Freiburg beat Schalke 2-1 and, because football is a cruel and petty sport, that result alone was enough to put them above Borussia Dortmund at the top of the Bundesliga — not because Dortmund lost, but because Dortmund drew and Freiburg's goal difference is better. Dortmund are still unbeaten. They're just unbeaten in second place now. We explain how that works, slowly, for anyone who thought "top of the table" meant something stable.

Bayern Munich somehow conceded a goal before most of their fans had sat down — Augsburg's Robin Fellhauer scored in under nine seconds from kickoff, reportedly the fastest goal in Bundesliga history, by exploiting a Manuel Neuer pass that should've been a formality. Bayern needed two Harry Kane assists just to draw 2-2. Jamal Musiala missed it with a knock from international duty, Saibari filled in fine, and that's the last we're saying about that.

RB Leipzig put six goals past Eintracht Frankfurt, with Christopher Nkunku scoring a hat-trick, because apparently all that squad needed was Frankfurt standing in front of them. Elsewhere: Bayer Leverkusen won an actual shootout at Mainz (4-3, Diaby's 50th league goal), Hoffenheim and Hamburg played out a genuinely unhinged 2-3 with a red card and two VAR-disallowed goals, 1. FC Köln beat Borussia Mönchengladbach to keep them rooted at the bottom with zero points from five games, Union Berlin finally won a match, and Stuttgart did the professional, boring thing at Paderborn.

In the second division, Hertha BSC won their seventh straight game and are still — still — unbeaten, and 1. FC Nürnberg played out an eight-goal fever dream against Wolfsburg that somehow ended 4-4.

And because you can't just skip two weeks of your own podcast, we close with a brief, unsentimental look at Jürgen Klopp's first two games in charge of Germany — a draw, then a home defeat to Greece — before we get back to normal service.