In this episode, Sarah Wright and Dr. Victoria Stakelum explore the inner dialogue that shapes everything: your confidence, your decisions, your relationships, and your ability to have difficult conversations.

We unpack where your inner critic comes from (spoiler: it was formed in childhood, and it thinks it's helping), how to tell the difference between fear-based chatter and genuine gut instinct, and what to do when that voice in your head is holding you back.

You'll learn why trying to silence your inner critic backfires, what you can do so it loses its grip, and the ABC technique for regulating yourself in the moment. Plus: the surprising power of giving your inner critic a name, why affirmations can make things worse if you don't believe them, and how journaling with your non-dominant hand might unlock answers your conscious mind can't reach.

If you've ever beaten yourself up after a meeting, talked yourself out of something you wanted, or wondered why you can't just think more positively—this one's for you.

Topics covered:

• What a “conversation with yourself” really is and why we’re all doing it (whether we notice it or not).
• Why the tone and volume of your self-talk matters for wellbeing and relationships.
• How to spot when you’re being hijacked in a conversation (mental and physical signs).
• A simple regulation framework you can use anywhere: Awareness → Breath → Choice.
• How to work with (not against) your inner critic, including naming it and understanding what it’s trying to do for you.
• Why “positive affirmations” can backfire and how to do realism-based positivity instead.
• Practical ways to externalise your thoughts: journaling, speaking out loud, and prompts that take you deeper.

Guest Information

• Dr. Victoria Stakelum - Psychologist & Mindset Coach
• Sarah Wright - Communications & Creative Strategist
• Victoria's Oracle Cards: Available at thesuccesssmith.com under Launchpad

Contact / listener questions

Have a conversational conundrum or a question sparked by this episode? Email the show at ABloodyGoodConversation@gmail.com .

In this follow-up Q&A, communications consultant Sarah Wright and psychologist and mindset coach Dr Victoria Stakelum answer listener questions sparked by the episode “Why do conversations feel so hard right now?” Together, they explore why modern digital life speeds up our brains, how emotions and subconscious triggers derail what we’re trying to say, and what to do when miscommunication happens. You’ll hear practical tools for slowing down in high-stakes moments, regulating your nervous system, improving clarity, and bringing “clean energy” into important conversations.

• A simple way to slow your speaking without losing your thinking
• Why “I’m fine” rarely lands.
• The difference between regulation and repression, and how to name emotions without blaming.
• A practical NLP tool to reduce conflict and widen perspective. (NLP World)
• How modern messaging trains us into instant-response habits (and how to retrain expectations).
• How to build patience through nervous system practice.
• How to spot miscommunication early and the receiver/sender checks that prevent escalation.
• What “cup-filling conversations” look like (past, present, future), and why they matter.
• What “clean energy” is and how to stop emotional agenda hijacking outcomes.

• Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine (referenced in the episode in the context of emotional channels / “PQ”). (Positive Intelligence)
• Perceptual Positions (NLP) – perspective-shifting technique discussed in the episode. (NLP World)

Send your questions to ABloodyGoodConversation@gmail.com.

If you're dating in 2026 and wondering how to start a conversation, avoid dating fatigue, and actually find someone you're compatible with, this episode is for you.

Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum are joined by Lydia Hoey, matchmaking director at Maclynn International and a science-based dating coach, to talk about how modern dating is changing - including the slightly alarming rise of AI companionship (72% of American teenagers have now interacted with an AI companion, and Meta is building chatbots to fill the ‘romantic gap’) - and what still matters most: real-world connection, values, and the ability to communicate clearly.

In this episode, we discuss how to approach modern dating with more clarity and less stress: how to define your values (properly, not just picking words), how to choose first-date settings that reduce awkwardness and increase connection, and how to avoid turning a date into an interview. You'll get practical conversation openers to keep things light and engaging, guidance on dating mindset (switching out of "work mode"), and tools for navigating the messy bits - like mixed signals, texting "rules", attachment styles, and how to end things kindly without ghosting.

