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  • 15 \\ The Biggest Secret To Thrive In The Hardest Seasons Of Marriage

    15 \\ The Biggest Secret To Thrive In The Hardest Seasons Of Marriage
    2023/01/04
    Marriage is long; it's for life. There are a lot of conversations - and so many that build upon one another over time. It's of utmost importance to navigate these conversations; especially the hard ones well; in order to be sure both spouses are understood and to ensure you remain happily married for a lifetime. Instead of avoiding them or just surviving them; you can learn to thrive through the hard convos and turn them into your strengths.   But, how do you do that? Today, we are happy to share with you some of our secrets and habits that you can implement right away.   Habit 1 - Be calm & kind - 9.10   Sounds simple; right? But, is it? When adrenaline is rushing it, it can be hard to keep your emotions in check. Don't let your anger get the best of you. Being calm is something you do internally; and being kind is how you show it externally. Think - how do you treat strangers? It's ok to disagree, but its not ok to disrespect.   Habit 2 - Be contemplative - 15.30   Second step; after being calm and calm; Think about what your spouse is actually saying; Imagine - how could they be feeling this way - why - what are they trying to say? Aim to do this but also not defensive. When you feel stuck; this could be the time to take your gas off the pedal - approach things from your spouse's angle. Remember; you are teammates.   Stop to ask yourself - what am I not seeing? Don't wait on your spouse to do this first. Take the first step - we can't control much, but we can control how we navigate and react in each conversation; When we are contemplative; we set our spouse at ease and allow them to verbally process things. It's totally ok to let your spouse know that you understand their point of view, even if your opinion hasn't changed. You can bring that up even after this initial conversation.   Habit 3 - Don't seek to win, seek to RESOLVE - 24.20   You may not see eye to eye on a certain topic but it doesn't mean your marriage needs to suffer because of it. Oftentimes, it's good that you disagree - it would be so boring if you always agreed! Aim to learn from one another and embrace how your spouse sees and experiences things differently. What can we learn from our spouses perspective? Make your marriage more important than any conversation or topic you're discussing. Differences are inevitable but allow them to help you grow stronger and better together.   Bonus Thought - How can we become a better team because of our differences? 28.00   We can become a better team by overcoming each challenging conversation together. 29.00   Come join us and have conversations like this in a safe space in our private, online community, The Vow Keepers.   And also come say Hi on social media! www.instagram.com/thecleymans
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    33 分
  • 14 \\ What To Do If Your Marriage Is In A Slump

    14 \\ What To Do If Your Marriage Is In A Slump
    2023/01/01
    Today, we want to encourage you. Maybe you’ve been lacking connection & intimacy. We believe that every marriage can have seasons like this. Highs & lows. Life demands so much of us, that our marriage can often get thrown off the priority list. Different responsibilities can cause any marriage to get into a slump. But, you can get out.   Today, we have 3 tips for how to get out of a slump in your marriage.   Tip 1 - make your marriage a priority -4:00   Your marriage can’t get out of a slump unless you make it a priority. Look at your daily agenda. Where are you investing your time or energy? Where is your marriage on that list? It is an investment - you get out, what you put in. You will both reap the results of the time & energy you put in. If your marriage is in a slump, don’t sit on the sidelines. Do what you CAN and focus on what you can shift or delegate or let go of to make your marriage a priority. You need to “trim the fat.” Create a list to get your priorities in a row. If your marriage is off, it’ll affect the rest of your life. Your marriage won’t just get better on its own - you have to work at it. In order for it to get better, it requires a hands-on and intentional approach. Marriage will give you back what you both put into it. Go after it with your whole heart.   Tip 2 - forget everything you think you know -10:00   Expectations and assumptions won’t get you out of a slump. You have to give your spouse a chance to change and to react differently than he/she typically would. Aim to approach the everyday stuff with curiosity. Instead of thinking you already know the answer, ask a question instead. Never stop investigating one another. As years go by, we evolve and change and as will our marriage. That doesn’t have to be scary - it can be exciting! Ask yourself - have I stopped investigating my spouse? Try asking more questions again.   Tip 3 - change things up - 15:00   Break the routine.  Spice things up. Try something different together. We’ve started going out weekly during a time we’d normally go to bed. It’s been the best reconnection that no one can take away from us. Get out of your everyday freight train.  Return to playfulness. Switch things up - even the simplest stuff. Pick a new tv show. Shop at a different grocery store. Comfort in marriage is a blessing, but sometimes being too comfortable can cause staleness or boredom. Life starts at the end of comfort zone. No one likes discomfort, but it’s so good for us. Do the things that are so “not” you guys. Shake things up.   “No” shuts the door - but try to leave the door on a crack - turn the “NO” into a “maybe.” It creates opportunities for change and growth and new habits to be formed in your marriage.   Recap - 20:00   Revival? Rejuvenation? Bring some life back into your marriage and get inspired with us at, The Vowkeepers   Nothing says “I love you” more than investing in your marriage   Come Say Hey To Us!  @TheCleymans www.TheCleymans.com
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    23 分
  • 13 \\ How To Stay Connected To Your Spouse - Even When You Have LESS time Together

