In this episode, Sarah Wright and Dr. Victoria Stakelum explore the inner dialogue that shapes everything: your confidence, your decisions, your relationships, and your ability to have difficult conversations.

We unpack where your inner critic comes from (spoiler: it was formed in childhood, and it thinks it's helping), how to tell the difference between fear-based chatter and genuine gut instinct, and what to do when that voice in your head is holding you back.

You'll learn why trying to silence your inner critic backfires, what you can do so it loses its grip, and the ABC technique for regulating yourself in the moment. Plus: the surprising power of giving your inner critic a name, why affirmations can make things worse if you don't believe them, and how journaling with your non-dominant hand might unlock answers your conscious mind can't reach.

If you've ever beaten yourself up after a meeting, talked yourself out of something you wanted, or wondered why you can't just think more positively—this one's for you.

Topics covered:

• What a “conversation with yourself” really is and why we’re all doing it (whether we notice it or not).
• Why the tone and volume of your self-talk matters for wellbeing and relationships.
• How to spot when you’re being hijacked in a conversation (mental and physical signs).
• A simple regulation framework you can use anywhere: Awareness → Breath → Choice.
• How to work with (not against) your inner critic, including naming it and understanding what it’s trying to do for you.
• Why “positive affirmations” can backfire and how to do realism-based positivity instead.
• Practical ways to externalise your thoughts: journaling, speaking out loud, and prompts that take you deeper.

Guest Information

• Dr. Victoria Stakelum - Psychologist & Mindset Coach
• Sarah Wright - Communications & Creative Strategist
• Victoria's Oracle Cards: Available at thesuccesssmith.com under Launchpad

Contact / listener questions

Have a conversational conundrum or a question sparked by this episode? Email the show at ABloodyGoodConversation@gmail.com .

In this follow-up Q&A, communications consultant Sarah Wright and psychologist and mindset coach Dr Victoria Stakelum answer listener questions sparked by the episode “Why do conversations feel so hard right now?” Together, they explore why modern digital life speeds up our brains, how emotions and subconscious triggers derail what we’re trying to say, and what to do when miscommunication happens. You’ll hear practical tools for slowing down in high-stakes moments, regulating your nervous system, improving clarity, and bringing “clean energy” into important conversations.

• A simple way to slow your speaking without losing your thinking
• Why “I’m fine” rarely lands.
• The difference between regulation and repression, and how to name emotions without blaming.
• A practical NLP tool to reduce conflict and widen perspective. (NLP World)
• How modern messaging trains us into instant-response habits (and how to retrain expectations).
• How to build patience through nervous system practice.
• How to spot miscommunication early and the receiver/sender checks that prevent escalation.
• What “cup-filling conversations” look like (past, present, future), and why they matter.
• What “clean energy” is and how to stop emotional agenda hijacking outcomes.

• Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine (referenced in the episode in the context of emotional channels / “PQ”). (Positive Intelligence)
• Perceptual Positions (NLP) – perspective-shifting technique discussed in the episode. (NLP World)

Send your questions to ABloodyGoodConversation@gmail.com.

If you're dating in 2026 and wondering how to start a conversation, avoid dating fatigue, and actually find someone you're compatible with, this episode is for you.

Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum are joined by Lydia Hoey, matchmaking director at Maclynn International and a science-based dating coach, to talk about how modern dating is changing - including the slightly alarming rise of AI companionship (72% of American teenagers have now interacted with an AI companion, and Meta is building chatbots to fill the ‘romantic gap’) - and what still matters most: real-world connection, values, and the ability to communicate clearly.

In this episode, we discuss how to approach modern dating with more clarity and less stress: how to define your values (properly, not just picking words), how to choose first-date settings that reduce awkwardness and increase connection, and how to avoid turning a date into an interview. You'll get practical conversation openers to keep things light and engaging, guidance on dating mindset (switching out of "work mode"), and tools for navigating the messy bits - like mixed signals, texting "rules", attachment styles, and how to end things kindly without ghosting.

Lydia Hoey - Matchmaking Director at Maclynn International, and a qualified science-based dating coach and matchmaker. https://maclynninternational.com/

Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

Attachment styles

• Psychology Today – Relationship Attachment Style Test (UK): https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/tests/relationships/relationship-attachment-style-test
• Attachment Project – Attachment Style Quiz: https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/

Love languages

• The 5 Love Languages® – Official Love Language Quiz: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

Communication style

• Verywell Mind – Communication Style Quiz: https://www.verywellmind.com/take-the-communication-style-quiz-7973143

36 Questions

• This site has them all: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness

Films referenced

• Hitch (2005) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0386588/
• Swingers (1996) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/
• When Harry Met Sally... (1989) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098635/