Say your child asks if they can stay with you for a few weeks, and every answer you could give turns over in your stomach. This week on Journey Beyond the Chaos I talk about how to make a decision you can stand behind when your child is struggling with addiction, you don’t know what to do, and there is no right answer. I share the two ways a decision like that gets made, one to make the feeling stop and one on purpose, and the single question I would start with, which is what matters to me here.

I also tell you about the advice I took early on, to let my son hit rock bottom, and why that decision came from someone else’s rule. This is the Stand step of my workshop, When You Don’t Know What to Do Anymore, which takes you from not knowing what to do anymore to a decision you can stand behind, even when there’s no right answer. It’s one sitting you can watch in your own time, with a workbook that goes with it.

Get the workshop here.

When your adult child texts asking for money, even twenty dollars for petrol with a promise to pay you back on Friday, your stomach can drop before you've finished reading it.

I'm Sandra, a mum who has lived this with my own son, and this week on Journey Beyond the Chaos I stay with that one moment, the message arriving, the few seconds after you read it and the hours after you've answered.

I'm not going to tell you whether to send the money, because with a message like this there often isn't a clear answer and I don't know your child. What I talk about is what happens inside us when it lands, the drop in your stomach that comes before the thinking, the mind running ahead, the pull to answer fast so the feeling stops, and the replay at dinner and in bed.

I share the advice I was given early on, to let my son hit rock bottom, and why I don't believe in tough love or ultimatums. Then I walk through the two layers, the hard thing itself and what our minds add to it, and a simple way to drop anchor in the minute after a message lands, so you have a little more room to decide.

If your child is struggling with addiction and you genuinely don't know what to do anymore, my workshop When You Don't Know What to Do Anymore is one sitting you can watch in your own time, with a workbook that goes with it.

Get the workshop here.

When you don't know what to do anymore, there's often a second voice in the room, and it has a verdict ready whichever way you go.

If you'd like somewhere to stand the next time a message comes through, my recorded workshop, When You Don't Know What To Do Anymore, comes with a companion workbook and instant access: Workshop Link.

Your child asks if they can come home for a while, and before you've had a chance to think, you're already running every possible outcome. Underneath it is the second layer, the suffering we add to the hard thing, made of the what ifs and the what sort of mum am I. I know that voice because it was mine, and I never realised I was adding to my suffering. I share where it comes from, what it does to the way we make decisions, and a few things I'd like you to know about deciding when you can't be certain. There's a short exercise too, to try now or the next time something happens.