This is the third part of a three-part exploration of narcissistic personality style at the neurotic level of personality organization.

In this episode, Dr. Ettensohn examines the defensive architecture of neurotic-level narcissism, including the characteristic defenses that allow individuals to manage conflict, preserve relationships, and maintain self-esteem without resorting to the identity fragmentation or reality distortion seen at more severe levels of personality organization.

Drawing on the Defense Mechanisms Rating Scale (DMRS), this episode explores obsessional defenses such as isolation of affect, intellectualization, and undoing, as well as neurotic defenses including repression, reaction formation, and displacement. Through clinical examples, personal reflections, and portrayals from film and literature, Dr. Ettensohn illustrates how these defenses shape emotional experience, interpersonal relationships, and the therapeutic process.

The episode also examines how narcissistic concerns manifest at the neurotic level, including struggles with self-worth, dependency, vulnerability, perfectionism, and grief. Particular attention is given to transference, countertransference, and the unique opportunities and challenges that emerge in psychotherapy with neurotic-level narcissistic personalities.

While neurotic-level functioning represents a profound developmental achievement, it also introduces new emotional realities. As the capacity for integration grows, so too does the capacity to experience loss, guilt, limitation, and sorrow. The movement toward greater psychological health is not the elimination of suffering, but the ability to bear it without abandoning oneself or others.

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About Heal NPD Heal NPD is a clinical practice specializing in the assessment and treatment of pathological narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, and related personality difficulties. We offer comprehensive diagnostic assessments, individual psychotherapy, and consultations for partners and family members.

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Dr. Mark Ettensohn examines the experience of emptiness in narcissistic personality disorder and other forms of personality pathology.

Rather than approaching personality disorders as collections of traits or behaviors, the episode frames them as disturbances in identity. Dr. Ettensohn outlines how the sense of self is constructed through early relational experience and how disruptions in that process can lead to unstable, fragmented, or underdeveloped self-experience.

The discussion focuses on the role of dissociation and splitting in shaping identity, and how different self-states may become organized around incompatible relational experiences. In this context, emptiness is not simply a feeling, but reflects aspects of the self that were never fully recognized, mirrored, or integrated in development.

Dr. Ettensohn also addresses a common misunderstanding in public discourse, where narcissism is equated with observable traits such as arrogance or entitlement. He explains why these descriptions capture only one part of a broader system involving both grandiose and vulnerable states, and how focusing solely on behavior obscures the underlying psychological structure.

The episode concludes with a discussion of clinical implications, emphasizing why treatments that focus only on behavior often fall short, and why effective work with narcissistic pathology requires attention to identity, relational process, and the integration of dissociated aspects of self-experience.

Additional Resources Website: https://healnpd.org Newsletter: https://healnpd.substack.com

Purchase Unmasking Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Your Life: https://amzn.to/3nG9FgH

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About Heal NPD Heal NPD is a clinical practice specializing in the assessment and treatment of pathological narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, and related personality difficulties. We offer comprehensive diagnostic assessments, individual psychotherapy, and consultations for partners and family members.

Learn more or inquire about services: https://healnpd.org

This episode continues the Heal NPD Seminar Series with Dr. Mark Ettensohn, joined by his associates Deanna Young, Psy.D., and Danté Spencer, Ph.D.

In this session, the group discusses the paper “Living with Pathological Narcissism: A Qualitative Study” (Day et al., 2020), which examines narcissistic personality pathology from the perspective of partners and family members.

Unlike most research on narcissism, this study does not rely on self-report or clinician ratings. Instead, it draws on qualitative descriptions from over 400 individuals in close relationships with someone exhibiting high levels of pathological narcissistic traits. These accounts provide a window into how narcissism is experienced interpersonally, particularly in intimate and long-term relationships.

The discussion focuses on the study’s central finding: that pathological narcissism is best understood as a system characterized by the co-occurrence of grandiosity and vulnerability. Loved ones described patterns of entitlement, arrogance, and need for admiration alongside insecurity, hypersensitivity, emotional instability, and chronic feelings of emptiness. In the majority of cases, these features were not separate “types,” but fluctuating states within the same individual.

The group explores how these findings challenge common assumptions about narcissism, including the tendency to equate it with overt grandiosity or interpersonal abusiveness. Particular attention is given to the limitations of DSM-based models, which emphasize observable traits while underrepresenting the internal dysregulation and vulnerability that define the disorder.

The conversation also examines broader relational and developmental themes, including:

• The oscillation between grandiose and vulnerable self-states
• The role of dissociation and splitting in personality organization
• The impact of early attachment trauma and “empathic failures”
• How narcissistic dynamics are expressed and amplified within close relationships
• The tendency for polarized, dehumanizing narratives to emerge in response to relational injury

Finally, the group discusses the concept of “narcissistic abuse,” noting that while experiences of harm in these relationships are real and often significant, the term itself is not a well-defined clinical construct. The discussion emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between lived experience and explanatory frameworks, and of maintaining a nuanced, non-reductive understanding of personality pathology.

Key themes include:

• Pathological narcissism as a dysregulated self-state system
• The interdependence of grandiosity and vulnerability
• Limitations of categorical and trait-based models of narcissism
• The relational expression of personality pathology
• The role of trauma, attachment, and development in narcissistic adaptation
• Clinical implications for assessment, formulation, and treatment

This series is intended for clinicians, trainees, and viewers seeking a nuanced, clinically grounded understanding of narcissism beyond popular discourse.

To learn more about our work, visit: www.HealNPD.org

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Citation: Day, N. J. S., Townsend, M. L., & Grenyer, B. F. S. (2020). Living with pathological narcissism: A qualitative study. Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation, 7(19).

Full Text Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles...

About Heal NPD Heal NPD is a clinical practice specializing in the assessment and treatment of pathological narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, and related personality difficulties. We offer comprehensive diagnostic assessments, individual psychotherapy, and consultations for partners and family members.

Learn more or inquire about services: https://healnpd.org