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  • This is the Dive Bar of Podcasts | Ep 124

    This is the Dive Bar of Podcasts | Ep 124
    2026/09/23

    This week on Locked & Probably Loaded with DJ & Kelly, DJ has returned from Orlando with absolutely nothing left to give. He's recording from bed, the television has only barely been muted, and his social battery is officially dead.

    That doesn't stop us from covering the important news, beginning with the most perfectly constructed headline imaginable: 42 kilos of fentanyl and a small alligator were found in a Los Angeles luxury apartment. This somehow leads to DJ's SAG health-insurance frustrations, the possibility that anything we've ever said on this podcast could someday be entered into evidence, and preliminary plans to flee to Costa Rica should either of us ever need to evade the law.

    Things get more serious as we talk about public figures choosing whether to speak about Gaza, the distinction between governments and civilians, and why neither of us wants to become so overwhelmed by the state of the world that we stop caring about what happens to vulnerable people.

    And then, because this is apparently the only podcast we know how to make, Kelly changes the subject to a professional fitness competitor who shit her pants during a Hyrox race and kept using the equipment. DJ would like to formally object to being told this story.

    Finally, we get into Sydney Sweeney's latest campaign, the sexualization of female athletes, Shailene Woodley's baffling Emmys outfit and the fashion lesson everyone should take with them this week: if you need a cape to make your outfit make sense, change.

    CHAPTERS 00:00 – DJ Is Broadcasting From Bed 01:30 – Orlando Killed DJ's Social Battery 02:25 – DJ Just Wanted to Be Left Alone 02:45 – Meet Danny From Germany/North Carolina 06:00 – Moving to Orlando on a Whim 06:40 – Fentanyl Bust. Small Alligator Found. 08:07 – Please Be Patient, We'll Get to the Alligator 08:44 – DJ vs. SAG Health Insurance 11:28 – “I Hate Everything. Let's Talk About Drugs.” 11:35 – 42 Kilos of Fentanyl Is Quite a Lot 12:30 – DJ Would Definitely Not Flee the Country 13:04 – This Podcast Will Absolutely Be Used Against Us 13:52 – France Is Actually DJ's Bed 14:09 – Fine, We'll Flee to Costa Rica 14:32 – DJ Is Becoming Less Afraid of Dying 17:57 – The Ed Sheeran Update 19:30 – Speaking Up When You Have a Platform 26:34 – We Need to Change Subjects 27:02 – What the Hell Is Hyrox? 27:45 – CrossFit Is Just Watching People Exercise 28:15 – There's Always a Loophole 28:43 – “You Said This Wasn't Psychologically Damaging!” 30:34 – Kelly Tries to Be Classy 30:45 – This Is the Dive Bar of Podcasts 31:07 – What Is Sydney Sweeney's Team Doing? 33:20 – Pure Spite Is Not Inspiration 34:00 – Aaron Rodgers & Shailene Woodley 34:37 – The Balenciaga Problem 36:46 – “Shailene, We Gotta Go to the Emmys” 37:23 – If Your Outfit Needs a Cape, Change 37:46 – Join Us on Patreon 38:57 – Patreon Begins

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    39 分
  • I’ve Got Some Things I Don’t Love | Ep 123

    I’ve Got Some Things I Don’t Love | Ep 123
    2026/09/16

    This week on Locked & Probably Loaded with DJ & Kelly, we're off to an appropriately chaotic start: Kelly is bleeding, DJ's face is bright red from tretinoin, and we're discussing the strategic value of loudly talking about anal sex while sneaking an entire meal into a movie theater.

    Kelly has been watching videos from this year's Halloween Horror Nights and has concluded that the scariest part may actually be paying to stand in a three-hour line for a two-minute haunted house. Then her internet disappears mid-recording, so DJ gives everyone an impromptu tour of his antiquities collection.

    DJ is also preparing to travel with an astronaut costume—and has already learned the hard way that once the helmet is assembled, getting it home is another problem entirely. Last time, a gate agent's solution was simple: wear the astronaut helmet onto the plane.

    Then things get slightly more serious as we talk about the inability to admit when you're wrong, cancel culture, Pink's reaction to Macklemore, generational conflict and why humanity sometimes seems considerably closer to running toward the thunder than evolving past any of this.