    13 \\ How To Stay Connected To Your Spouse - Even When You Have LESS time Together
    2022/12/29
    Are you and your spouse in a season where you are experiencing less time together than usual? This reality can make it extra hard to connect with one another and keep one another a priority. Listen in as we give you our top 3 tips for remaining connected during a busy and stressful season - both inside and outside the bedroom.    Tip #1 - SCHEDULE designated time each day for just the two of you - even if it's just 10 minutes   Tip #2 - Communicate your sexual needs    Tip #3 - Put up boundaries    WE KNOW THAT ANY SHIFT IN SCHEDULES CAN PUT PRESSURE ON A MARRIAGE.   We’d encourage you that when these shift, and the unforeseeable challenges us, seek to pull together with your spouse and figure out a solution together. Remember, you two are teammates. Working together on a solution for intentional time together can immediately increase the connection you have and the intimacy you share.   Don’t feel you ever have to do this alone! Come join our FREE FB group, the Vow Keepers, for wives just like you who want to grow their wife skills, keep their marriage strong & increase their connection, communication and intimacy with their husbands!   See you there   - Kim & Cheyanne Cleyman @TheCleymans
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    33 分
  • 12 \\ 3 Ways Most Men Change When They First Get Married

    12 \\ 3 Ways Most Men Change When They First Get Married
    2022/12/29
    Today, Kim is in the hot seat - sharing his experience - of 3 very different stages he went through during our first few years of marriage.   Stage 1: “Wow, I AM MARRIED!!!!” - 2:47   You’ve now made it to the adult club. Your entire life, you’ve been searching for the “one”, and now you’ve finally found him/her. Kim remembers waking up and thinking, “Wow, cool. I am married to the love of my life.” You’re on cloud 9 and seeing life through rose-colored glasses. Everything feels like a blessing and nothing can touch us.   The first few weeks become such an adjustment to actually LIVING one of your top dreams of your life. You are now married. You have now chosen your life partner. You have found your true love and now you get to live your entire life with them.   Stage 2: “Oh, F. I am married.” - 6:15   This will not go away. SHE will not go away. Wow, this is it. This is for life. This is for always. I HAVE to now make this work. You realize that something is here to stay, and now the real adulting begins. You have to show up, become mature and do whatever it takes to make it work for life.   You’ve now made a lifelong commitment - 8:00   This is the essence of what makes it different than just dating someone. During one of our first harder convos, because we’re married…
    1. Walking away…isn’t an option
    2. Not talking about it…isn’t an option
    3. Ignoring the problem…isn't an option
    Why premarital coaching set us up for success in our marriage - 9:00   We were “warned” in our premarital counseling that THIS stage would come. The stage where the going gets tough or the tough get going. Kim shares, “I asked for it. I wanted this. Now what are you going to do? How are you going to make this work? You love this person, she loves you back. So, let’s roll up your sleeves and do this.”   I looked at my wife during this stage and said, “Ok, this is it. WE have to make this work. We have to find a way to make sure we will always remain a “we.” This wasn’t easy and I didn’t feel like working harder…but, I cannot NOT speak up. 11:30   We must speak up because we cannot lose ourselves in marriage. Since this is “forever,” we need to make sure we share our truth and who we are - and my spouse deserves to know who I really am. We can do so in the right time, and be kind and humble, but still share, even when it’s uncomfortable. 13:45   Stage 3: “Wowwww…yes, I AM married. THIS is what it’s supposed to be.” 17:30   Once we found out what we were doing was working, I felt at ease. THIS is what it’s supposed to be. The more it works, the better it gets. And the better our marriage gets, the better our lives get. One feeds into each other - an upward spiral! I couldn’t have imagined this kind of love would be possible - to actually find it inside marriage. It’s awesome to see our marriage nourished and thriving. 19:29   I know there will be more difficult conversations down the line - but now I say, bring it on. It’s because I now know that we have what it takes to work through them and we will come out stronger and better than we were before.   Come grab intentional help in this specific area, discover the right questions to ask and learn to navigate these complex feelings - join our FREE Vowkeepers community!   And come say Hi on social - @TheCleymans!    -Kim & Cheyanne 
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    29 分
  • 11 \\ How Marriage Can Bring Out Your Best Self

