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In this powerful conversation, former special education teacher and parent coach Amy Dooley joins Andi to explore what it really means to parent from a place of connection, not control. Amy shares her personal shift from traditional classroom discipline to connection-based parenting, and how that journey led her to support parents in transforming their own limiting beliefs.

Key Takeaways:

• Behavior is a signal, not the problem. When kids act out, it’s often a cry for safety, not defiance.
• You are worthy, even in the mess. Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent—they need a present one.
• Parenting shifts begin with self-work. To truly support your child, start by noticing and healing your own patterns.
• Control isn’t connection. Old-school discipline methods may suppress behavior, but they don't meet your child’s underlying needs.
• Safety comes before strategies. When your child feels seen and supported, their nervous system calms—and so does yours.

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] – Welcome + Amy's background as a teacher and homeschool parent

[02:00] – Early career belief: “Control = good teaching”

[04:50] – The moment Amy realized she wasn’t seeing the child—just the behavior

[06:30] – The Coke bottle metaphor: why behavior is the symptom, not the problem

[08:30] – Shifting from labeling kids to understanding them

[10:00] – Step one: Assigning positive intent to your child

[12:30] – Why parents must start with their own healing

[14:10] – “I am worthy. Period.” and what today’s kids are demanding

[16:00] – Parenting through generational change

[17:50] – The screwdriver and screw analogy: why parent shifts must come first

[20:00] – Why Amy left the classroom to work with parents

[22:30] – A child’s progress is limited when the home foundation is shaky

[25:30] – How presence—not perfection—builds trust

[28:00] – Feeling like you’re not enough as a parent

[30:00] – What “being enough” really looks like in the messiest moments

[33:00] – Why your own regulation matters more than the strategy

[35:00] – Amy’s story of timing meltdowns vs. being present

[37:00] – When you shift, your child’s behavior shifts too

[39:00] – Forgiving your former self and building new tools

[42:00] – The parenting purse analogy: replacing outdated tools

[45:30] – Final message: You are worthy. Your mess doesn’t disqualify you.

Resources Mentioned:

💡 Amy Dooley's Free Quiz: Discover your parenting strengths and get 3 connection-based strategies: