Right, so Andy Burnham thinks the best thing to do during the air-bombing of Yemen by the Saudis is to send one of the RAF’s flying petrol stations in to refuel the perpetrators of the carnage.

But of course it gets tarted up as anything but doesn’t it? Labour calls it "defensive," because, don’t they always? We’re not involved, honest guv. If you say something often enough eventually it becomes the truth is apparently the thinking. Like claiming you had nothing to do with the bank robbery because you only drove the getaway car.

It was a day when Saudi bombs were falling on Yemen; families were picking through what remained of their homes; and an RAF Voyager was in the air, keeping the Saudi military supplied, like Deliveroo for airstrikes.

Here’s what they had to say about that decision.

“Defensive military support.”

That is the government’s explanation. Three words, apparently meant to turn Britain from the bloke holding the ladder into a passer-by who just happened to be there.

Air-to-air refuelling keeps military aircraft in the air longer, lets them go farther from their base, stay longer in an area, and return less often to the ground. It is intrinsic to any actions the Saudis may choose to be carrying out.

The British tanker does not hand over fuel having been given a solemn assurance that it will be used only for charitable purposes and spontaneous hugs has it?

There’s no special shut-off valve marked “defensive only”; no Labour-approved nozzle, with a rosette on and a Vote Andy sticker, which shuts itself off, in case the aircraft ever gets aimed at Yemen. It is simply fuel supplied to an air force actively engaged in a bombing campaign.

Right, so, it seemed that Benjamin Netanyahu assumed Israel’s military superiority was something to be passed down like a hoard of treasure.

Definitely not to be shared. Hardly to be questioned. Certainly not something Saudi Arabia should be allowed anywhere near without first handing him that lovely normalisation deal he’s been after for so long but there’s fat chance of that fairy tale coming true anytime soon.

Israel has been the only state in West Asia in possession of the F-35. Not just operating it either, but enjoying its own specially modified version, because apparently ordinary preferential treatment wasn’t quite preferential enough.

Washington, however, is also knee-deep in this particular mess. Keep the Saudis hooked on American armaments, American training, American software and every overpriced Pentagon contraption bolted onto the thing. Keep Riyadh looking to Washington, rather than Beijing. Keep one of the Gulf’s biggest powers tied into the American military system for years to come. Especially now they are getting a wee bit desperate with regards to getting their oil shipped out and Little Donnie refusing to save them from those man and nasty Houthis.

And, naturally, that procurement process keeps them heading back to the American arms bazaar whenever they need an upgrade.

After all, Donald Trump, who is always in search of opportunities to sell weapons, greenlights a deal to sell the Saudis 48 F-35 jet fighters for $24.3 billion. And of course Israel immediately starts scribbling down a list of compensations faster than a little boy who saw his brother open a bigger, more attractive present.

Yes, the Saudis are apparently being allowed to purchase F-35s and Israel is whining like a little b*tch that it won’t have the biggest and best toys anymore.

Right, so Donald Trump has won Greenland. Apparently.

He hasn't bought it. He hasn't annexed it. He hasn't even managed to claim sovereignty over a single Greenlandic wheelie bin. Still, none of that matters because Trump says he's won - and as we all know, reality is contractually obliged to catch up with his imagination sooner or later.

According to Trump, the United States now has "permanent control" over Greenland's security and "all other needs." Forever. Eternity. The Infinite Life Agreement, which sounds less like a diplomatic breakthrough and more like the sort of thing you'd get upsold by a Bond villain moonlighting as a dodgy broadband salesman.

So here's the announcement.

There you have it. Permanent authority. Security. "All other needs." America's wildest dreams fulfilled, courtesy of the greatest deal-maker ever to shuffle a deck, lose half the cards, and still declare himself the winner.

And this, rather wonderfully, is how that breathtaking triumph was being described in Denmark.

"Congratulations, President Trump. You've just achieved exactly what you always had."

Oh dear.

Sadly for Little Donnie that is the truth of things, even if his oatmeal for brains can’t quite process it. They handed him what amounted to a rusty old key and Trump mistook it for the deeds to the palace, and now he's out front boasting that no president in history has ever owned a doormat quite as magnificent as his.

Which is why this is why we’re all finding this so bloody hilarious.