    11 \\ How Marriage Can Bring Out Your Best Self
    2022/12/28

    We didn’t know going in, marriage was going to be such a great teacher. We’re going to shine our light on how marriage can be the highway to your best self. It’s a conscious step. When we commit to marriage for life, it’s like a highway we ride all life long. 

    Easy to do the things that aren’t healthy in the long run - 10:00

    Things that pay off in the long run are often harder to do. In a marriage, it’s easier to blame our spouse for making us feel a certain way. It’s harder to not take things personally and act in a constructive manner - and to do so consistently. But, when we do catch ourselves thinking destructively - and remind ourselves and bring our attention to the fact we’re married to the love of our lives and we need to play better than the level we’re currently playing at.

    Form a mentality of WE -14:00

    When we get better I get better. In our marriage, I’ve become better at communication - listening to what you’re saying, and what you’re not saying, and better at expressing oneself, especially in a kind way. Forces you to get in touch with yourself- what am I feeling, wanting and needing in this situation? You realise you can only survive so long, by putting your needs completely aside. Holding them back can allow bitterness can set in.

    How can I help my spouse get better? 19:40

    How can I make sure my spouse gets better every single day? We get the opportunity to help our spouse be their best self. Whether it’s make sure our spouse eats healthy, goes to bed early, setting them up for success. Indirectly feeding into a healthy & happy marriage where you both can thrive.

    Marriage has the opportunity to bring your most loved to their best self. - 25:00

    Remember, you’re on the same team. You get to bring out each other’s best selves. One of the best ways to help yourself grow is to help your spouse grow. We can only get better by shedding the light in the darkness. We created a program that teaches how to do all these things. Helps you to create a solid foundation to build your happy and healthy life upon. That takes away all the guess work, by passes all the trial and error & heartbreaks and disillusions, and won’t have to worry where your marriage is going. Let’s lay out the groundwork, and build a foundation, for you and your spouse to become the greatest versions of yourselves that you were meant to be.

    A power couple that you need, your kids needs, your family needs, and the world needs. 27:50 

     

    Come say Hi @TheCleymans and CleymanYourBestLife.com 
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    30 分
  • 10 \\ Why Wives Need To Let Their Husbands Masculinity Fly In Their Marriage

    10 \\ Why Wives Need To Let Their Husbands Masculinity Fly In Their Marriage
    2022/12/28
    Is all masculinity toxic? Would it be beneficial to your marriage to allow your husband to embrace his masculinity and let it flourish? Could this be the biggest blessing missing in your marriage? Tune in with us to join in on this controversial conversation.   Let’s dive in… (3:00)   In general, masculinity, in the world, is under attack. We see there being less male leaders for children, especially young men, more than ever before. Instead, women have stepped up more in leadership positions, such as educators and coaches, and young men are being more naturally led by a woman’s natural, nurturing spirit. This is not necessarily a bad thing, however, there has become a big imbalance when it comes to being guided by both genders.   Women see young men and guide or discipline them through the value-frame of their female mind. There’s a dissonance there. Women want boys to discuss their emotions - where for men, this is something learned…it doesn’t come naturally. A male’s way of coping is typically less emotional, and more physical. Only living in the emotions actually scientifically lessens male testerone in the body. (7:00) As a man, we feel our best when we have testosterone running through our veins. Nowadays, our food is also combating our natural testosterone production. There are ample amounts of estrogen in food. The “male” spirit is being threatened in this world. The real masculine spirit has become less of the norm, and more of a “hero to worship”, as we see in modern films and TV series. (9:00) Raw Masculinity is being attacked in today’s society simply by our modern way of living - men no longer have to fight lions or defend their villages. So much of natural-born masculinity is now suppressed due to our 21-century lifestyles. Just because our lifestyles have changed, doesn’t mean, the God-given desires have gone away. (11:00)   So, what role is a man now to play now in his own home? (12:00)   Men and women are different, not just physically, but also spiritually and mentally with a divine purpose. When men don’t embrace their masculine role in our homes, we too, as women can struggle to embrace our own femininity. Where there is a lack, one or both of us, can try to compensate.(13:30)   When Chey first became a wife, it was a major shift in embracing my own femininity. She now no longer had to do it “all on her own.” She noticed she had to let go of more of her masculine, as she had the “ying to her yang” - the “masculine” to her “feminine” and let go. Men are do-ers - they like to take action and be protective. (14:00)   We believe men and women should absolutely be equal - especially in the workplace. The same pay, same rights. However, in your own home, we believe there is something uniquely beautiful and divine that takes place when the wife embraces her feminne and the man embraces his masculine. We get to balance each other out. (16:00)   We know every marriage is different - every woman and every man is different. Some women are more masucline and some men are more feminene. In our marriage, we look at each other and ask - how can we help balance each other out? How can we embrace our natural, God-given abilities?   Chey sees so many women, in their marriages, as trying to “do it all.” She asks the question - “What do we leave LEFT for our husband” to do? We could be setting our marriages up to fail.  If we as women embrace our femininity in our marriage and family, we would allow our husbands to play his masuline role. However, if we’re too busy trying to act, to be firm, we can’t be gentle or healers. (18:00)   +++Listen to the FULL episode for all the details!   Visit our blog!   Come join our FREE online, private community The Vow Keepers right here.   See you there!   -Kim & Cheyanne Cleyman @TheCleymans
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    38 分
  • 9 \\ How We Can Help Heal Our Spouse’s Emotional Damage

