. You won’t want to miss an awkward word of it.

– Tiffany and Kelly

– Song credit – Scott Holmes – “Hotshot”

Get ready to cover your eyes and prepare yourself for all trigger warnings. This one is called Beautiful Chimp Face and sadly there is not a Tonya or Tonka in sight. Instead, we’ve got a really sweaty and kind of mean Ben Platt. All we are saying is, Aaron Tviet would never IYKYK. The assassin is giving Jeremy the Pretty Woman treatment complete with shopping montage, tight pants and huge shoulder pads. Big Mistake! Huge! Byron is being a money hungry jerk and Coop’s cat died, which kind of makes him hotter? Come here sad emo boy and let us dry your tears.

– Tiffany and Kelly

– Song credit – Scott Holmes – “Hotshot”

“Flailing, she threw me away…” that could be the theme song of this episode and Meghan Trainor could sing it. The virus is still on the move, Ashton Kutcher is getting a blowie on a boat, and Coop is locked up in a truly gorgeous Italian jail. Sign us up to be interrogated next. Meanwhile, the assassin and Jeremy are embarking on a road trip from hell while plastic surgeon Jon Jon is chopping up bodies like his life depends on it, which it kind of does. Jordan is MIA, probably off feeling her new butt somewhere and it’s not looking great for Ben Platt. It’s truly “All About That Face, Bout That Face, no sniffles”

– Tiffany and Kelly

– Song credit – Scott Holmes – “Hotshot”