the more I straighten my spine, speak a mantra, and resurrect,

the more I die , dissolution of the elements, dissolving

of concrete reality, priests and priestesses of my body, angels of mercy. I raise the light through my tissues, cultivate the staying awake

and just sitting, even though I squirm and sway and the rash inflames, my buffalo and reindeer angels, kindly snuffle me here.

Letting the heart and belly be soft, Ultimate practice of reverence

for self and no self. There is a death in each atomic configuration,

in each alchemical center. Beloved, press close, so close.

it is the speed that kills, speed of movement and thought

even speed of mantra. speed that comes from fear and aggression,

the left thumb is swollen from gripping too tightly the glass jar.

If the masculine receives too much tenderness,

he may feel smothered, as if by the mother

come to my table, come drink at my well, although you think

you have another plan for your hunger, search deeply into your heart, into your soul, and you will find the invitation from me

that you have long waited for

I allow my Great Desire for liberation to blossom,

I embody the Divine mother's capacity to feel emotion

without judgment, I live fully in this world, courageously naked

He opened again and did not follow through,

he opened and revealed, denied parts of it, cut and run,

shakti awakened with no consummation smoke and mirrors,

he is in control, he is the master. I bow to him,

my system gets frantic when it starts to feel him

slipping away again, I just want to be close to him.

smoke and mirrors, Mirror-Like Wisdom, Vajra family,

I see through a glass darkly, I see through a glass clearly

only love, which has no meaning, only sound.

I see reflected in him my deepest polarizations

and the brilliance of 1000 candles

floating down the Ganges

Mother-Father Creator God, give us what we need this day

in nourishment and wisdom for each next step

of this human life,

with what is ours to do within the sacred circle,

earth beneath our feet and earth elements within the body animated by your Love, by my Love.

Help me with the death fields that want to move upon me

and separate me from you. help me reclaim the peacefulness

I felt before I saw that which had been taken from me.

When I nurture myself as the loved one, lovable and loving,

then my loved ones gather close around me.

If I indulge separation, I feel desolate,

looking around with these eyes I am all alone

Do the dakini tantras and then do nothing,

Sahaja, spontaneous wisdom

Cultivate bliss and sexual energy to balance feminine intuition

and masculine intellect in the union of polarities

We have the same wound. the wanting to put a piece of chocolate

in the mouth because of anxiety, emotion or a desire frustrated,

the wanting to have sex . It is the same oral impulse.

Patience, patience, the healing progresses,

we foster intentional nourishment in the anguish of core wounds,

not being seen or acknowledged and at once being violated,

the impulse to be invisible is strong.

The master came to me in the cave, while sitting in meditation.

We vibrated together, swam in the ocean of love

and torrents of karma, shame, fear and conflicted emotion

poured out of me, and off me, like a monsoon rain.

If there is no self, then where does the wanting come from,

the motivation for anything, the prayer for more life?

There may be no self on the level of the Absolute, but way in deep,

so close to the no thing of God, there is an oversoul,

the fractal which manifests down along the chain of density from

the very subtle finally into the human self, which must be considered

and navigated through, it’s profound captaincy on the relative level.

Dried brown pointed leaf, poked me through an opening

in the sandal of my left foot, as I danced upon the body of the Mother in the fading evening light, stay awake! Eight offering goddesses,

all dancing beautifully, we offer to the protectors

to send back the negative energies, to keep the way open

for sustenance and wisdom and fruition of deepest desires.

Matcha latte, it is so emerald green, like the swift savioress,

like the tablets of Thoth the Atlantean, like drinking fresh spring grasses foamy with your milk,

like the foam on the sand as the waves reach up, shake vigorously and then let go,

leaving their ghosts behind

Things are only forbidden when we try to take without asking,

so we humbly bow and request to turn the wheel,

we travel into the heart and make offerings, freely and generously

There is the experience of fever, terrible pain in the face,

teeth and eyes, the crucifixion, and then there is the terrible fear

of being incapacitated, no ability in this moment to engage

with the outside world, people, places or things.

Angels of Mercy.

everything is either a preparation for the union or the union itself.

now just walking. Every moment is an initiatory portal

I shake when I pick up the texts, I shake with my love, my devotion.

I can’t believe that I have the text right here. I received it

in the proper way. I can see how the teachings were stolen in the past, taken without being given. there is fear, guilt and shame, Some misuse. Somehow he and I participated together. Secret teachings gone awry. confessing and atoning, that is complete. now I walk in the light of day with my love of the teachings and my love of him.

I request the blessing to turn the wheel of dharma

my pure intention for this, for the union with him

the fire of the dakini in the belly melts the concrete view of reality

in the head, and the lotus of compassion grows

in the lake of emptiness that results

every dakini is an electron, orbiting around

the central nucleus of true essence, inchoate Plenitude,

every Buddha has four dakinis, or 10,000, implacable peacefulness, generous guru.

I am guru, I am dakini , the yidam, secret lover,

the one who loves, the one who is beloved, the truest love story

Coming into alignment is an automatic detoxification, purification,

a kind of clash, as the darkness emerges and meets the light,

it comes out swinging and spitting, hitting and grabbing.

More learning, letting it arise without taking over.

Peace, be still, and know that I am God.

I am the ladder of Jewels for the Buddha’s descent from heaven,

I am the Buddha descending on the ladder down to earth

to offer compassion and the teachings, I am the beings

in each of the six realms of Samsara, who immediately

apprehend each other and are deeply stirred to awaken

I am receptive to a full spectrum of light. I am cross pollinated

by many wisdom teachings disseminated by the wise ones

who come and go like the wind, I honor all perspectives.

I appreciate all the various names that the one God-goddess

has acquired through time and human cultures

I am remembering the golden spine inside of its bony housing.

I always reside in the temple of my body. I make offerings of myself.

I made these offerings to him when he came to me here.