Classical violinist, Matthew Castle, describes growing up in a cloistered echo chamber of blind obedience, misogyny, high control, “us versus them,” and feeling like, “I never fit in…” to the culture of constant judgement. As a teen, he recognized that he was attracted to men, which cult leaders considered “the worst sin”. Over time, he saw, “I had to either completely repress myself, or I was going to have to leave.”

Listen to learn the series of painful events, including a “conversion therapy” conference, that all contributed to him “leaving my entire life, everyone I’d known,” with a duffle bag and his violin at 18. But also listen to hear about his triumphs, and how instrumental music, specifically, catalyzes healing for him. He also shares recovery wisdom for others currently taking their lives back from abusive relational systems.

Trigger Warning: Due to these episodes containing stories that involve cults and other types of coercive control that may be disturbing to some, listener discretion is advised.

Find Matthew at paulcastlestudio.com and at Matthew & Paul (Instagram / Facebook / TikTok).

Mentioned in this episode: Shiny Happy People documentary

You can find Living Cult Free on social media, especially on Instagram, at livingcultfree Our website is livingcultfree.com. The mission of Living Cult Free is to highlight survivor voices, strengthen self-agency, and provide education that builds resilience against coercion and abuse.

At the website above, you can:

• Contact us to share your story
• Meet who runs and collaborates with Living Cult Free
• Make a donation to help further Living Cult Free’s mission

Thank you for your support!

©2026 Living Cult Free

Intro & outro by Jon Snow; Original Music by Esther Friedman

Editing and production by Vanessa Hennessey

Huge thanks to Living Cult Free’s intern, Nikki Kattamuri, and the Living Cult Free Board of Directors.

Music and sound:

European Archive and Li-Mei via Musopen

Ashot Danielyan, Danny Ballan, folk_acoustic_music, freesound_community, Sergii Pavkin via Pixabay

The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speaker’s own and do not represent the views, thoughts, and opinions of Living Cult Free. The material and information presented here is for general information purposes only. The Living Cult Free name and all forms and abbreviations are the property of its owner and its use does not imply endorsement of or opposition to any specific organization, product, or service.

In this episode, we speak with author and survivor Beth Granger, who spent 30 years inside a Canadian boarding school that functioned as a hidden cult. She shares her experiences with coercive control, public shaming, family separation, and religious trauma, along with the difficult, non-linear reality of healing.
Beth also discusses the landmark class action lawsuit she helped lead—the first historical abuse case to win at trial in Canada—and reflects on its personal cost and impact. She explains how writing her memoir, Born and Razed, became a key part of her recovery. This conversation explores not just survival, but what it takes to rebuild a life, reclaim identity, and turn personal truth into meaningful change.

Check out Beth's social media and website here and check out her book, Born and Razed, here.

Trigger Warning: Due to these episodes containing stories that involve cults and other types of coercive control that may be disturbing to some, listener discretion is advised.

You can find Living Cult Free on social media, especially on Instagram, at livingcultfree Our website is livingcultfree.com. The mission of Living Cult Free is to highlight survivor voices, strengthen self-agency, and provide education that builds resilience against coercion and abuse.

At the website above, you can:

• Contact us to share your story
• Meet who runs and collaborates with Living Cult Free
• Make a donation to help further Living Cult Free’s mission

Thank you for your support!

©2026 Living Cult Free

Intro & outro by Jon Snow; Original Music by Esther Friedman

Editing and production by Vanessa Hennessey

Huge thanks to Living Cult Free’s intern, Nikki Kattamuri, and the Living Cult Free Board of Directors; as well as Erica A. Slauson for her help with transcription.

Music and sound found on Pixabay, by:

Dream-Protocol, DSTechnician, Everything_is_dead, Juan Sanchez, Kimberly Campbell, Leigh Robinson, Paul Winter, Sergii Pavkin

The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speaker’s own and do not represent the views, thoughts, and opinions of Living Cult Free. The material and information presented here is for general information purposes only. The Living Cult Free name and all forms and abbreviations are the property of its owner and its use does not imply endorsement of or opposition to any specific organization, product, or service.

When a cult leader put his towel next to Hoyt’s on a beach in Nantucket, the then 16 year old’s life changed dramatically as he was slowly drawn deeper and deeper in. This is a story of coercive control that took over everything, how he ultimately escaped, and reclaimed what was stolen from him - including his connection to the love of his life.

Find Hoyt at his Instagram and catch the documentary featuring Hoyt on HBO!

You can find Living Cult Free on social media, especially on Instagram, at livingcultfree Our website is livingcultfree.com where the mission is to support the creative expression of survivor stories and empower advocacy through education.

At the website above, you can:

• Contact us to share your story
• Meet who runs and collaborates with Living Cult Free
• Make a donation to help further Living Cult Free’s mission

Thank you for your support!