    DJ & Kelly at the Movies returns with Buddy—a bizarre comedy-horror movie that both of us loved—and Onslaught, which worked considerably better when the theater was literally spraying us in the face. We also discover DJ's perfect podcasting outfit: shirt, underwear, socks and shoes.

    Finally, Kelly explains how a neighborhood walk nearly turned into a true-crime documentary when a coyote got within inches of her nephew. Good news: the child survived. Better news: DJ is now accepting babysitting jobs for only $3 million an hour.

    Chapters 00:00 – We're Off to a Hot Start 01:02 – DJ's Face Is Regenerating 02:36 – DJ Starts Rumors About His Friends 03:12 – How to Sneak Full Meals Into the Movies 04:23 – Halloween Horror Nights Is the Actual Nightmare 05:27 – Kelly's Internet Dies & DJ Gives a House Tour 07:53 – Halloween Horror Nights, Take Two 08:24 – DJ's Astronaut Costume Problem 09:31 – The Disposable Astronaut Helmet 10:18 – “You’ll Have to Wear It on the Plane” 11:15 – Nothing Is Easy 12:05 – Airport Gate Agents Choose Violence 12:29 – The Cop, the Cell Phone & the Missing Hand 14:36 – DJ's Fear of Losing a Limb 15:01 – Grandpa's Ice-Factory Finger 15:22 – Holly, Jim, Holly & Jim 16:19 – DJ's Tennessee Storytime 17:09 – Do We Still Cancel People? 17:33 – Pink, Macklemore & Speaking Out 19:50 – We Just Lost Mayim Bialik as a Listener 23:42 – We're 15 Minutes From Running Away From Thunder 25:17 – DJ & Kelly at the Movies 25:28 – Buddy Was Weird as Fuck—and We Loved It 27:00 – Onslaught Was Fine 27:49 – Weird Movies That Are Weird Just to Be Weird 29:01 – DJ Needs to Do “I Don't Think So, Honey” 29:45 – I've Got Some Things I Don't Love 29:57 – DJ Is Podcasting in Underwear and Shoes 31:00 – DJ's Fargo Stunt Story 33:14 – Kelly Has Had Enough of Children 34:15 – A Coyote Almost Took Kelly's Nephew 36:26 – Don't Lose Your Dog to a Hawk 37:18 – More Onslaught & Getting Sprayed in 4D 38:44 – DJ Can't Quit P.F. Chang's 40:41 – Join Us on Patreon

    Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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    41 分
  • People Are Sniffing Our Butts in Our Own Communities | Ep 122

    People Are Sniffing Our Butts in Our Own Communities | Ep 122
    2026/09/09
    CHAPTERS 00:00 DJ's Bowler Hat & 10 Movies in August 02:15 Barney on a Rampage 02:46 Wait… What Happened to the Guy Who Played Barney? 04:34 Barney's Tantric Sex Business 06:06 The World Has Become Completely Insane 08:04 The Death of a Pastor's Wife 09:31 Mica Miller, John-Paul Miller & Coercive Control 13:07 Why “Just Leave” Isn't That Simple 17:57 THE SERIAL BUTT SNIFFER IS BACK 20:11 How Does a Serial Butt Sniffer Operate? 22:17 DJ Discovers Ghost Kitchens 23:33 Your Favorite “Restaurant” Might Not Exist 24:11 “It's Not Fraud, It's Just Wings” 26:02 The Problem With Grocery Delivery 28:25 Male Instacart Shoppers 30:33 DJ's 19-Step Crushed-Chip Solution 31:47 Why Are People Eating Plain Lay's? 33:21 The Best Sandwich Chains 34:30 Sweetgreen & Salad Discourse 36:34 What We Saw This Week 37:01 Finding Emily Review 38:18 We Literally Couldn't Understand the Movie 38:31 Movie-Theater Sneezing Etiquette 40:21 Are Men Creating Noise Pollution? 41:20 The Movie-Theater Crinkler Returns 42:16 “You Just Got ICE'd, Bitch” 43:37 Patreon Preview

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    44 分
  • Dump Him. Thanks for Listening | Ep 121

    Dump Him. Thanks for Listening | Ep 121
    2026/09/02

    DJ has returned from New Jersey exhausted, Kelly deliberately cuts off the intro, and this week's episode of Locked & Probably Loaded with DJ & Kelly is officially coming to you live from DJ's bed.

