Parenting a teenager with autism, ADHD, or an intellectual disability, or even one that is a bit snoody? I am certain you had moments that sounded like:

“What am I supposed to do right now with you right now!?”

“It is not that hard!!”

“What is wrong with you?!”

Let’s take a step back and reflect that maybe your teen is overwhelmed, burned out, and overly exhausted—but no matter what you do, it doesn’t seem to work.

If this is you… I want to start by saying this to yourself:

You’re not a failure as a parent.

You’re navigating a system that often isn’t designed for your child and a situation you were not prepared for.

In this episode, we’re going to break this down in a way that makes sense—what’s really going on with your teen, and more importantly, what may help.

Mental Health Awareness Month

Useful sites to learn more:

NAMI: https://www.nami.org/stay-connected/events/awareness-events/mental-health-awareness-month/

Imagine being a child who is constantly told to try harder, pay attention, or sit still—but no matter how hard you try, your brain seems to move in a completely different direction than everyone else’s. Teachers see distraction. Parents see unfinished homework. Peers sometimes see the “weird kid.” But what if what we’re really looking at isn’t a lack of effort… but a different wiring of the brain?

About 1 in 10 children in the United States between the ages of 3 and 17 are treated for ADHD. But ADHD rarely shows up alone. Research shows that nearly 80% of those children also experience another mental, behavioral, or developmental condition.

That might include anxiety, depression, oppositional defiant disorder, or intense emotional outbursts.

For parents, this can feel confusing.

Is it ADHD? Is it anxiety? Is my child just being defiant? Or is something deeper happening in their developing brain

Welcome back to NeuroCurious—where we explore the brain, behavior, and the human experience.

Today, I want to challenge a really common assumption:

When a child has an intellectual disability…Are behaviors just a part of the disability?

Or… are we missing something deeper?

Because for many families, what looks like defiance, aggression, or shutdown is actually something else entirely— something misunderstood, and often untreated.

Millions of children in the U.S. has an intellectual or developmental disabilities.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition (DSM-5), is what mental health professionals use to effectively diagnose clients.

Diagnostic criteria for intellectual disability include deficits in intellectual and adaptive functioning across the conceptual, social, and practical domains.

This can affect the individual’s judgment, abstract thinking, academic learning, and functioning at home, school, and in the community. It can be measured as mild, moderate, severe, or profound. Depending on the level of severity, some domains may be deficient, such as communication and basic activities of daily living, including dressing and eating.

However, many of them may also be navigating:

• ADHD
• Autism
• Anxiety
• Depression

So right away, we’re not dealing with a single diagnosis—they are dealing with multiple layers. Think of it like an onion (or a parfait if you are not a fan of onions) no matter, they have layers. The outside layer may appear as sad, but the next layer may be feeling lonely, and as we get deeper, it may be feeling isolated. The deeper the layer, the deeper the emotion that is felt. It can run very deep, especially if it is misunderstood.