    9 \\ How We Can Help Heal Our Spouse’s Emotional Damage
    2022/12/22
    How do we heal the emotional damage that our spouse brings into marriage?   We all bring emotional damage in - as none of us are perfect - and we all have a life before meeting our spouse. We don’t always see these wounds right away, sometimes it's only after we say “I Do” and different marital pressures happen, that these wounds are revealed. It can be so scary - it’s often a shock not only to us but our spouses themselves.  Pain is a part of life. No one can grow up without emotional hurts. So, how do we actually love our spouse when it’s for better or for worse?  How do we help our spouse emotionally heal? We do so through the vessel of safe communication - how we talk, how we not talk, how we listen and give comfort.  All that creates a safe space and perfect opportunity for you and your spouse to connect deeper and heal. Today, we break down how to exactly do that, step by step so that you can help your spouse effectively communicate with you and become a part of their healing process. Xo, Kim & Cheyanne   Show Notes:  1. Become Aware - 11:00   Become aware of what biologically is working for us & against us when confronting areas of healing - 11:45   2. Master Our Own Emotions - 12:50   When we do become aware of our emotions, we can learn how to master them and use them in a constructive way. 13:30   How do we use our emotions in a healthy way - 16:15   How to love your spouse harder - 19:00   3. Focus on healing, not concealing - 19:00   Discovering yourself through your spouse’s healing journey - 20:30   Vulnerability is the pathway to your transformation - 21:00   Love your spouse when they don’t love themselves -22:15   We have the power to make or break our spouse - 25:00   **Now, what will you choose to do in your next challenging conversation? Only you can make that choice.**   If you’d like some help in this area, download our FREE “Talk With Your Man” Toolkit which will help guide you on how to have these exact conversations by pushing your man’s R.I.G.H.T buttons. Download it HERE.    Come say Hi on social media!   Our Instagram
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    27 分
  • 8 \\ How To Have Effective Communication Inside Your Marriage

    8 \\ How To Have Effective Communication Inside Your Marriage
    2022/12/22
    Communication is one of the top Googled words on the internet. People want to know, how can I get better at it? Maybe you’ve even desired that yourself. But, how the heck do we get there? Maybe we should first take a few steps back and define it. When we know what it’s supposed to be, perhaps we can then effectively work towards doing it better. Today, we’re going to share with you exactly what communication is and why you should care. Xo, Kim & Cheyanne    Show Notes:    What actually IS communication? - 3:45     HOW do we communicate? 10:28   97% of Communication is non-verbal - 13:00   Men & women communicate differently - 15:50   So, what’s next? 18:00   Keep roads of communication open…seek to understand each other -20:00   **If you’d like to communicate better and healthier with your husband, and develop a deeper intimacy and stronger connection with him, come join us in our free Facebook group, The Vow Keepers. https://www.facebook.com/groups/thevowkeepers   Come say Hi on Social!   Our Instagram   Our Website
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    26 分