A third of adults have never once talked to their partner about sex. Not once. Is that because we've never been taught HOW to have THAT conversation?

We think so, and it's one of the conversations we struggle with too.

That being a good enough reason to tackle this subject aside, here's another reason: the cost of not talking about it isn't just bad sex, it's needs quietly going unmet, resentment slowly building, and eventually someone deciding they'd rather find what they need elsewhere.

This is an important episode for an important conversation and to help us navigate it, we (that's Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum) are joined by Amy Terwilleger, a licensed US attorney and certified sex and relationship coach, to talk about why the conversation about sex is so hard, how to actually talk to your partner about it, what it costs us not to have it, and what it actually takes to start. Amy works with individuals and couples across the full spectrum of modern relationships, from intimacy and desire to conflict, separation, and rebuilding after divorce. She is, it turns out, exactly the person you want in the room when two rather British women are trying to get over their knickers-in-a-twist discomfort about the whole subject.

This episode covers the shame and stigma that keeps the conversation locked down; why our sex education left a gap that pornography filled badly; the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire (and why the pizza analogy helps explain it); the bucket list but for sex; why faking orgasm is a communication problem; what body image is doing to our sex lives; how to have the conversation when your partner doesn't want to; and what Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity tells us about mystery, separateness, and why time apart might be the best thing you can do for your sex life.

Victoria admits to palpitations. Sarah admits to being quieter than usual. And Amy's closing line is one of our best!

⚠️ This episode contains adult content and is intended for mature audiences. It also includes an honest discussion of sexual trauma and its impact.

Amy Terwilleger - licensed US attorney and certified sex and relationship coach. Amy helps individuals and couples navigate the full spectrum of modern relationships, from intimacy and connection to conflict, separation, and rebuilding. She works with clients on communication, desire, body image, sexual confidence, and ethical non-monogamy.

Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

Esther Perel – Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence https://www.estherperel.com/books

Mugs that make connections with a conversation starter on the front, and a follow-up prompt on the back. Perfect for keeping the tea and the conversation flowing. Buy them here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/conversationwarmers

Before you said a single word today, someone had already formed an opinion about your competence, your status, and whether you could be trusted. We've all been told never to judge a book by its cover, and yet researchers tell us we do it anyway, in a fraction of a second, before a handshake, before a hello.

So what exactly are your clothes saying? And more importantly, is it what you intend?

In this episode, Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum are joined by Stacie Baillie - an ICF-trained coach, leadership advisor, image consultant, certified makeup artist, and founder of Radiant Mirror, who has spent 30 years inside some of the world's largest global organisations watching how the way people show up quietly makes or breaks careers. The conversation covers the secret language of clothing: why 93% of communication is non-verbal and what that means for what you put on in the morning; the sumptuary laws of medieval England (yes, you could be fined for wearing the wrong colour); how the post-Covid collapse of formal dress codes has made the unwritten rules harder to read, not easier; and why a well-fitted jacket can literally change your posture and therefore how the world responds to you.

Along the way: a Savile Row tailor's verdict on why fit matters more than labels; why King Charles may have worn chalk stripe to the US Senate on purpose; the VP who was being held back not by her work but by her wardrobe; and the single button on a senior woman's blouse that research shows was enough to reduce perceptions of her competence significantly.

This episode also wrestles with the tensions that sit underneath all of it: between self-expression and conformity, between dressing for yourself and dressing for others, between the freedom to wear what you like and the reality that you will be judged for it regardless. Stacie's closing advice is both practical and kind.

Part two - what specific items of clothing and colours are actually signalling to the people around you - is coming. But start here.

Stacie Baillie: ICF-trained coach, leadership advisor, image consultant, and certified makeup artist. Founder of Radiant Mirror, which offers coaching, leadership development, and influence and image consulting. Stacie spent 30 years working in senior roles at some of the world’s largest global organisations, including banking and consulting, before founding Radiant Mirror to help people bridge the gap between how they see themselves and how the world sees them. You can contact her via her website: www.radiantmirror.ca

Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

Do you find talking to strangers a challenge?

You're not alone.

Researchers at the University of Chicago put commuters on trains and buses and asked some of them to strike up a conversation with the stranger next to them. The ones who did reported significantly happier journeys, every single time. And yet when they asked a separate group beforehand whether they’d enjoy it, almost everyone said no. They predicted feeling awkward or unwanted. They were wrong, but the fear was so convincing, they believed it anyway.

And yet, for the sake of your health and sanity, you need to find a way to overcome that fear of striking up a conversation and building rapport - connecting - with anyone.

One in six people worldwide is now affected by loneliness. Around 100 deaths happen every hour as a result. The WHO has declared social connection a public health crisis on a par with obesity and smoking. And yet 75% of us say nothing replaces human connection. We have more ways to reach each other than any generation that has ever lived and we are lonelier than ever.

In this episode, hosts Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum are joined by Anitra Irrera - BBC Radio Kent broadcast journalist, reporter and producer - to explore the art and science of rapport: what it actually is, why we find it so terrifying, and what it takes to build genuine connection with a complete stranger. Anitra has spent her career doing the thing most of us dread - walking up to people she has never met and getting them to open up, whether that’s a grieving family, a hostile politician, or a reluctant celebrity who clearly doesn’t want to be there.

This episode covers the neuroscience of eye contact, smiling, and mirror neurons; why mirroring someone’s energy and pace builds instant trust (and why this is both a teaching tool in NLP and, some would argue, a dark art); how the fear of rejection is wired into us at a survival level, and how to override it; the Norwegian approach to directness and what the British can learn from it; why digital connection is not the same as the real thing neurologically; and the single most powerful thing you can do to build rapport with anyone, anywhere. Spoiler alert - it involves swearing but not in the way you might think.

If you’ve ever found yourself staring at your phone to avoid making eye contact on the tube, this one’s for you. Because every person you’ve ever loved was once a stranger. Every single one.

Anitra Irrera - BBC Radio Kent broadcast journalist, reporter and producer. Originally from Bergen in Norway, Anitra holds a degree in Psychology and Anthropology and has spent her career building rapport under pressure: from music interviews to political reporting to live broadcasting. She is also a teacher.

Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

Research mentioned in this episode

• University of Chicago commuter study - Epley & Schroeder (2014), ‘Mistakenly seeking solitude’, Journal of Experimental Psychology: General
• WHO report on loneliness as a global public health priority (2023)
• Mirror neurons and social connection - Rizzolatti & Craighero (2004), Annual Review of Neuroscience

NLP and rapport

• NLP World — introduction to matching, mirroring and rapport – https://www.nlpworld.co.uk
• Psychology Today — The Science of Rapport – https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/rapport

The 100 days of rejection experiment

• Jia Jiang – ‘Rejection Proof’ TED Talk https://www.ted.com/talks/jia_jiang_what_i_learned_from_100_days_of_rejection

Loneliness and social connection

• WHO — Social isolation and loneliness – https://www.who.int/teams/mental-health-and-substance-use/promotion-prevention/social-connection
• Campaign to End Loneliness (UK) – https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org