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Dave and Amanda (the Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi of podcasting) encourage all of their listeners to buy guns and drink their own pee. They discuss losing your mystique to the internet, the Sobriety Refund Clause™ at weddings, J. Edgar Hoover vs. Herbert Hoover, the Spartans, Thomas Haden Church, and of course, The Knicks.

Dave gives Amanda some good advice on how to resist the urge to drink when the weather is nice and everyone is indulging.

Don't forget, folks! Miranda Hobbes is in the program.

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Amanda’s brain briefly tricks her into thinking she can do drugs again without anything bad happening. Dave recounts his magical night at the Pornhub Awards, and a "who wore it best?" scenario. Thanking our Higher Power for the Noah Wyle rehab storyline on ER, the mysterious benefits of celery, and the men keeping Shia LaBeouf sober.

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Dave has a HUGE announcement. Amanda has PTSD while drinking fake alcohol on a date. At large, the bottoms talk about porn addiction. They also touch on the culture-shifting scene from Girls when Marnie gets her ass eaten, but want to remind everyone that ultimately, unofficially, this is a podcast about Mad Men. Tune in if you want to hear the hosts name drop the adult film actors they want to meet.

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Amanda and Dave experiment with a virtual podcast studio, a sound board, and a non-alcoholic beverage. The Bottoms discuss how to talk to an addict, court-ordered rehab, the benefits of sobriety to your skin, mainlining Benadryl, and being passed out and covered in cheese.

Thank you for bearing with us as we figure out this format and sort through technical difficulties. Amanda would also like to apologize for all the farts.

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Dave forced Amanda to watch an episode of "Doctor Odyssey" and now they have to talk about it. The Bottoms emphatically renounce a certain "dream guest" and explore the portrayal of addiction, both shoddy and accurate, on various television series. Guess which host has a higher tolerance for being around drunk people, drinks Pepsi Max, and hates karaoke! Hey, is Bono sober?

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Dave and Amanda are joined by Ross aka Hudson Mohawke fka DJ Itchy, a sober Glaswegian angel who is widely known as a music producer, composer, and beat creator. They discuss the euphoria of escaping from your body, being you in front of a crowd without drugs, Xanax, amphetamines, AA at Coachella, relapse, eating disorders, the surprising benefits of being out from under active addiction, and chess.

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"Sorry, me!" Dave and Amanda continue to offer zero advice about sobriety. They discuss falling off the wagon for clicks, eating mummified organs, playing Russian Roulette with cocaine, worst DUI songs, doing shots with the Jonas Brothers, and the trouble with screen addiction.

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Dave and Amanda don't have advice about getting sober. They're both addicts who are somehow still alive, not drinking or using, and they want to talk about it candidly. We discuss our sober time, Russell Brand's asshole, a fake James Franco's huge bag of blow, and lame hobbies that replace drinking alcohol.

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