    We start with boundaries—and DJ's increasingly toxic relationship with American Airlines after a seemingly endless series of delays. After dozens of flights and hours spent stranded in airports, DJ has one request: if the airline is going to make him live there, could they at least upgrade him from the lounge that looks like a bus stop?

    Then we get into travel, cultural differences and the danger of assuming your own values automatically apply everywhere. DJ remembers trying to overpay a woman doing his laundry in the Philippines before being told to stop imposing his Western assumptions, while Kelly remembers being asked to stop tipping so much during a trip to India.

    We also talk movies that may or may not make any sense, the apparently essential inclusion of dinosaur sex, modern parenting expectations, people who desperately need to mind their own business, and the strange internet trajectory of Lohanthony.

    Then we finally dig into the listener inbox.

    One listener has been with her boyfriend for four years and has always been clear that she wants marriage. Now he says marriage is “just a piece of paper”—but wants them to buy a house together. Is refusing to buy property without marriage an ultimatum? And more importantly… is an ultimatum necessarily a bad thing?

    Kelly also explains why Daniel Sloss's Jigsaw relationship metaphor has stuck with her: sometimes the answer isn't forcing another person into the life you've imagined. It's recognizing that the pieces don't fit and choosing yourself.

    Plus: movie theater snacks, gaydar, asymmetrical faces, shareholders, sex in Thailand and DJ's revolutionary new philosophy:

    If it doesn't fit, get it away from me. I'm tired.

    Chapters

    00:00 – Kelly Refuses to Finish the Intro
    01:14 – DJ Is Setting Boundaries From Bed
    02:10 – Live, Work, Sleep? Absolutely Not
    03:23 – We're Beholden to Our Shareholders
    03:38 – DJ's Toxic Relationship With American Airlines
    06:44 – DJ Wants Concierge Key
    07:40 – Airport Sleeping Pods & Travel Trauma
    08:20 – California Summer Is a Scam
    09:41 – Dolly Parton & Owning Who You Are
    10:56 – A Very Honest Tourist in Thailand
    13:17 – Sex Work, Judgment & Minding Your Business
    15:17 – DJ's $1 Laundry Lesson in the Philippines
    16:40 – Kelly's Tipping Story From India
    17:43 – Why Does My Face Look Different on Camera?
    18:49 – Listener Emails
    19:10 – Another Straight Man Has Found the Podcast
    19:48 – What Happened With Black Summer?
    21:31 – The End of Oak Street Was… Weird
    22:12 – Yes, There Is Dinosaur Sex
    23:05 – What Movies Are We Seeing Next?
    24:02 – When “Surrealistic” Means “This Makes No Sense”
    26:27 – What Is Back-to-School Night?
    27:03 – Parenting Expectations Are Out of Control
    28:25 – Leave Britney Alone & Lohanthony
    29:32 – Lohanthony, Christianity & Conversion Therapy
    32:25 – Back to the Listener Mail
    32:36 – “My Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Marry Me”
    33:34 – Are Ultimatums Actually Bad?
    36:40 – Daniel Sloss's Relationship Theory
    38:11 – If It Doesn't Fit, Get It Away From Me
    38:38 – Patreon & Happy Hour


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    39 分
  • Didgeridoo Exorcisms & Why Women Underrate Their Pain | Ep 120

    Didgeridoo Exorcisms & Why Women Underrate Their Pain | Ep 120
    2026/08/26

    DJ is finally FREE from corporate tax prep, Kelly has popped blood vessels in both eyes from too much research, and somehow that’s only the beginning.

    This week on Locked & Probably Loaded with DJ & Kelly, we get into Kaia Gerber’s story about being spiritually cleansed with a didgeridoo, Chris Hansen’s thoughts on Robert Pattinson playing him, the upcoming Anthony Bourdain movie Tony, and why having a Regal Unlimited pass has basically turned going to the movies into our part-time job.

