Freiburg beat Schalke 2-1 and, because football is a cruel and petty sport, that result alone was enough to put them above Borussia Dortmund at the top of the Bundesliga — not because Dortmund lost, but because Dortmund drew and Freiburg's goal difference is better. Dortmund are still unbeaten. They're just unbeaten in second place now. We explain how that works, slowly, for anyone who thought "top of the table" meant something stable.

Bayern Munich somehow conceded a goal before most of their fans had sat down — Augsburg's Robin Fellhauer scored in under nine seconds from kickoff, reportedly the fastest goal in Bundesliga history, by exploiting a Manuel Neuer pass that should've been a formality. Bayern needed two Harry Kane assists just to draw 2-2. Jamal Musiala missed it with a knock from international duty, Saibari filled in fine, and that's the last we're saying about that.

RB Leipzig put six goals past Eintracht Frankfurt, with Christopher Nkunku scoring a hat-trick, because apparently all that squad needed was Frankfurt standing in front of them. Elsewhere: Bayer Leverkusen won an actual shootout at Mainz (4-3, Diaby's 50th league goal), Hoffenheim and Hamburg played out a genuinely unhinged 2-3 with a red card and two VAR-disallowed goals, 1. FC Köln beat Borussia Mönchengladbach to keep them rooted at the bottom with zero points from five games, Union Berlin finally won a match, and Stuttgart did the professional, boring thing at Paderborn.

In the second division, Hertha BSC won their seventh straight game and are still — still — unbeaten, and 1. FC Nürnberg played out an eight-goal fever dream against Wolfsburg that somehow ended 4-4.

And because you can't just skip two weeks of your own podcast, we close with a brief, unsentimental look at Jürgen Klopp's first two games in charge of Germany — a draw, then a home defeat to Greece — before we get back to normal service.

Harry Kane became the fastest player in Bundesliga history to a century of league goals, and did it inside a 7-0 demolition of Union Berlin that also featured Michael Olise's first career hat-trick. That alone would headline most weeks. Instead it has to share the podium with Borussia Dortmund, who ground out a 1-0 win at Stuttgart to stay perfect through four games and go top of the table, and with SC Freiburg, whose three-game winning start finally ended in a wild 2-2 at Frankfurt. Elsewhere: Werder Bremen came back from 2-0 down to beat Augsburg with a stoppage-time winner, Borussia Mönchengladbach fired their head coach and then lost 4-3 in a seven-goal circus against Mainz, Hamburg won a league match for the first time this season, and Bayer Leverkusen beat RB Leipzig to continue building some real form. In Europe, Leverkusen won their Europa League opener while Hoffenheim lost theirs. And Jürgen Klopp named his first Germany squad — all 44 players of it — leaving out Maximilian Beier, who responded the very next day by scoring the winner for Dortmund. Down in 2. Bundesliga, Hertha Berlin are six games into a perfect season, with 1. FC Nürnberg two points back in second.

SC Freiburg are top of the Bundesliga after three matchdays. Say that sentence out loud a few times, because it doesn't get less strange. A 5-0 demolition of ten-man Gladbach puts them there on goal difference over an equally perfect Dortmund, who needed goals from Fabio Silva and a Felix Nmecha brace to see off Paderborn. Bayern Munich, meanwhile, had to go to a town of 13,000 people and grind out a 2-1 win over newly-promoted SV Elversberg, who very nearly repeated their opening-day miracle against Leverkusen — and who gave Bayern a real fright before Harry Kane's 72nd-minute winner settled it. Elsewhere: RB Leipzig went from a historic 4-1 Champions League beating at Como to putting five goals past a hapless Hamburg side that still hasn't scored a league goal this season. Schalke picked up their first win with a dramatic 3-1 away at Union Berlin. Augsburg and Leverkusen played out a VAR-heavy 2-2. Frankfurt beat rivals Mainz to hand Adi Hütter his first win back in the job. And down in 2. Bundesliga, Hertha Berlin have won all five of their games and sit top of the table, with 1. FC Nürnberg right behind them on a nearly-as-good run of their own.