Lydia Hoey - Matchmaking Director at Maclynn International, and a qualified science-based dating coach and matchmaker. https://maclynninternational.com/

Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

Attachment styles

• Psychology Today – Relationship Attachment Style Test (UK): https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/tests/relationships/relationship-attachment-style-test
• Attachment Project – Attachment Style Quiz: https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/

Love languages

• The 5 Love Languages® – Official Love Language Quiz: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

Communication style

• Verywell Mind – Communication Style Quiz: https://www.verywellmind.com/take-the-communication-style-quiz-7973143

36 Questions

• This site has them all: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness

Films referenced

• Hitch (2005) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0386588/
• Swingers (1996) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/
• When Harry Met Sally... (1989) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098635/

Have you noticed that conversations feel more rushed, reactive and emotionally loaded than ever before?

It’s not just you. That’s why, in this episode, we (that’s communications consultant, Sarah Wright, and psychologist and mindset coach, Dr Victoria Stakelum) explore the real reasons communication has become so challenging: from the speed of modern life to nervous system overload, digital disconnection, and the pressure to respond instantly.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why time feels faster and how this impacts the way we think
• How technology affects our nervous systems and patience
• Why we’re “connected” but still lonely
• The one simple shift that instantly improves every conversation
• How energy, not wording, shapes how you’re received
• The role of rapport with others and yourself
• How slowing down can transform conflict, communication, and connection.

This episode is for anyone who wants calmer, richer, more meaningful conversations at work, at home, and everywhere in between. In it, we reference:

• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People — Stephen R. Covey
• The Trust Technique – www.thetrusttechnique.com
• Laura Lynne Jackson – ww. lauralynnejackson.com
• 100 Ways to Raise Your Vibration – Victoria’s pdf can be downloaded here: https://thesuccesssmith.thrivecart.com/100ways

We’d genuinely love to hear your experiences. Please share what you tried, what shifted, or any questions you’d like us to cover in future episodes by emailing abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

Enjoy the episode.

From dating to doing business, negotiating a pay rise to haggling over bedtimes, conversations shape everything: your career, your connections, your confidence. But while we all learned to talk as toddlers, no one really taught us how to have good conversations, the kind where you feel heard, understood, and genuinely connected.

If you’ve ever found yourself:

• • tongue-tied in a difficult conversation
  • replaying an argument in your head for days
  • dodging tricky chats at work or at home
  • stuck in small talk when you want something deeper

…this podcast is for you.

Why this podcast matters now

We’re living in a time of constant connection and growing disconnection. Research shows that:

• Around half of UK adults report feeling lonely, even when surrounded by others
• Only a small proportion of our daily conversations are truly meaningful, most are just logistics and small talk
• Smartphones and screens are eroding our face-to-face communication skills and attention.

School taught us how to perform and achieve. It didn’t teach us how to listen, how to disagree well, how to set boundaries, or how to talk about things that really matter. Culture often treats conversation as polite chit-chat or intellectual debate, not as a tool for emotional connection, repair, and understanding.

This podcast exists to change that.

Meet your hosts

Join two curious conversationalists:

• Dr Victoria Stakelum – psychologist and mindset coach, specialising in the subconscious mind, emotions, and how we relate to ourselves and others
• Sarah Wright – communications consultant, creative strategist, and conversation curator

Together, they explore how to have a bloody good conversation, at work, at home, in relationships, and in all those moments we’d secretly rather avoid.

The topic of conversation

In Series 1, Sarah and seasoned journalist Mai Davies explored the art of conversation, including:

• When and how to use humour in conversation
• How to handle conflict effectively (without burning bridges
• How to listen so people feel truly heard
• How to read a room and pick your moment
• How to talk about things that matter – from work disagreements and family tensions to death, cultural identity, and negotiating under pressure.

