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072 Nervous Before A Talk? Advice To A Friend

072 Nervous Before A Talk? Advice To A Friend

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Episode 072 Nervous Before A Talk? Advice To A Friend The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori Several months ago a colleague and friend reached out. She was about to appear as a guest speaker on a webinar and she was, in her words, incredibly anxious. Her email said something close to this: "You always say if you can ever serve me to let you know. Well, I'm letting you know." So I did two things. I offered her a practice run where she could present to me first. And I recorded her a video... ten points, off a single index card, no script. Over the next couple of months, a few other people asked me some version of the same question. I removed her name and every reference to her situation, and sent them the same video with one line: "I recorded this for someone else. Perhaps you'll find it helpful." Every one of them came back to say it helped. This episode is that video. If you have something coming up (a webinar, a panel, a podcast guest slot, a keynote, a board presentation) this is what I'd tell you if you emailed me the night before. Inside this episode: Why the feeling you're calling panic is closer to excitement than you thinkWhy your years of experience are the reason you were asked in the first place... and why time away from the work can be an advantage rather than a gapThe reframe that changes a speaker's whole nervous system: you're not performing, you're servingWhat my mentor said to me in a hallway outside a room full of strategy chiefs, four seconds before I walked inThe part of state management I usually leave out of my influence talks: that your state runs on four different clocks, and three of them are already finished by the time you start panickingThe two index cards that go under your camera (and why nobody has ever known they were there)How every one of these tips maps onto the Core Influence Framework™ - States, Frames, Patterns, Contexts KEY TAKEAWAYS You were brought in. Somebody looked at an agenda, found a gap, and decided the gap was the thing you do. That vote happened weeks ago, in a meeting you weren't in. You're the only one still counting.Performance and service send your body in opposite directions. Performance points your attention back at yourself. Service points all of it at them. Same room, same slides, different nervous system.Your state runs on four clocks, not one. Minutes (the tea, the walk, the song). Days (preparation). Years (experience). Decades (character). The five minutes before get all the attention and they're the smallest of the four.They don't know what you were going to say. They only know what you said. Every nervous speaker grieves the sentence they skipped. Nobody in the audience grieves with them.Points, not a script. Two index cards under the camera. One headed TAKE-HOME POINTS, one headed STORIES. Points you can glance at and elaborate... never sentences you'd read.Give them one thing to keep. When they ask for parting words, offer one. Maybe two. Never more than three. QUOTES "Ed. Ed. Ed. They need you more than you need them."- Dr. Mark Smith "You're not performing. You're serving." "They don't know what you were going to say. They only know what you said." "Nobody needs to know that you have notes right in front of your face." MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Dr. Mark Smith - mentor and former boss; the hallway conversation before the strategy retreat101 Ways to Manage Your State - the handout referenced in the original emailThe Core Influence Framework™ (SFPC) - States, Frames, Patterns, ContextsRule 1 of the 7 Simple Rules of Influence - Manage Your StateOn anxiety and excitement: the research behind this from Allison Woods Brooks that pre-performance anxiety and excitement are high-arousal states; what changes is how you read the arousal. Here's the citation and link: Brooks, A. W. (2014). Get excited: Reappraising pre-performance anxiety as excitement. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(3), 1144–1158. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0035325 LINKS Talk to my AI clone → DrTori.aiHow well do you actually listen? Take the quiz → listening.scoreapp.comTING - the deep listening framework → DrTori.com/tingInfluence immersion, 1-on-1 with Dr. Tori → drtori.com/coaching-application-1on1Everything else → DrTori.com TAGS / KEYWORDS public speaking anxiety · nervous before a presentation · webinar tips · guest speaker preparation · state management · manage your state · influence · communication · presentation nerves · podcast guest tips · Core Influence Framework™ · SFPC · 7 Simple Rules of Influence · Dr. Ed Tori · Influence Every Day
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