If you’ve ever felt forced to be “the understanding one” while your heart keeps bleeding, this conversation will feel like oxygen. Kim and John dive straight into the cost of kid gloves after betrayal—how minimizing, DARVO, and conflict avoidance prolong pain—and what it actually takes to restore safety. We draw a sharp line between confidence and self awareness, unpack how trauma bonds keep partners stuck, and name the moment the betrayed spouse chooses reality over appeasement.

You’ll hear a clear framework for boundaries and consequences that isn’t about punishment—it’s about safety. We break down the four healthy responses every betraying partner must practice: listen without defense, ask what’s needed, act immediately with proactive transparency, and accept that trust is earned over time. Through a vivid boat analogy, we show why constant course corrections don’t work if the person steering denies the storm, and why stepping into community—therapy, groups, coaching—often becomes the turning point. Healing accelerates when witnesses help separate facts from gaslighting and teach steady presence in conflict.

Throughout, we return to the core truth: reconciliation requires accountability. Sobriety without honesty won’t rebuild trust. Integrity isn’t a speech; it’s a daily pattern of calm, consistent, boring choices that prove safety. If you’re the betrayed partner, expect to hear validation, language for boundaries, and encouragement to stop managing someone else’s emotions. If you’re the betrayer, expect a path forward that is hard, humbling, and absolutely possible.

If this resonates, share it with someone who needs courage today. Subscribe, leave a review to support the show, and tell us: what boundary or action step are you ready to take next?

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

I Stopped Acting Out… So Why Do I Still Act Like a Jerk? (The Arrogance Trap in Recovery)

Sobriety stops the behavior, but does it actually make your partner feel safe? We go straight at the hard stuff: why pride can feel like progress, how “ego doping” keeps the reward system hooked, and what real humility looks like when the acting out ends but healing hasn’t begun. Kim and John unpack the difference between dry sobriety and meaningful recovery, naming the subtle dynamics that quietly wreck trust—minimizing, spiritual bypassing, scorekeeping, and defending intentions instead of owning impact.

We don’t stay theoretical. You’ll hear a practical path forward: a handwritten daily inventory that targets selfishness, fear, and dishonesty; direct amends for recovery behaviors like impatience and stonewalling; and a weekly ritual where you ask, “Where was I arrogant or insensitive this week?” and listen without defending. We talk about practicing being wrong on purpose, saying “I don’t know,” and building a support circle that tells you the truth instead of nodding along. You’ll also hear an anchoring question that reshapes the entire journey: if you stayed exactly as unhealed and proud as you are today, even while staying sober, would your partner feel safe and loved?

Rooted in faith and real-world recovery work, this conversation blends scripture’s call to humility with trauma-aware repair skills couples can use right away. Expect candor, tension, and hope as we map how humility becomes the engine of change—replacing ego with empathy and making room for trust to grow back. If you’re ready to trade pride for peace and sobriety for safety, press play and take the next honest step with us.

If this resonated, subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help others find the show. Your story could be the hope someone else is searching for.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

Change isn’t hard because you’re weak; it’s hard because it rewires how you survive. We open up about the messy middle of recovery after sexual betrayal and infidelity, where deep ruts—neural and emotional—fight to keep things the same. Together we unpack why willpower alone fails, how dopamine trains the brain to cling to secrecy and validation, and why early sobriety can feel painfully flat compared to the highs of acting out. Naming the biology clears shame and gives us a plan.

We also draw a firm, necessary line around encouragement. Contrast changes people more than conflict, but timing is everything. Encouragement can pull a willing partner toward risk and growth only when honesty and safety are present. If blame, defensiveness, or deceit continue, the betrayed spouse is in the ICU; their job is not to inspire the person who hurt them. We lay out a simple intimacy pyramid—honesty, safety, trust, vulnerability, intimacy—that keeps recovery grounded. Expecting closeness without the base is a setup for more pain.

From there, we share five non‑negotiables that make change stick: daily recovery work, rigorous honesty that kills secrecy, trauma healing for the roots beneath behavior, building a new identity in sobriety with words and actions, and radical acceptance that your spouse may never trust you again—and recovery must stand regardless. We also talk through real-life moments where small, sincere actions soften hard soil, and when boundaries or separation are the most loving choice. We pray you’ll leave with clarity, hope anchored to practice, and next steps you can start today.

If this helped, subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find the show. Ready for support? Connect with us at www.hurtmeetshealer.com and tell us what you want us to tackle next.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.