A conversation with my friend and mentor, barbara findlay (she/her). For nearly five decades, barbara's worked tirelessly for LGBT rights in Canada. The episode was recorded in February 2025.

Our discussion ranged from the modern world we find ourselves in and how we got here to the homegrown transphobia right here in Canada, to galvanizing and taking action. barbara died on August 22, 2026 - this episode includes a closing tribute.

Timestamps

• 00:00 Cold open
• 00:58 Introduction and the political moment
• 02:32 Climate dread, fear, and the rise of right-wing populism
• 05:59 Trans rights in Canada
• 10:16 Saskatchewan's Bill 137 and the notwithstanding clause
• 13:28 The "people not like us" sentiment, and why Lawyers Against Transphobia operates with joy rather than righteousness
• 17:39 barbara's path from feminism to anti-racism work and finding agency
• 19:54 What listeners can do - locating yourself in systems of power
• 23:59 Building community
• 27:09 Tribute

Taking Action

https://www.repeal137.ca/action to send an email to your MLA insisting on repeal of Bill 137.

Transphobic Legal Actions in Canada

• https://egale.ca/egale-in-action/alberta-bill9-nov18/
• https://egale.ca/egale-in-action/sask-appeal-aug11/

Remembering barbara

• https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/barbara-findlay-lawyer-lgbtqia-advocate-mourned-9.7317710
• https://nationalmagazine.ca/en-ca/articles/people/2026/a-transformative-force-in-the-legal-profession
• https://egale.ca/egale-in-action/barbara-findlay-aug-24/
• https://xtramagazine.com/video/barbara-findlay-lawyer-obituary-284076

Sex Ed Before Bed Host Bex (she/her) is in the hotseat for the first time ever, interviewed by her sister Izzy (she/her) on another taboo topic: friendship breakups.

Timestamps

• 0:00 Cold open
• 3:30 Coming out late, building a queer community
• 9:42 Pursing love with a friend
• 12:00 Girlfriend breakup, crew breakup
• 15:44 The stories we tell ourselves and friendship ideals
• 18:10 Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) and cognitive distortions
• 24:53 Transmuting pain into art
• 30:00 Accepting what is
• 33:00 Closing

Topics we discuss:

• Coming out and building community
• Role that queer families play for newly out folks
• Romantic relationships within a friend group
• Friend group ruptures in the wake of breakups
• Role of compounding factors in coping with loss
• The role of rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) in grappling with loss
• Accepting the loss and moving forward

Books

• The Other Significant Others by Rhaina Cohen
• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson
• Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen or End Any Relationship by KC Davis

Tools

• Thought Record exercise to combat distorted thinking

Research

• The Lesbian's Experience of Friendship by Jeanne Stanley pgs. 43-44
• Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria definitions from ADDitude and the Cleveland Clinic
• The lived experience of rejection sensitivity in ADHD - A qualitative exploration PLoS One - Published January 2026

Theme song: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0.

In this episode, Bex (she/her) is joined by Aislin (she/her) and Stella (she/they) to discuss what queer community means, how to find and build inclusive spaces, and the challenges of representation in the arts and athletics. They share personal stories, insights, and shoutouts to local queer organizations making a difference.

• 00:00 - Introduction
• 04:30 - Defining Queer Community
• 12:15 - Toronto’s Queer Community & Inclusivity
• 21:00 - Queer Identity & Representation
• 29:40 - The Importance of Organizing
• 39:50 - Challenges in Queer Spaces
• 48:30 - The Role of Art & Performance in Queer Culture
• 56:10 - Lifting up the Queer Community in Real-time
• 1:04:15 - Community Shoutouts

• Bex @sexedbeforebed
• Aislin @queerrunclub & @architectaislin
• Queer Run Club - Weekly Saturday runs & coffee meetups


• Queer Jock Night
• Queer Mingle Events 
- Black and Indigenous-run meetups for the lesbian, non-binary, trans and queer community

Theme song: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0.

1 in 5 university-enrolled women will experience attempted or completed rape. Rape is one of the most underreported crimes - 10% are reported.

A world without rape. A world where sexual violence is rare. This is the goal of Sara's work on Flip the Script, a new Canadian sexual assault prevention program for young cis and trans women to assess, acknowledge and act. This episode is a must-listen for every parent and every young woman.

We talked about how the program works and the positive impact it has had so far. We talked about how young women want to have these conversations about setting boundaries, understanding coercion and pondering what pleasure looks like for them.

We also talked about radical self-love and for women, trusting our gut!

Resources

• Globe and Mail Article
• Draw The Line
• Loveisrespect.org
• Sexual Assault Centres Near You

Sara's Work

• Insta @girls.resist
• Twitter @girls_resist
• About Flip the Script
• Sexual Assault Resistance Education (SARE) Centre

Theme song: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0.