©2026 Living Cult Free

Intro & outro by Jon Snow; Original Music by Esther Friedman

Editing and production by Vanessa Hennessey

Huge thanks to Living Cult Free’s intern, Nikki Kattamuri, and the Living Cult Free Board of Directors.

Music and sound by: Anton Vlasov, Clavier-Music, Deane Patterson, Dvir Silverstone, Freesound_community, Leonid Timachev, Michael Koreli, Music-for-Videos, NiKneT_Art, Spin Opel, Universfield, Zec53

The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speaker’s own and do not represent the views, thoughts, and opinions of Living Cult Free. The material and information presented here is for general information purposes only. The Living Cult Free name and all forms and abbreviations are the property of its owner and its use does not imply endorsement of or opposition to any specific organization, product, or service.

We are so excited to share this bonus episode: a follow up conversation with Mariama. Her first episode (#5 - “Breaking Free: Mariama’s Journey of Healing and Self Discovery”) focused on her exit from the cult she was raised in. If you haven’t heard it already, we encourage you to hit pause on this one and listen to that one first! On this one, we invite you to listen and help us celebrate Mariama’s post-cult reclamation. Here, she shares her hard won wisdom as well as the challenges she has met along the way. Her insights are pearls of wisdom that we hope will inspire you.

Trigger Warning: Due to these episodes containing stories that involve cults and other types of coercive control that may be disturbing to some, listener discretion is advised.

You can find Living Cult Free on social media, especially on Instagram, at livingcultfree Our website is livingcultfree.com where the mission is to support the creative expression of survivor stories and empower advocacy through education.

At the website above, you can:

• Contact us to share your story
• Meet who runs and collaborates with Living Cult Free
• Make a donation to help further Living Cult Free’s mission

Thank you for your support!

©2024 Living Cult Free

Intro & outro by Jon Snow; Original Music by Esther Friedman

Editing and production by Vanessa Hennessey

Huge thanks to Living Cult Free’s intern, Nikki Kattamuri, and the Living Cult Free Board of Directors; as well as Erica A. Slauson for her help with transcription.

The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speaker’s own and do not represent the views, thoughts, and opinions of Living Cult Free. The material and information presented here is for general information purposes only. The Living Cult Free name and all forms and abbreviations are the property of its owner and its use does not imply endorsement of or opposition to any specific organization, product, or service.

Please note this episode has been edited to keep some names and identifiers confidential.

Having grown up in a religious cult, Cerese shares the confusion, doubts, and even self hate - especially as an adolescent - feeling betrayed by her maturing body. The prescribed norms of the church dictated her reality, severing the healthy bonds with her father. Adolescence heralded the end of them sharing their mutual love for the outdoors. Survival as an adult included a return to the outdoors and through hundreds of hikes, as her authentic self emerged. However, it took the death of both of her parents and her best friend’s death by suicide for her to finally break free from the cultic grip. The episode opens with Cerese reading her writing, “Naked in the Wilderness.”

Trigger Warning: This episode includes references to death by suicide. Due to these episodes containing stories that involve cults and other types of coercive control that may be disturbing to some, listener discretion is advised.

You can find Living Cult Free on social media, especially on Instagram, at livingcultfree Our website is livingcultfree.com where the mission is to support the creative expression of survivor stories and empower advocacy through education.

At the website above, you can:

• Contact us to share your story
• Meet who runs and collaborates with Living Cult Free
• Make a donation to help further Living Cult Free’s mission

Thank you for your support!

©2024 Living Cult Free

Intro & outro by Jon Snow; Original Music by Esther Friedman

Editing and production by Vanessa Hennessey

Huge thanks to Living Cult Free’s intern, Nikki Kattamuri, and the Living Cult Free Board of Directors; as well as Erica A. Slauson for her help with transcription.

Music and sound by: Anton Kornienko, Chill_background, Daub_audio, Denis Pavlov, Dmitrii Kolesnikov, Dream-Protocol, EdR, Noru, Restum Anoush, Sergii Pavkin, Tiago Rocha, ViraMiller, Vlad Krotov

Lori shares her story of how she became deeply involved in an online school that blurred the line between education and coercion. She opens up about the power of community, the subtle ways control takes hold, and the moment she realized she had to break free. In this candid conversation, Lori reflects on the challenges of leaving, rebuilding her life, and reclaiming her personal power. A powerful story of resilience, self-discovery, and the long road to healing. The episode opens with Lori reading from her piece, "Still Unsettled, but Healing...".

Find Lori at her website.

Trigger Warning: Due to these episodes containing stories that involve cults and other types of coercive control that may be disturbing to some, listener discretion is advised.

You can find Living Cult Free on social media, especially on Instagram, at livingcultfree Our website is livingcultfree.com where the mission is to support the creative expression of survivor stories and empower advocacy through education.