    We also talk ADHD, visual clutter and the impossible task of getting rid of stuff you’ve owned for years; celebrity impersonators who may look more like the celebrity than the actual celebrity; whether yachts are secretly terrifying; and the important financial strategy of sneaking a four-course meal—with dipping sauces—into a movie theater.

    Then Kelly brings up a theory about the way men and women interpret the 1–10 pain scale at the doctor: are men comparing their pain to the worst thing they’ve personally experienced, while women compare theirs to the worst pain they can imagine? And could that be one more reason women unintentionally downplay their pain when seeking medical care?

    Plus: New Jersey, hangovers, soft pretzels, mushrooms, tiny thumbs and entirely too much information.

    Locked & Probably Loaded with DJ & Kelly
    New episodes weekly.

    Chapters

    These should work nicely as searchable YouTube chapters:

    00:00 – DJ Survived Tax Prep
    04:00 – The McDonald’s Flash Mob
    06:23 – New Jersey & DJ’s Legendary Night Out
    09:06 – Hangovers, College Drinking & Boone’s Farm
    10:49 – Kelly’s Internet Is Still Fighting Her
    12:01 – Kaia Gerber’s Didgeridoo Exorcism
    13:49 – Robert Pattinson Is Playing Chris Hansen?!
    16:48 – The Anthony Bourdain Movie Tony
    17:18 – We’ve Turned Going to the Movies Into a Job
    20:42 – ADHD, Clutter & Getting Rid of Everything
    23:29 – DJ’s Extremely Disturbing New Art
    25:00 – The Tupac Murder Trial
    26:33 – Celebrity Impersonators Are Getting Too Good
    29:45 – Are Yachts Actually Fun?
    31:07 – Why Terrible Things Keep Happening on Yachts
    32:42 – Do Men & Women Rate Pain Differently?
    38:39 – Maybe Going to Bed Sober Is Unhealthy
    39:15 – Never Look at Your Hands on Mushrooms
    41:09 – Patreon & Live Happy Hour


    Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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    42 分
  • We’ve Seen Some Things | Ep 119

    We’ve Seen Some Things | Ep 119
    2026/08/19

    DJ should be on a cruise. Instead, he’s doing taxes because his travel companion waited until the last possible second to remember one tiny problem: there’s a warrant out for his arrest.

    Then DJ and Kelly recap a VERY busy week at the movies, including One Night Only, Spider-Man: Brand New Day, Super Troopers 3 and I Want Your Sex. Which movies worked, which didn’t, and why exactly is One Night Only essentially “The Purge, but for sex”?

    Elsewhere: why Dungeons & Dragons creates instant secondhand embarrassment, whether Gen Z’s declining interest in drinking and dating might have something to do with how insanely expensive it is to leave the house, DJ’s unwavering devotion to Irish Spring 5-in-1, rising electricity bills, political hypocrisy, the WNBA protest stunt, and the Lindsay Clancy trial.

    Plus, on Patreon: DJ experiments with Jell-O that expired in 2022, The Last House gets absolutely demolished, and we establish the official Locked & Probably Loaded rule: listen to an entire episode before deciding whether you hate us.

    Join Patreon for episodes a week early, bonus content and live happy hours:
    patreon.com/loadedpod

    Try a live happy hour:
    loadedpod.com

    Follow us:
    @loadedpod

    Email:
    probablyloadedpod@gmail.com

    Chapters

    00:00 Welcome to Locked & Probably Loaded
    00:56 DJ’s Five Days of Tax Prep Hell
    02:25 How DJ Earned Free Cruise Rooms
    03:49 The Cruise Disaster: “Your Warrant Is Not My Responsibility”
    05:23 Taco Bell, Below Deck & Recovering From the Cancellation
    06:44 Would DJ & Kelly Survive Dungeons & Dragons?
    08:06 The Freedom — and Horror — of Being Cringe
    09:45 One Night Only: The Purge, But for Sex
    13:29 Spider-Man: Brand New Day
    14:13 Super Troopers 3
    15:41 I Want Your Sex
    16:49 Why Isn’t Gen Z Having Sex?
    18:52 The WNBA Protest Stunt
    20:36 Why Is Electricity So Expensive?
    22:35 Things Nobody Tells You About Owning a House
    23:45 DJ’s Unwavering Loyalty to Irish Spring
    27:29 Political Hypocrisy & Ken Paxton
    32:46 Max Miller & Political Scandals
    35:31 Matt Gaetz Invades DJ’s Facebook Algorithm
    37:24 The Lindsay Clancy Trial
    45:10 Boston, Justice & an Interesting Way to End a Podcast
    46:03 Patreon, Live Happy Hours & What’s Next

