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Influence Every Day

Influence Every Day

著者： Dr. Ed Tori
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Do you want to get to the next level in your communication? To turn everyday moments into impactful and unforgettable change agents? The Influence Every Day Show is for you if you're ready to level up every relationship you have. Dr. Tori shares his expertise in influence, persuasion, rapport and behavior change each week - small tweaks to your day-to-day interactions that will influence for good. Follow along on Instagram @ed.tori© 2026 Influence Everywhere, LLC 個人的成功 出世 就職活動 経済学 自己啓発
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  • 073 The Room is More Important Than the Rule

    073 The Room is More Important Than the Rule
    2026/08/31
    The Room Is More Important Than the Rule The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori - Episode 073

    Before you rehearse what you're going to say in your next hard conversation, ask a different question: what has the room already decided?

    Dr. Tori has been running back-to-back (Not So) Difficult Conversations workshops, and the first skill every room learns is setting the stage... the environment, the time, the timing, the messaging that lands before anyone arrives, and the first few moments after they do. In this episode he makes the case that rooms are more important than rules, because the environment shapes behavior whether or not anyone remembers the rule.

    He travels through eight spaces designed to change how people show up:

    • The Dogon toguna (Mali) - the elders' meeting shelter with a ceiling about four feet high, where the traditional account is that anger, expressed by standing, has nowhere to go
    • The nijiriguchi (Japan) - the tea-house "crawling-in" door, about two feet square, that samurai couldn't carry a sword through; lord and merchant enter the same way
    • Floor-sitting cultures - Japan, Korea, and much of the Islamic world, where no seat is higher than anyone else's
    • The Paris peace talks (1968–69) - ten weeks spent deciding the shape of the negotiating table before substantive talks could begin
    • Finnish sauna diplomacy - Cold War negotiations in towels: no insignia, no rank, no weapons
    • Hajj - millions of pilgrims in the same two white cloths
    • Quaker meeting houses - no altar, no pulpit, facing pews, silence as the default
    • Topkapi Palace - the "Eye of the Sultan," a carved grate over the council chamber where the sultan might or might not be listening
    • The UK House of Commons - benches that face each other, so the opposing argument always has a seat

    Most of these rooms do one thing: they shed status before the conversation starts. And some do the opposite on purpose... because if every meeting you run ends in full agreement, that's a red flag for potential groupthink.

    The episode closes with the part that stings: we set rules for ourselves, break them, beat ourselves up... Never once do we ask whether we designed the room to make the rule easy. You're already deliberate about the room when you want to chill with a friend or family. Be that deliberate when the stakes are high.

    Context is more important than content.

    Key takeaways:
    1. Rooms are more important than rules. The environment shapes behavior with or without the rule.
    2. Setting the stage has multiple levers you control... including environment, time, timing, messaging before, and the arrival.
    3. Most deliberately designed rooms across cultures shed status. If a conversation matters that much, it's more important than your ego.
    4. Some rooms should be designed for disagreement. Full agreement in every meeting means you've designed out honesty.
    5. Before you blame your character for a broken rule, look at the room you keep breaking it in.
    Quotables:
    • "Rooms are more important than rules."
    • "If it's that important to you, it's more important than your ego."
    • "If I get full agreement of everyone in the room, that is a bad sign."
    • "Sometimes we break the rule and beat ourselves up, but we never designed it so it was easy to carry out the rule."
    • "Context is far more important than content."
    This week's action:

    Pick one conversation you've been avoiding. Before you rehearse a single sentence, change one thing about the room... where, when, or what they hear before they walk in. Then see how much rule you still need.

    Mentioned in this episode:
    • Setting the Stage - the first of five moves in Not-So-Difficult Conversations (Dr. Tori's card-deck workshop)
    • The Core Influence Framework™ - this episode lives in the Contexts pillar
    • Rule 6 of the 7 Simple Rules of Influence: Make It Easy
    Links:
    • How well do you listen? Take the quiz: https://listening.scoreapp.com
    • Apply for 1-on-1 influence coaching: https://DrTori.com/coaching-application-1on1
    • Bring the Not-So-Difficult Conversations workshop to your team: https://DrTori.com/speaking
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    14 分
  • 072 Nervous Before A Talk? Advice To A Friend