At the website above, you can:

• Contact us to share your story
• Meet who runs and collaborates with Living Cult Free
• Make a donation to help further Living Cult Free’s mission

Thank you for your support!

©2025 Living Cult Free

Intro & outro by Jon Snow; Original Music by Esther Friedman

Editing and production by Vanessa Hennessey

Huge thanks to Living Cult Free’s intern, Nikki Kattamuri, and the Living Cult Free Board of Directors; as well as Erica A. Slauson for her help with transcription.

Music and sound by: Alexander Lisenkov, AllWorldMusic, Geoff Harvey, Keyframe Audio, Musiconaut, Oleksandr Stepanov, Serge Quadrado, Sergii Pavkin, Timothy Kulig.

The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speaker’s own and do not represent the views, thoughts, and opinions of Living Cult Free. The material and information presented here is for general information purposes only. The Living Cult Free name and all forms and abbreviations are the property of its owner and its use does not imply endorsement of or opposition to any specific organization, product, or service.

In this powerful episode, Mariama shares her deeply personal journey of growing up in a high-control religious group. She reflects on her upbringing, the constraints on personal expression, and the challenges of finding her identity while under constant scrutiny. Mariama opens up about the pivotal moments that led her to question the group's teachings, the emotional toll of leaving, and the courage it took to reclaim her life. Her candid storytelling highlights themes of self-discovery, healing, and resilience, offering hope and insight to those on similar paths.

Trigger Warning: Due to these episodes containing stories that involve cults and other types of coercive control that may be disturbing to some, listener discretion is advised. This episode contains mentions of child sexual abuse.

You can find Living Cult Free on social media, especially on Instagram, at livingcultfree Our website is livingcultfree.com where the mission is to support the creative expression of survivor stories and empower advocacy through education.

At the website above, you can:

• Contact us to share your story
• Meet who runs and collaborates with Living Cult Free
• Make a donation to help further Living Cult Free’s mission

Thank you for your support!

©2024 Living Cult Free

Intro & outro by Jon Snow; Original Music by Esther Friedman

Editing and production by Vanessa Hennessey

Huge thanks to Living Cult Free’s intern, Nikki Kattamuri, and the Living Cult Free Board of Directors; as well as Erica A. Slauson for her help with transcription.

Music and sound by: Ashot Danielyan, BRVAN, Clavier Clavier, Dvir Silver, Emmraan, John Britton, Sergii Pavkin, Valentin Iakovlev. All music found on Pixabay.

The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speaker’s own and do not represent the views, thoughts, and opinions of Living Cult Free. The material and information presented here is for general information purposes only. The Living Cult Free name and all forms and abbreviations are the property of its owner and its use does not imply endorsement of or opposition to any specific organization, product, or service.

Elad shares how he grew up a secular Jew with Israeli parents and went on a spiritual journey, seeking meaning and community. This led him to a Hasidic community where he found “beauty, truth and beautifully true people.” Over time, though, he realized that ongoing acceptance within this religious family required a “total sublimation of my selfhood.” He describes the painful journey into a spiritual home, through disillusionment and, finally, walking away from the beliefs, people and places that had been his home to return to his authentic self. Note: 2 years have passed since this interview with Elad was first recorded. Naturally, Elad's views and writings have evolved since then. This episode begins with Elad reading from his piece, "I Sold My Soul," published on his Substack newsletter.

Find Elad on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/EladNehorai/ and

On Substack https://eladnehorai.substack.com/

Trigger Warning: Explicit mentions of sex and death threats. In addition, due to these episodes containing stories that involve cults and other types of coercive control that may be disturbing to some, listener discretion is advised.

You can find Living Cult Free on social media, especially on Instagram, at living_cult_free Our website is livingcultfree.com where the mission is to support the creative expression of survivor stories and empower advocacy through education.

At the website above, you can:

• Contact us to share your story
• Meet who runs and collaborates with Living Cult Free
• Make a donation to help further Living Cult Free’s mission

Thank you for your support!

©2024 Living Cult Free

Intro & outro by Jon Snow; Original Music by Esther Friedman

Editing and production by Vanessa Hennessey

Huge thanks to Living Cult Free’s intern, Nikki Kattamuri, the Living Cult Free Board of Directors, and Erica A. Slauson for help with transcriptions.

Music and sound by:

Ashot Danielyan, Jerome Chauvel, Fae Spencer, UNIVERSFIELD, Sergei Chetvertnykh, Piano Amor, ArctSound, and Sergii Pavkin

The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speaker’s own and do not represent the views, thoughts, and opinions of Living Cult Free. The material and information presented here is for general information purposes only. Please keep in mind that each episode is recorded long before it is shared live and the views and perspective of the storyteller may have changed. The Living Cult Free name and all forms and abbreviations are the property of its owner and its use does not imply endorsement of or opposition to any specific organization, product, or service.