Evan and Melissa launch a new book club format, digging into the first three chapters of Amir Levine's Secure, the follow-up to Attached.

In this episode:

• Taking the attachment quadrants on themselves — and why scoring "secure" doesn't always match how it feels in the moment
• Running their own friendships through Levine's CARP framework (consistency, availability, responsiveness, reliability, predictability)
• SIMIs — the small, seemingly insignificant interactions that quietly shape the nervous system
• The Cyberball exclusion study, and what it reveals about co-parenting after divorce
• A boundary Melissa's built in her own recovery: understanding someone's backstory is their work to do, not a tool for explaining away their impact on you

Chapter markers:

00:00 Introduction to attachment styles and the book 'Secure'
05:34 Building secure attachment
08:32 Friendship and everyday connection
22:13 Exclusion, divorce, and co-parenting
36:09 Accountability and recovery

Are you in NC and interested in scheduling a session with Evan or Melissa? Visit www.millercounseling.net to book your free consultation.

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Virginia Gilbert has spent over two decades working with people in high-conflict divorces — she started this specialty after going through one herself and getting nothing but platitudes from therapists who didn't understand what she was dealing with.

In this episode, Evan and Virginia get into:

• Why family court isn't built to solve real parenting disputes — and often makes conflict worse
• How social media turned every ex into a "narcissist" or a "borderline"
• The difference between wanting to be understood and wanting someone to agree with you
• Why conflict itself isn't the problem in a relationship — it's how you fight
• Family estrangement and emotional cutoff, and what actually happens after "no contact"
• Running skills-based divorce support groups, and why men show up differently in group than the stereotypes suggest

If you've ever wanted to hand someone a diagnosis instead of doing the actual work, this one's for you.

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We started with accountant rage. We ended at grief, the body, and a grandmother who was home.

Melissa walks Evan through his first focusing session using the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model — Gene Gendlin's somatic framework for making meaning of what your body is already trying to tell you. What starts as frustration about cash flow lands somewhere much deeper. Then the conversation shifts to where the field is falling short — and the clients paying for it.

In this episode:

• The Felt Sense Polyvagal Model and focusing — live, unscripted
• Countertransference and when the therapist's stuff shows up
• Sex offender treatment, TikTok moral panic, and clinical nuance
• A woman fired from a jail job for having a nervous system
• Dunning-Kruger in the therapy field — and why it matters
• Why licensure and aptitude are not the same thing

Two licensed therapists. Unfiltered. No coaches. No pop psychology. No wellness rebrands. New episodes bi-weekly.

Therapy practice links

Evan Miller, LCAS, LCMHC

www.millercounseling.net

Melissa Martin, LCMHC

https://www.emdrtherapyworks.com

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Support the show

Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at contactus@tellmeaboutyourmother.run