    072 Nervous Before A Talk? Advice To A Friend
    2026/08/04
    Episode 072 Nervous Before A Talk? Advice To A Friend The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori Several months ago a colleague and friend reached out. She was about to appear as a guest speaker on a webinar and she was, in her words, incredibly anxious. Her email said something close to this: "You always say if you can ever serve me to let you know. Well, I'm letting you know." So I did two things. I offered her a practice run where she could present to me first. And I recorded her a video... ten points, off a single index card, no script. Over the next couple of months, a few other people asked me some version of the same question. I removed her name and every reference to her situation, and sent them the same video with one line: "I recorded this for someone else. Perhaps you'll find it helpful." Every one of them came back to say it helped. This episode is that video. If you have something coming up (a webinar, a panel, a podcast guest slot, a keynote, a board presentation) this is what I'd tell you if you emailed me the night before. Inside this episode: Why the feeling you're calling panic is closer to excitement than you thinkWhy your years of experience are the reason you were asked in the first place... and why time away from the work can be an advantage rather than a gapThe reframe that changes a speaker's whole nervous system: you're not performing, you're servingWhat my mentor said to me in a hallway outside a room full of strategy chiefs, four seconds before I walked inThe part of state management I usually leave out of my influence talks: that your state runs on four different clocks, and three of them are already finished by the time you start panickingThe two index cards that go under your camera (and why nobody has ever known they were there)How every one of these tips maps onto the Core Influence Framework™ - States, Frames, Patterns, Contexts KEY TAKEAWAYS You were brought in. Somebody looked at an agenda, found a gap, and decided the gap was the thing you do. That vote happened weeks ago, in a meeting you weren't in. You're the only one still counting.Performance and service send your body in opposite directions. Performance points your attention back at yourself. Service points all of it at them. Same room, same slides, different nervous system.Your state runs on four clocks, not one. Minutes (the tea, the walk, the song). Days (preparation). Years (experience). Decades (character). The five minutes before get all the attention and they're the smallest of the four.They don't know what you were going to say. They only know what you said. Every nervous speaker grieves the sentence they skipped. Nobody in the audience grieves with them.Points, not a script. Two index cards under the camera. One headed TAKE-HOME POINTS, one headed STORIES. Points you can glance at and elaborate... never sentences you'd read.Give them one thing to keep. When they ask for parting words, offer one. Maybe two. Never more than three. QUOTES "Ed. Ed. Ed. They need you more than you need them."- Dr. Mark Smith "You're not performing. You're serving." "They don't know what you were going to say. They only know what you said." "Nobody needs to know that you have notes right in front of your face." MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Dr. Mark Smith - mentor and former boss; the hallway conversation before the strategy retreat101 Ways to Manage Your State - the handout referenced in the original emailThe Core Influence Framework™ (SFPC) - States, Frames, Patterns, ContextsRule 1 of the 7 Simple Rules of Influence - Manage Your StateOn anxiety and excitement: the research behind this from Allison Woods Brooks that pre-performance anxiety and excitement are high-arousal states; what changes is how you read the arousal. Here's the citation and link: Brooks, A. W. (2014). Get excited: Reappraising pre-performance anxiety as excitement. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(3), 1144–1158. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0035325 LINKS Talk to my AI clone → DrTori.aiHow well do you actually listen? Take the quiz → listening.scoreapp.comTING - the deep listening framework → DrTori.com/tingInfluence immersion, 1-on-1 with Dr. Tori → drtori.com/coaching-application-1on1Everything else → DrTori.com TAGS / KEYWORDS public speaking anxiety · nervous before a presentation · webinar tips · guest speaker preparation · state management · manage your state · influence · communication · presentation nerves · podcast guest tips · Core Influence Framework™ · SFPC · 7 Simple Rules of Influence · Dr. Ed Tori · Influence Every Day
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    18 分
  • 071 They Didn't Steal Your Idea - It Was Cryptomnesia

    071 They Didn't Steal Your Idea - It Was Cryptomnesia
    2026/07/03
    071 They Didn't Steal Your Idea - It Was Cryptomnesia The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Tori Someone took credit for your work. Before you settle on a verdict, Dr. Tori has a confession - and a video from a fifth-grade play in the 1980s that dismantled his favorite origin story. It starts on the train to Georgetown. A distracted scroll lands Ed on a self-described body language expert quoting the famous "7-38-55 rule" (the claim that 93% of communication is nonverbal). If you've heard that statistic, here's what you may not have heard: it misreads Albert Mehrabian's 1967 studies (popularized through his 1971 book Silent Messages), which applied only to a narrow case — communications about feelings and attitudes, when words and tone conflict. Mehrabian himself has spent decades objecting to how the numbers are used. So Ed feels judgy. An expert should know better. Then he glances at his own open slide deck. The slide on screen reads: "Assume the best." What follows is the self-audit that slide demanded - the story of Saleem's Dream, the children's book series Ed was certain he created from scratch (a boy dreams his organs testify against him in court), and the elementary school video that proved the idea had been planted in him thirty years earlier. The phenomenon is called cryptomnesia: the memory of an idea survives while the memory of its source decays... so borrowed ideas honestly feel like your own. The expert quoting Mehrabian's misused numbers, Ed quoting borrowed jokes as his own, and the colleague who just said your idea in the meeting are likely all running the same very human software. In this episode: The Mehrabian myth: what the 7-38-55 rule actually measured, and why the researcher behind it says the popular version is wrongThe slide that corrected its author: "Assume the best"Saleem's Dream, Zachary Dachary, and the fifth-grade video that revealed where the "original" idea came fromCryptomnesia, defined: content memory survives, source memory decays, and the idea resurfaces as yours"You are a fraud" - the comedy-night moment Ed's wife caught every one of his jokes coming from Airplane and Steven WrightRule 1 of the 7 Simple Rules of Influence, and where Dr. Tori first heard itWhy we judge ourselves by our intent and others by their impactThe takeaway: cite your sources where you can, and when the source decays - give each other some grace. And give yourself some, too. Quotable: "The memory of the content is still there, but the memory of the source has decayed.""They may not have taken your idea. They may have heard your idea... and experienced it as their own.""Give each other some grace. And give yourself some grace." Links & Resources: How fluent are you at conversation? Take the quiz: HypnoticGiftsQuiz.comWork with Dr. Tori 1-on-1 - apply for an influence immersion: DrTori.com/coaching-application-1on1More from Dr. Tori: DrTori.com The Influence Every Day podcast is free - we don't sell advertising space, so sharing this episode with someone who needs it is the best way to pay it back. Better yet, it's the best way to pay it forward. If today's episode landed, take a moment to rate and review the show. Now go forth and influence for good. Every day.
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    11 分
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