A third of adults have never once talked to their partner about sex. Not once. Is that because we've never been taught HOW to have THAT conversation?

We think so, and it's one of the conversations we struggle with too.

That being a good enough reason to tackle this subject aside, here's another reason: the cost of not talking about it isn't just bad sex, it's needs quietly going unmet, resentment slowly building, and eventually someone deciding they'd rather find what they need elsewhere.

This is an important episode for an important conversation and to help us navigate it, we (that's Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum) are joined by Amy Terwilleger, a licensed US attorney and certified sex and relationship coach, to talk about why the conversation about sex is so hard, how to actually talk to your partner about it, what it costs us not to have it, and what it actually takes to start. Amy works with individuals and couples across the full spectrum of modern relationships, from intimacy and desire to conflict, separation, and rebuilding after divorce. She is, it turns out, exactly the person you want in the room when two rather British women are trying to get over their knickers-in-a-twist discomfort about the whole subject.

This episode covers the shame and stigma that keeps the conversation locked down; why our sex education left a gap that pornography filled badly; the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire (and why the pizza analogy helps explain it); the bucket list but for sex; why faking orgasm is a communication problem; what body image is doing to our sex lives; how to have the conversation when your partner doesn't want to; and what Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity tells us about mystery, separateness, and why time apart might be the best thing you can do for your sex life.

Victoria admits to palpitations. Sarah admits to being quieter than usual. And Amy's closing line is one of our best!

⚠️ This episode contains adult content and is intended for mature audiences. It also includes an honest discussion of sexual trauma and its impact.

Amy Terwilleger - licensed US attorney and certified sex and relationship coach. Amy helps individuals and couples navigate the full spectrum of modern relationships, from intimacy and connection to conflict, separation, and rebuilding. She works with clients on communication, desire, body image, sexual confidence, and ethical non-monogamy.

Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

Esther Perel – Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence https://www.estherperel.com/books

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