This week, Carolyn and Shane are tackling your toughest family money questions. How do you split the bill for an elderly parent’s care when you and your siblings have very different incomes? How much should you help when someone you love is in a tough financial spot? One thing is for sure: when family is involved, even the simplest financial questions can get messy.

Question #1:

My sister and I are in our mid-60's. My sister led a life untethered to responsibility. She is creative and easily feels constrained by people and places, which means she's spent her life changing from one place to the next, one partner or friend group here but not there. A perpetual 24-year-old.

I was her home base - my garage for storage, mailing address for important mail, couch when she was between fabulousness - and constantly holding boundaries.

We are in our mid 60s now. It is clear my sister has zero savings, worked under the table often = little social security, and has health problems that prevent her from working. None of her fabulous friends are there to support her. It's just me.

If you can't tell already - I'm angry. Angry that there is no one else to help her. Angry that she always, in the end, gets what she wants and never works for it. Angry that my hard-earned money is going to her.

I know I technically have a choice but I'd be a monster to turn her out. She'd end up on the street, truly. How do I get past this anger and find peace in my choice to help my sister? –Angry

Question #2:

I’m the youngest of three siblings, and historically have not been as prosperous as the other two. It’s my own doing, and at my age I’ve come to terms with living paycheck to paycheck.

As our mother has aged (she’s now 97), my siblings have battled with each other over control of Mom’s finances as well as her living arrangements.

Our mother has been moved several times without any consideration of what I think might be beneficial. I have been told to “stay out of it” or just been outright excluded from major decisions.

A recent email from the current financial overseer to all three of us announced that Mom is completely out of money and that we all need to step up and contribute to her care.

She was moved to a facility recently that I have just found out costs some $8,000 a month. I never would have agreed to this, there were absolutely more affordable options.

I visit Mom when I can (I live some 1500 miles away), call her frequently and have offered my spare bedroom many times as a permanent solution. She’s always declined, my climate would be extremely uncomfortable.

I can’t afford to contribute my fair share of the costs. I’m miserable about this, but it is my reality. I also feel like I have not created this problem and it could have been avoided. I’m angry about that. Is that how I reply [to our financial adviser]?

Also, does this make me a selfish person, or am I being too hard on myself? I’d really like to know what you think.

-Feeling guilty and angry

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This week on Life Hax, a concerned mother complains that her daughter has a platonic male best friend who she refuses to date. Mom is convinced the two are standing in the way of each other’s futures… or at least, in the way of potential grandchildren. When is it okay to meddle? Carolyn and Shane talk through it.

Next, Carolyn and Shane dig into the listener mailbag to rapid fire answer some parenting and family questions. This episode is packed with stories of family interference and parent-child dilemmas—from wedding guest list drama to sibling favoritism. Buckle up!

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Need advice? Welcome to Life Hax, a brand new podcast co-hosted by Washington Post advice columnists Carolyn Hax and Shane O’Neill. Each week, they’ll answer your most pressing questions about a wide range of personal issues, be it toxic family, messy romantic entanglements, or dysfunctional friendships. Come for the dishy stories, stay for Carolyn and Shane’s sharp insights into navigating the personal relationships that give us fits.

Today’s questions are all about adultery. When there’s cheating in the air…whose job is it to spill the tea? Should some secrets just stay buried? Listen now to find out. Plus, find the full text of for this week's round up of submissions below.

Question #1:

Dear Life Hax,

My husband confessed to an affair years ago with an old friend from college, and we worked through the aftermath. I found out this same old friend had other affairs with multiple married men in the college friend group. I see these wives socially and we've become friends. They have no idea their husbands betrayed them with this woman. They post pictures of events with their arms draped over her shoulders, and my skin crawls. My marriage is better, more honest and intimate since my husband's confession so I know it's possible their marriages will survive. Should I tell these wives this woman is not their friend? I know the husbands are carrying around heavy guilt about their infidelity and they may find relief for the secret to be out. I also feel disloyal to my friends by staying silent even though I don't want to trouble the waters. What would you do?

Question #2:

Dear Life Hax,

Years ago I was in a tight but dysfunctional friend group. One of the friends, "Cate," was secretly sleeping with the boyfriend of another friend "Anna." I was not the only one who knew, but we agreed to keep quiet about it. Typical immature 20-somethings we were. Sometime later, I was dropped by the group. I knew why without having to ask anyone: Anna found out her boyfriend was cheating, and the boyfriend and some of the other friends pointed the finger at me to protect Cate. I didn't really care. I had grown tired of these friends, and being dropped was the relief I needed so I never defended myself or tried to get back in the group. Anna was always snobby toward me, and at the time, I thought it was a nice comeuppance for her to be backstabbed by her bestie while being completely clueless, even at the expense of being falsely accused of betrayal. Anna eventually got married to someone else, and now this new guy is about to become a father, with Cate, who was even her maid of honor. Anna has since learned the whole truth about how long Cate has been sleeping with her romantic partners, how other friends over the years knew and kept quiet, and how I was scapegoated that one time while also knowing the truth. Anna sent me a message asking why I didn't tell her the truth all those years ago, and why I let her think I was the one who slept with her ex-boyfriend. She says if she had known the truth about Cate way back then, she would never have let Cate become so enmeshed in her life. I have not responded. I don't know what to say other than, "Sorry Cate has been a bad friend to you for a decade. Choose better men and better friends." But I'm not going to say that. Am I being petty by still holding my peace?

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