Those belief systems you are holding... who chose them? Did you? That's not a trick question LOL! It's something I sit with often and it's a big part of our conversation in this episode. Most of what we hold as beliefs was absorbed and formed in the background as we moved through life. Some of our beliefs and patterns formed even before we had language for them!

Trevor and I dive into how belief systems form, why we hold onto them even when they're costing us, and what it actually takes to challenge them from the inside out. Trevor opens up about his own birth story and the belief that took shape in those first five days of his life... one that still shows up today. I share what came up for me after a "fuck it" weekend of camping, wine, pizza, and two helpings of ice cream (yes, twice). Neither of us have this figured out. That's kind of the point.

We get into confirmation bias, the strange relief of having someone else hold our negative beliefs for us, why the body remembers what the mind can't access, and the difference between consciously choosing what you believe versus just inheriting it. This conversation is packed with good stuff!

Trevor Wyllthawk is the creator of Nūma Breathwork and someone I had the privilege of learning from directly before we ever recorded this. He's spent 29 years in deep exploration through breathwork, somatics, shamanism, meditation, and ceremonial containers... including a seven-year initiation and 16-month hermitage that cracked him open to something essential beneath the stories we carry. Today he brings that wisdom into private therapy, transformational group work, and Nūma facilitator trainings, weaving together Hakomi, Somatic Experiencing, IFS, Chinese Medicine, and more.

You can connect with Trevor and Nūma via these links:

https://www.numabreathwork.com/

https://www.wyllthawk.com/

And instagram - https://www.instagram.com/numabreathwork/

As always, you can connect with my on my IG and website:

Insta - andrew.carruthers

Website - outofstep.life

[0:09] If you don't choose your belief systems, they choose you

[4:16] Check-in: one word each — mental, emotional, spiritual, physical

[5:44] Where do our belief systems actually come from?

[8:53] Trevor's birth story and a belief formed in five days

[14:32] Can a baby really absorb all of that? Trevor responds

[20:58] Conscious vs. unconscious belief formation

[25:55] The familiar voice and where it learned to talk like that

[29:44] The Nūma Breathwork story + challenging my own bias

[32:30] When Trevor had to tease apart the absolute and the relative

[37:26] Walking a path to its end — completion vs. disillusionment

[43:01] The cost of changing has to outweigh the cost of staying

[48:16] The takeover technique in Hakomi + why negative beliefs can feel like relief

[54:00] "How dare you tell me I'm loved" — when nurturing statements land wrong

[57:55] How do we slow down when everything is moving this fast?

[1:07:00] It doesn't have to go away — can you just be with it?

[1:14:47] Closing thoughts + why this work matters for those who serve others

What is enough? I mean for real... in a world of "always get better," what is ENOUGH? If that question makes you squirm a little, you're in good company, because I'm right there with you. This week my friend Virginia makes the case that we already have the compass within us... the one we've been outsourcing to self-proclaimed gurus and the loudest voices in our social feed.

I open with a story about an old friend named Leila Lee and a single question scrawled on a slip of paper that was handed to her at a party: "What is enough?" It has stuck with me for years and it frames so much of this episode.

My friend Virginia Terrill, founder of Ethically Inclined Wellness, brings such a refreshingly down-to-earth voice to a space that usually runs on hustle and an undercurrent of "you're not doing enough." After roughly twenty years in active addiction, then recovery, early motherhood, and divorce all at once, she started asking what she actually needed... and pausing to check in with herself before taking on anyone else's playbook.

We dig into the unconscious comparison of the endless scroll, the "done-for-you" speed that leaves us feeling behind, and that gut-punch belief that we're the problem. Virginia reframes wellness as what actually fits, not right or wrong... the same routine lands differently on two different people. I share my own history of handing my sovereignty over to mentors I looked up to and how they ended up being "shadow" mentors. Finally, we land on consistency: it looks different on different days, and adapting when life gets loud isn't quitting on yourself.

Here's who you're hanging out with this week. Virginia is the founder of Ethically Inclined Wellness and the creator of what she calls self-collaboration... a way into wellness that actually holds up in real life! Through storytelling, mentorship, and nervous-system-informed practices, she helps us learn to work with ourselves instead of against ourselves. She's trained in wellness coaching and behavior change, and she's just beginning her Master of Social Work.

Go say hello:

https://ethicallyinclinedwellness.com/

https://www.instagram.com/ethically.inclined.wellness

00:00 — What is enough? The question that frames the episode

03:05 — Meet Virginia + a four-part check-in

04:50 — What called her in: recovery, motherhood, divorce

09:46 — Sovereignty at an all-time low and the influencer machine

12:06 — Take what you need, leave the rest

16:20 — Ethically Inclined Wellness and "self-collaboration"

24:40 — "If you feel like you're the problem..."

30:12 — Skateboard magazines vs. the endless scroll

36:51 — The pendulum: grind culture vs. doing nothing

44:18 — My breathwork story + fit over right/wrong

51:52 — Failure is information + consistency looks different on different days

1:02:20 — The closing question: a message to young Virginia

I've been asking my guests at the end of every episode... "If you could speak to your younger self, what would you say?"

And then a few days ago, my wife asked me the same thing. And honestly... it went way deeper than I expected.

We ended up in this whole sci-fi rabbit hole. Like, Matrix and Total Recall style LOL.

What if you could literally reach in and carve out a belief system? Or upload a lifetime of wisdom in a single moment? No butterfly effect, no consequences... just, what would you actually do with that?

For me it went straight to my early 20s. Getting into the hair industry, becoming a bit of the cool kid... and feeding off it like crazy because underneath all of that I just didn't feel valuable without other people's approval. And I can look back now and see how much that shaped things. How much suffering came from it. How much I bent myself into shapes trying to get that acceptance.

So yeah. This episode goes there.

• Where I'd go if I could reach back... and what I'd pull out
• What external validation actually cost me, and how I can still trace it
• The difference between shame and guilt when you're looking back honestly
• Holding "it was all for a reason" and "I wish it went differently" at the same time
• Why the wisdom isn't in the wishing... and where it actually lives
• The question I'm leaving with you

Two seats left in the Wayfaring Method! Eight months of coach certification that actually gets into your body, not just your head. We launch in six days. outofstep.life/wayfaringmethod or find me on Instagram @andrew.carruthers

00:00 -- Reflecting on the Past: A Philosophical Inquiry 01:58 -- The Impact of Experiences on Personal Growth 05:32 -- The Quest for Self-Worth and External Validation 08:42 -- The Complexity of Change: Should We Alter Our Past?

09:37 -- Embracing Duality: Holding Multiple Truths

12:56 -- Exploring Possibilities: The Power of Reflection