On this episode of Sex Advice for Seniors, I had the absolute pleasure of chatting with the brilliant Avivah Wittenberg-Cox, author of Late Love: Mating in Maturity. We dove into everything from relationships after 50, to why women are leading the "gray divorce" trend, to the surprising ways men and women experience this stage of life differently.

This stage of life—what Avivah calls Q3—isn’t about decline. It’s about reinvention, exploration, and finally putting yourself first. Whether you’re single, married, or somewhere in between, it’s about finding what works for you.

And for those of you who feel like the dating pool at this age is too small, just remember: It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality. There are good ones out there—you just have to know what you want and go for it.

If you’re curious about how to navigate love, sex, and relationships in later life, this episode is a must-listen. Avivah and I covered so much ground, and I promise you’ll walk away feeling inspired (and maybe even ready to shake things up in your own life).

You can buy Avivah’s book: Late Love: Mating in Maturity here.

Avivah’s website is here.

Thanks for listening, and let me know what you think!

00:00 Introduction to Late Love

02:54 The Journey of Finding Love in Later Life

05:37 The Impact of Divorce on Women

08:30 Redefining Relationships in Midlife

11:34 Sex and Relationships in Later Life

14:09 The Quest for Happiness and Self-Discovery

16:56 Gender Dynamics in Ageing

20:00 Challenges in Finding Love

23:04 The Role of Confidence in New Relationships

25:46 Navigating the Dating Landscape

28:39 The Importance of Self-Love

31:28 The Gendered Experience of Leaving Relationships

34:25 Conclusion: Embracing New Possibilities

Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex

f you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my new 32 page booklet, Sex Toys & Supplements for Thriving in Later Life, my private chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber! Your sex life will thank you for it. :)

Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £6.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.

Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.

What others are saying:

"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."

“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think

I’ve known Sam Evans, owner of sexual pleasure shop JoDivine.com for nearly 20 years, back to when she first launched her shop with her husband, and gifted me a toy to try out and review on my first blog, suzanneportnoy.com.

Since then, Sam has become a popular spokesperson on social media, advocating for women’s sexual health, especially during one’s menopausal years. As a former nurse, she has more knowledge than many others in the sex toy industry, and as a result, she receives hundreds of enquiries from women who are confused or received poor information when struggling with menopausal conditions such as vaginal atrophy, recurrent UTIs, low libido. In response, she has written numerous articles related to women’s and men’s sexual health, which you can read on the JoDivine website.

I was keen to catch up with Sam to dive into the often-overlooked topics of menopause, sexual health, and the importance of quality sexual wellness products. We discussed the challenges faced by menopausal women, the significance of vaginal estrogen, and the latest innovations in sex toys.

Our conversation emphasised the need for awareness regarding product ingredients and the importance of community education in navigating sexual health.

Sam is offering Sex Advice for Seniors subscribers a discount on any products in the store:

Your 10% discount code is SAS210 (£5 minimum spend on full priced products excluding P&P) ENDS 25/8/25

00:00 Introduction and Background

01:55 Menopause and Sexual Health

05:58 Vaginal Estrogen and Its Importance

09:56 Sex Toy Innovations and Trends

12:03 Navigating Sexual Health Products

19:58 The Importance of Ingredient Awareness

26:07 Community Engagement and Education

If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my new 32 page booklet, Sex Toys & Supplements for Thriving in Later Life, my private chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber! Your sex life will thank you for it. :)

Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £6.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.

Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex

Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.

What others are saying:

"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."

“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”

“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”

Imago Relationship Theory claims we all have a mental "dating app" in our subconscious where the algorithm is secretly set to "parental lookalike mode."

Essentially, we swipe right on people who remind us of our parents—because why not add a sprinkle of childhood trauma to the romance cocktail, right?

Shan Marchant is a couples therapist and relationship expert, who you might recognise from the BBC’s Point of View, or her writing for Metro.

She uses Imago Relationship Therapy, after witnessing its ability to repair and revive her own 13+ year relationship.

During our conversation we delve into why we often choose partners who resemble one or both of our parents as these familiar traits spark chemistry, but the twist is that we’re not just looking for love; we’re signing up for a self-improvement bootcamp. According to Harville Hendrix and his partner Helen, who invented Imago, relationships are less about happily-ever-after and more about healing those childhood wounds.

So, if your partner seems oddly familiar, congratulations—you’ve matched with your Imago! Time for the work to begin…

You can find Shan here: https://www.shanmerchant.com/

If you enjoy our conversation, let me know!

00:00 Introduction to Imago Therapy and Its Concepts

02:55 Navigating Power Struggles in Relationships

06:13 The Importance of Prioritising Your Partner

08:48 Recognising Relationship Patterns and Taking Action

11:56 Reigniting Desire and Intimacy Over Time

14:57 Understanding Infidelity and Its Implications

18:11 The Role of Couples Therapy in Modern Relationships

20:59 Building Emotional Intelligence in Relationships

23:56 The Journey of Self-Acceptance and Affection

26:57 Conclusion and Resources for Couples

If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my new 32 page booklet, Sex Toys & Supplements for Thriving in Later Life, my private chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber! Your sex life will thank you for it. :)

Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £6.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.

Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex

Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.

What others are saying:

"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."

“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”

“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”

Austin Cresap is therapist specialising in sex therapy and sex education in Seattle, Washington, and Hawaii.

In this conversation, she shared some fantastic ideas and practical tips for making intimacy easier, more playful and that takes the pressure out of who initiates sex. She talked about using a secret signal, like a coffee cup, to indicate interest in intimacy. Austin also introduced the "No, but…" approach, as a way of overcoming the challenge of mismatched libidos - a more thoughtful way to reject an act without rejecting your partner, keeping the connection intact.

For me, preparation is a big part of intimacy. Whether it’s putting on something that makes me feel attractive, doing my hair, or just mentally getting into the mood, it’s all part of the process. I also made the case for scheduling intimacy and we discussed why it’s not unromantic. As we discussed, we schedule everything else in life, so why not prioritise time for connection?

What really resonated with me was how creativity can transform intimacy. Whether it’s playful signals like the coffee cup, role-playing, or simply planning ahead, it’s all about keeping things fresh and fun. As Austin pointed out, these approaches help couples navigate busy lives and different arousal styles, making intimacy less about spontaneity and more about meaningful connection.

You can find Austin at:

http://www.icameheretotalktherapy.com

00:00 Introduction to Sex Advice for Seniors

01:54 Exploring Intimacy and Nonverbal Cues

12:20 Understanding Female Hormones and Sexuality

19:33 Cultural Perspectives on Aging and Sexuality

26:00 The Pressure of Performance in Sexual Relationships

30:10 Creative Approaches to Intimacy

If you enjoyed our conversation, let me know! I love to hear from my listeners (and it doesn’t happen often enough).

If you’ve found any of the tips on this or any of my shows helpful, a review on iTunes would go a very long way.

If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my new 32 page booklet, Sex Toys & Supplements for Thriving in Later Life, my private chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber! Your sex life will thank you for it. :)

Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.

Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £6.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.

Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.

What others are saying:

"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."

“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”

“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”

One of the perks of my job is having the opportunity to try out a multitude of sex toys, many of which made it into my booklet and the people behind their creation.

Suki Dunham is the co-founder of OhMiBod, one of my sponsors, and is a pioneer in a predominantly male industry. During our conversation, we talk about her early days as a sex tech entrepreneur, the challenges of marketing sexual health products and the future of sex toys, especially around the integration of AI.

I’m a great believer that sex toys are there to enhance sexual pleasure and aren’t in competition with penises and vaginas but rather a way to increase stimulation, especially at an age when both women and men may find it difficult to orgasm.

All the OhMiBod products are incredibly well made and safe, and there are even toys such as the LoveLife Rev that Suki has designed especially for people with arthritis who may find more traditional toys challenging to grip.

Suki is offering Sex Advice for Seniors followers: USE CODE SAFS20 for 20% off of Lovelifetoys.com.

If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my new 32 page booklet, Sex Toys & Supplements for Thriving in Later Life, my private chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber! Your sex life will thank you for it. :)

Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £6.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.

Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex

Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.

What others are saying:

"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."

“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”

“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”

Indigo Stray Conger has been a therapist since 2008 and has completed over a decade of therapeutic training. She is one of less than ten AASECT certified sex therapists at a supervisory level in the state of Colorado.

During our conversation, we delve into what somatic psychotherapy entails and also the role of EMDR in trauma healing, and the challenges of intimacy in relationships.

As we discuss, trauma can turn up in relationships in many forms can impact on both the psychological and physical barriers to intimacy, which can prevent singles and couples from fully exploring the many ways to experience sexual pleasure.

EMDR is a tool I have used myself to try and overcome phobias and also behaviours that don’t serve me well. If you’re unfamiliar with the technique, EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing is most commonly used to treat PTSD, but now is used to solve a range of issues.

It involves recalling the traumatic episode, or the particular fear, and then through specific eye movements and some other type of stimulation (talking, for example), the brain reprocesses the memory and reduces its significance in your mind. It may sound woo-woo, but it’s actually not and very quickly can help in situations where the traumatic episode is quite specific (at least, that was my own experience).

We also touch on the importance of consent, proper sex eduction and how sexual orientations such as asexuality and demisexuality are gaining recognition.

You can find Indigo here:https://milehighpsychotherapy.com/meet-the-therapists

If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my new 32 page booklet, Sex Toys & Supplements for Thriving in Later Life, my private chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber! Your sex life will thank you for it. :)

Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £6.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.

Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.

Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.

What others are saying:

"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."

“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”

“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”