    PATREON BONUS

    46:59 Does Jell-O Expire? DJ Finds Out
    48:47 The Cruise That Never Happened
    49:40 Why This Podcast Is Almost Impossible to Clip
    52:31 Rage Bait & the Internet Attention Span
    53:25 The Last House: What the Hell Was That?
    57:13 Back to Tax Hell
    58:54 The $1 Taco Bell Quesarito That Costs $1.60

    Locked and Probably Loaded, DJ Qualls, Kelly Blackheart, One Night Only movie, One Night Only review, Spider-Man Brand New Day, Spider-Man Brand New Day review, Tom Holland Spider-Man, Super Troopers 3, Super Troopers 3 review, I Want Your Sex movie, I Want Your Sex review, Olivia Wilde, Gregg Araki, Cooper Hoffman, The Last House Netflix, The Last House review, new movies 2026, movie reviews 2026, comedy podcast, pop culture podcast, Lindsay Clancy trial, Lindsay Clancy, WNBA controversy, Royce White WNBA, Enes Kanter WNBA, DJ and Kelly


    Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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    38 分
  • Research Is Not A Nighttime Activity| Ep 118

    Research Is Not A Nighttime Activity| Ep 118
    2026/08/12

    In this episode of Locked & Probably Loaded, DJ Qualls and Kelly Blackheart dive into late-night overthinking, documentary rabbit holes, anxiety spirals, sleep deprivation, and why "research is not a nighttime activity." They also share stories about organizing their homes, finding unexpected gratitude, cruise planning disasters, and the strange tricks that actually helped improve their moods. If you've ever stayed awake Googling yourself into a panic, this episode is for you.

    00:00 Welcome & DJ's Sleepless Night

    01:00 Why Late-Night Research Is a Bad Idea

    03:00 The Documentaries We Can (and Can't) Watch

    08:00 Acting Crazy Might Actually Keep You Safe

    11:00 Can Smiling Actually Change Your Mood?

    14:00 Organization, Gratitude & Sleepless Nights

    20:00 The Rabbit Hole of Jewelry and Collecting

    25:00 Why We Can Never Finish Organizing

    31:00 The Worst Chore in the World

    33:00 Why This Podcast Makes Us Happier

    35:00 DJ's Cruise Dilemma

    sleep anxiety

    overthinking

    can't sleep

    late night thoughts

    mental health

    documentaries

    true crime documentaries

    heist documentaries

    gratitude

    organization

    decluttering

    podcast

    DJ Qualls

    Kelly Blackheart

    Locked and Probably Loaded

    comedy podcast

    friendship podcast

    sleep tips

    anxiety podcast


    Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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    37 分
  • The Odyssey, Puerto Vallarta & The Movie We Couldn't Stop Roasting | Ep 117

    The Odyssey, Puerto Vallarta & The Movie We Couldn't Stop Roasting | Ep 117
    2026/08/05

    DJ Qualls and Kelly Blackheart recap one of their most chaotic weeks yet, beginning with a hilariously brutal review of Her Private Hell, a film so bizarre that they couldn't stop talking about it long after leaving the theater. They also share their spoiler-free thoughts on The Odyssey, discuss Hollywood filmmaking, storytelling, and what separates artistic ambition from self-indulgence.

    The conversation continues with stories from their Puerto Vallarta vacation, including travel mishaps, a nationwide T-Mobile outage that convinced them the apocalypse had begun, getting trapped in an elevator in Mexico, first-class flight upgrades, food poisoning before a flight home, awkward fan encounters, vacation disasters, and Kelly's newest hobby: learning to sew.

    If you enjoy movie reviews, behind-the-scenes Hollywood conversations, travel stories, comedy, and unfiltered conversations about filmmaking and life, this episode is packed with laughs, unexpected detours, and plenty of chaos.


    Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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    44 分