With great attraction comes great sex, forever, right? Not so much.

Dr. Jessica Maxwell studies relationships and sex for a living. With Canadian roots, she's now an assistant professor at the University of Auckland. I learned things from her that I started applying to my own life as soon as the conversation ended.

Topics of discussion

• Sexual fixed mindset vs. growth mindset
• What factors play into long-term relationship satisfaction?
• How often are people having sex?
• Who else is thinking about how often people are having sex?
• A neat quiz to tell your partner what you want in bed (or out of it)
• The Orgasm Gap
• What's the best way to meet someone we're compatible with?
• How scientific are dating apps?
• Double standards & myths

Fun Stuff

Sex preferences quiz | Mojo Upgrade

List of researchers Jessica mentioned along with media coverage of their work:

• Terri Fisher | LA Times | Who lies more about sex, men or women?
• Sam Joel | The Cut | It's All Too Easy to Ignore Relationship Dealbreakers
• Amy Muise | Science Daily | Couples who have sex weekly are happiest
• Lindsey Hick | Global News | Are you lying to yourself about how much sex you need in your relationship?

Theme song: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0.

In 2019, I traveled to South Africa and Namibia. While visiting Cape Town, I went on a Township Tour with Lele Mbinda and visited his hometown of Langa just outside Cape Town. Lele opened my eyes to not only how people live day to day in Langa, but also how sex is viewed by adults and youth. Heads up that this episode includes a discussion about rape.

We talked about the following topics as they pertain to Langa Township:

• the intersection of poverty, class, race, intergenerational differences and culture in how residents talk or rather, do not talk about sex
• the many obstacles to speaking openly about sex and asking questions
• dating for young people
• the impact of menstruation on young women
• lack of awareness regarding harassment and rape
• suggestions for how to move forward and create more open dialogue
• local perspectives on LGBTQ folk
• STEM programming for youth
• The iThuba Project

Learn More

Episode Sources

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Langa,_Cape_Town

https://www.westerncape.gov.za/general-publication/teenage-pregnancy

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-45889366

https://hivhealthclearinghouse.unesco.org/library/documents/sexuality-education-south-africa-three-essential-questions

Theme music: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0.

Jessica Ruano is the director of The Ghomeshi Effect, a dance-theatre performance about sexual violence and the legal system in Canada.

This interview stayed with me long after I stopped recording. With the proliferation of #metoo narratives in the media, this conversation is a much-needed dissection of sexual violence from several vantage points. Jessica doesn't give quick and easy answers, instead, she approaches this murky issue meticulously, using stories and research to punctuate her points.

Together, we grappled with these questions and more:

• What kinds of people commit sexual violence?
• Are there good people and bad people?
• Is it possible to reconcile our perception of a "good" person with something horrible they've done?
• Is it possible for someone who has raped someone else to atone for it and/or be forgiven?
• How much do we want to exclude people who have committed such acts and with what goal in mind?
• Can or should a guilty person be brought back into a community?
• Does ostracizing the guilty help the problem?
• How common are false rape accusations, really?
• How can art heal survivors?

Links

The Ghomeshi Effect

Hannah Gadsby's Nanette Trailer

Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women

Theme music: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0. Edited for time and volume.

A fascinating discussion with Rick Goodwin. Rick is at the forefront of Canadian programming for men who have experienced sexual and/or physical childhood abuse. The statistics and the impact are alarming to say the least. Rick relays two decades of experience in a concise way and we still found time to talk about #metoo, Netflix, the US military and more.

Timestamps

• 0:34 Intro — Rick Goodwin & Men in Healing
• 3:13 How the Men's Project ended and why male survivors feel invisible
• 4:03 The scale of the problem: 1 in 6 boys, 3 million men across Canada
• 6:26 Why men wait 35 years on average before seeking help
• 8:02 Trauma's downstream cost: addiction, incarceration, social harm
• 9:02 Trauma and the criminal justice system
• 11:57 Shame, grandiosity, and Western masculinity
• 16:23 How Me Too has affected male clients
• 19:49 The Three Steps of Emotional Integrity
• 28:07 On forgiveness

Topics

• When men experience trauma, how long do they tend to keep it secret?
• What is emotional integrity and why are more men interested in it now?
• How is #metoo impacting male survivors of sexual violence?
• How do ideas about Western masculinity foster a sense of shame for men?
• How does trauma impact the lives of men and the people around them and what can survivors do to start healing?

Links

Men and Healing

1in6

The Bristlecone Project

Theme music: "Rise and Shine" by Audiobinger, sourced from the Free Music Archive. Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0. Edited for time and volume.