This episode (#315) challenges the common illusion that visible recovery behaviors—meetings, therapy, sobriety streaks—automatically equal real change. Using a devastating listener submission as the catalyst, we explain why relapse after “recovery” often hurts partners more deeply than early betrayal: by that point, the addict knows the harm and still chooses it. We distinguish reactive recovery (driven by panic, fear, and consequences) from real recovery (driven by identity change, courage, and internal ownership), emphasizing that activity without transformation inevitably collapses.

We then walk through the core barriers that block lasting change. These include terror of life without addiction, denial of full impact, unresolved trauma and powerlessness, attachment to the emotional rewards addiction provides, fear of standing fully in the light through accountability, and the belief that recovery is undeserved. Each barrier keeps addicts circling recovery without fully entering it—checking boxes while protecting the very patterns that sustain addiction.

Ultimately, we argue that half-recovery is more dangerous than no recovery at all because it creates false safety and repeated devastation. Real change requires dismantling the lies addicts tell themselves about who they are, what they need, and what they deserve. True recovery is not about avoiding loss or appeasing a partner—it is about becoming someone fundamentally different. Until addicts are willing to face these internal blocks head-on, the cycle will continue. But when they do, real and lasting change becomes possible.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: No Bullsh*T—What's ACTUALLY Blocking an Addict's TRUE Change?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

As a new year begins, many addicts and betrayed partners feel both hope and heartbreak—hope that things can change, and heartbreak from remembering all the years they didn’t. In this episode, we explain why traditional New Year’s resolutions often fail: they are usually made from reactionary emotional states, lack realistic structure, and collapse when real life returns. Instead of empowering change, these resolutions frequently deepen shame, reinforce hopeless identity narratives, and push people further into addiction or emotional withdrawal.

In PBSE Episode 314, we examine several common traps that sabotage lasting growth, including “blood oaths” and grand promises, punitive self-punishment after setbacks, and goals that focus only on stopping behaviors rather than addressing the deeper emotional and relational roots driving them. We emphasize the importance of reparative accountability—learning from breakdowns instead of shaming ourselves—and the necessity of planning for obstacles rather than pretending they won’t happen. Sustainable change requires humility, preparation, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable patterns instead of avoiding them.

Finally, we focus on two critical but often overlooked drivers of change: identity and environment. We explain how internal self-talk and identity beliefs shape behavior, and why becoming a different person must come before doing different behaviors. We also highlight how environments—relationships, routines, technology, and thought patterns—either support or sabotage recovery. Real and lasting change in 2026 won’t come from another resolution; it will come from aligning identity, environment, and daily practices with the life we are trying to build.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: How to Attain REAL and LASTING Change in 2026!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

In episode #313, we address a hard but necessary truth: addicts cannot change what they refuse to see. Using two deeply moving submissions from betrayed partners, we illustrate how years of porn use, dishonesty, staggered disclosure, and fake recovery create devastating emotional, psychological, relational, and financial consequences. These stories highlight partners who are not “impatient” or “unforgiving,” but who are reaching the end of their capacity after living in chronically unsafe relationships shaped by manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abandonment.

We explore how addiction in committed relationships represents a fundamental breach of contract—one in which the addict continues to benefit from a partner’s love, loyalty, emotional labor, and sexual availability while secretly violating the very agreements that relationship was built upon. Drawing on clinical concepts such as Integrity Abuse and intentionally manipulated reality, we explain how chronic deception strips partners of informed consent, destabilizes their nervous systems, and forces them into hyper-vigilance, self-doubt, and long-term trauma. The damage extends beyond the relationship itself, often impairing a partner’s future capacity for trust, intimacy, and connection.

Finally, we issue a direct plea to addicts: face the devastation honestly and let it become the catalyst for real change. This is not about collapsing into shame, but about developing clarity, humility, and resolve. We emphasize that words, promises, and intentions are no longer enough—only consistent action, accountability, sacrifice, and transparency demonstrate true recovery. The episode closes with a sobering reminder from a listener who lost his marriage after decades of delay, underscoring the urgency of choosing change now, before the cost becomes irreversible.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: Face the Devastation You Have Heaped Upon Your Partner and then CHOOSE TO CHANGE!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services