Now, previous guest, Dr Victoria Stakelum, joins as co-host to give a different perspective using her experience drawn from her corporate life running million-pound businesses and current occupation as psychologist and mindset coach. Through real-life examples and practical tools, she shares why:

• Self-awareness is the foundation of every bloody good conversation
• Curiosity and empathy – stepping into someone else’s shoes – are non-negotiable
• Better conversations don’t start with control; they start with noticing your own reactions, regulating your energy, and staying calm under pressure

Why conversation skills matter

Conversation is something we do together. The best conversations happen when both people feel safe, equipped, and able to bring their full selves to the table.

When we lose the art of conversation, we all lose: misunderstandings grow, resentment builds, and we drift further away from the people who matter most.

This podcast was created to help us all:

• have better, braver conversations
• navigate conflict and difference with more confidence
• end conversations in a way that feels good for everyone – heard, understood, and genuinely connected.

If you’re looking for a conversation skills podcast that’s practical, warm, honest, and real, hit follow and join us as we learn the art of meaningful dialogue – one bloody good conversation at a time.

What if storytelling could help you navigate the hardest conversations of your life?

In this episode, we're joined by Chris Adriaanse, author of To The Heart of Difficult Conversations - a beautifully poignant anthology co-created with Berwick Literary Festival, Create Berwick, and students at Berwick Academy in Northumberland.

Inspired by an ancient border-side plaque commemorating uneasy meetings between English and Scottish monarchs, this remarkable collection blends local history, folklore, and raw teenage insight on what it means to tackle tough talks.

From chemistry lab to storytelling stage, Chris has discovered something profound about human nature: the conversations we avoid don't disappear, they fester. In this episode, Chris shares his remarkable journey and the wisdom gleaned from working with 13 to 14-year-olds who wrote with startling honesty about the difficult conversations in their lives.

What You'll Learn:

• The Drop of Honey: How avoided conversations escalate into life-changing consequences
• The Beast in the Bean Garden: What we lose when we avoid difficult people and conversations
• Spells vs Stories: Breaking free from the endless narratives keeping you stuck
• Positive Language: Why saying what you want (not what you don't want) changes everything
• Emotional Regulation: Walking slowly into difficult conversations instead of reacting

This episode is for you if you've been putting off a difficult conversation for weeks, months, or even years, and you're tired of avoiding certain people or topics because they feel too hard to address. Whether you want to stop tiptoeing around issues and start addressing them head-on, or you're curious about why some conversations feel so scary even when they shouldn't, this episode offers practical tools for staying calm and regulated during tense discussions. If you're ready to break free from the stories that keep you stuck in old patterns and believe that better conversations can transform your relationships and your life, this episode will give you a completely fresh perspective on the conversations you've been avoiding.

Guest Bio: Chris Adriaanse transitioned from chemistry PhD to professional storyteller, combining scientific thinking with ancient wisdom. His collaborative book project with Berwick Literary Festival captures authentic teenage voices navigating difficult conversations.

Links:

• Book: "To the Heart of Difficult Conversations" available to buy from Chris's website, www.chrisadriaanse.co.uk

How do you start a conversation with someone from a different race, culture, or background without saying the wrong thing? It's a question that paralyses many of us in our increasingly diverse workplaces, schools, and communities. We're so afraid of offending that we often avoid meaningful connections entirely.

In this episode, we're joined by Claudia McKenzie, General Manager of Park's Edge Bar and Kitchen in South London and former PR executive, who brings both personal experience and practical wisdom to one of our most challenging social dynamics.

Claudia's story spans generations - from her parents' journey from Jamaica in the 1960s, facing "No Blacks, No Dogs, No Irish" signs while helping rebuild post-war Britain, to her own experiences navigating predominantly white spaces as a successful Black British professional. Her perspective is both unflinching about barriers and refreshingly pragmatic about solutions.

We explore the infamous Buckingham Palace "Where are you really from?" incident, discuss why conversations about race feel harder now despite social progress, and tackle the fear that stops us from reaching across cultural divides. Claudia's advice? "We all just need to get a grip and remember that most people are simply curious about each other”.

