I've spent years studying the words of thousands of criminals and people under pressure. And in all that time one of the most consistent things I've found is that the words someone chooses are the words that matter to them. Change those words and you've changed the meaning, at least in their head. In this episode of How Words Work, I look at two things that make the person you're talking to feel genuinely heard. Using their name. And using their words. Not a polished version of what they said. Not your interpretation of it. The actual words they chose. Because those words are how they see the thing. And when you use them back, it makes a difference.

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I've spent years studying the words of thousands of criminals and people under pressure. And one of the most revealing moments in any conversation isn't the answer someone gives. It's what happens in the seconds before. Do they let the question finish? Do they start with the answer or manage it first? Do they say I don't know when they don't know?

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I say honestly all the time and I'm not a liar. I know. And this episode is for you. The patterns this podcast pulls apart in criminals and manipulators show up in honest, well-intentioned people every single day. Not because those people are deceptive. Because they're nervous. Because they lack confidence in that moment. Because they're trying to please the person they're talking to. And the person listening can't tell the difference. Their brain has spent a lifetime building a library of how bad people sound. And when your words match that library, the alarm goes off. Even when everything you're saying is true. In this episode of How Words Work, Jack Fox explains why honest people trigger the same alarm as the people who deserve it, asks whether your other words are getting in the way too, and puts the one question that matters in your hands. What is this costing you?

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