In this episode Melanie and Kevin discuss what real dialogue looks like in relationships. They unpack why many couples and families think they are communicating when they are actually talking past each other, and they offer practical ways to slow down, listen, and stay regulated. Melanie and Kevin focus on two main ideas: avoiding parallel monologue and practicing an I-thou approach to the other person. They also share concrete tools for hard conversations, including structured pauses, checking timing, and even taking notes when needed.

Episode Chapters

05:25 - Parallel monologue: two speakers, no real listener

08:13 - The role of listening as an active practice

17:19 - Family modeling and how communication patterns are learned

22:18 - Introducing the I-thou and I-it framework

26:30 - Dialogue as a skill for seeing another person’s perspective

34:03 - Suggested tools: pauses, notes, and curiosity

Recommended Resources

• Imago Dialogue
• Getting the Love you want (Harville Hendrix PhD. & Helen LaKelly Hunt PhD.)
• How to talk to anyone about anything: The Practice of Safe Conversations (Harville Hendrix PhD. & Helen LaKelly Hunt PhD.)
• I and Thou (Martin Buber)

Note: Books mentioned in this episode contain affiliate links to Bookshop.org. Purchases made through these links support the podcast and independent bookstores!

Learn more about us at www.restoretherapycollective.com

Follow us on Instagram: @restoretherapycollective

Connect with the Hosts

• Melanie Freeland - Website | Psychology Today
• Kevin Dykstra - Website | Psychology Today

Restoring Us is a space to slow down, take a breath, and explore topics related to mental health, therapy, and self-care. In each episode, therapists with Restore Therapy Collective in Grand Rapids, Michigan, explore ways to restore yourself and your relationships. Whether you're navigating a tough chapter, looking to understand how you function in the world, or just need a reminder that you're not alone - you are welcome here.

Please follow us here as well as on our Instagram @restoretherapycollective. You can find out more about our practice at www.restoretherapycollective.com.

Music Attribution: 2.22.2026 - 3 guitars, uplifting buildup by RhysTemple54 -- https://freesound.org/s/846011/ -- License: Creative Commons 0