This conversation we hope will change how you approach cross-cultural communication, whether you're building workplace relationships, making friends in your community, or simply want to connect more authentically with people who look different from you.

This Episode is For You If you want to build better relationships across racial and cultural differences, feel nervous about saying the wrong thing in diverse environments, lead teams with people from various backgrounds, want to understand the Black British experience better, are curious about how historical context affects current conversations, work in multicultural settings, or simply want to be more confident connecting with people who don't look like you.

Guest Bio: Claudia McKenzie is the co-owner and General Manager of Park's Edge Bar and Kitchen in Herne Hill, South London, known for its exceptional Jamaican-British fusion cuisine. A former PR executive with extensive experience in corporate communications, Claudia brings unique insights to cross-cultural dialogue shaped by her family's journey from 1960s Jamaica to modern Britain. She's passionate about authentic conversation and building bridges across differences.

Key Topics Covered:

• The Windrush generation and post-war Caribbean immigration to Britain
• Systemic barriers and the "work twice as hard" reality
• Strategic naming choices and professional advancement
• The Buckingham Palace incident: intention vs. impact
• Social media's effect on racial discourse
• Workplace diversity and inclusion conversations
• Historical context for current racial tensions
• Building authentic relationships across cultural differences

Connect with Claudia:

• Park's Edge Bar and Kitchen, 49-51 Norwood Road, Herne Hill, London SE24 9AA
• Book here: https://parksedgebarandkitchen.com/ or by calling 0208 671 0306 or emailing info@parksedgebnk.com
• Instagram: @parksedgebarandkitchen
• Facebook: @parksedgebarandkitchen

Death is the one certainty we all share, yet most of us are terrible at talking about it. Whether it's supporting a grieving friend, having end-of-life conversations with family, or processing our own mortality, we stumble through these moments with stock phrases and uncomfortable silences.

In this episode, we're joined by Kate Nolan-Burgess, a grief and identity coach who helps people navigate the many forms grief can take - from bereavement to major life transitions. Kate brings a unique cultural perspective, having grown up in Poland, where death felt woven into everyday life, before moving to the UK, where arguably it's hidden behind euphemisms and avoidance.

We explore why Western culture has made grief harder than it needs to be, what other cultures can teach us about death and mourning, and practical advice for having better conversations around loss. Kate shares insights from her Master's in Death, Religion and Culture, as well as from her work supporting people through The Lost Self Club.

From understanding why we use euphemisms like 'passed away' to learning what NOT to say to someone who's grieving, this episode provides essential skills for one of life's most challenging conversations.

What You'll Learn:

• Why there's no "right way" to grieve and how cultural rituals can help
• The harmful phrases that make grief harder (and what to say instead)
• How to support someone who's grieving without managing their emotions
• Why euphemisms for death reveal our cultural discomfort
• The concept of "Swedish Death Cleaning" and preparing for mortality
• How to talk to children about death honestly and clearly
• Practical phrases for acknowledging grief and loss
• The difference between grief support in individualistic vs. community cultures

This Episode is For You if you want to better support friends, family, or colleagues through loss, struggle with what to say when someone is grieving, are interested in cultural approaches to death and mourning, want to have more honest conversations about mortality, are supporting someone through a major life transition, work in healthcare, counselling, or people management, or are curious about death-positive approaches to end-of-life conversations.

Guest Bio: Kate Nolan-Burgess is a grief and identity coach who helps people navigate loss in all its forms. She holds a Master's in Death, Religion and Culture and founded The Lost Self Club, supporting new mothers through identity transitions. Drawing on a culturally diverse background and lived experience, her work centres on helping people understand that grief isn't a problem to solve but a natural human experience to honour.

Resources Mentioned:

• The Lost Self Club (Kate's programme for new mothers)
• Swedish Death Cleaning concept
• Polish cultural mourning practices
• The problematic "five stages of grief" model

Connect with Kate:

• Instagram: @TheLostSelfClub
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kate-nolan-burgess/;
• Website: www.thelostselfclub.com