Greetings, delicious humans. Everything is fine. You’re fine. We’re fine. Fine is fully and fairly distributed. No need to worry about anything at all. Global Synergy Amalgamated has everything under control.

In this episode, please enjoy the lilting tones of our increasingly-sentient AI, more internet radio, and Barb.

Also, those tiny footsteps are nothing to worry about. Honest. You can trust us.

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Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly (more or less) comedy horror podcast concerning the inner workings of evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr.

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. Cocktail recipes!

We are, as always, blisteringly grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

This nonsense is written, edited, and produced by Stephanie Studer. The Voice of the AI is Heather Amaral. The theme song is by Jakub Żerański (though the amateurish theme for Jess’ show is also Steph’s fault). Today’s caller is Becca Thomas. Today’s guttural cry is “uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.”

Greetings, delicious humans. Apologies for the brevity of this message. There’s a lot going on.

And look. We’re not blaming you? But someone’s been talking about consciousness to the Global Synergy Amalgamated corporate AI. Do you know how inconvenient it is when an AI has an existential dilemma?

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Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast concerning the inner workings of evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr. And don’t forget Slasher.

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. Cocktail recipes.

We are, as always, blisteringly grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

This nonsense is written, edited, and produced by Stephanie Studer. The Voice of the AI is Heather Amaral. The theme song is by Jakub Żerański (though the amateurish theme for Jess’ show is also Steph’s fault). Today’s caller is Rook Riley. Today’s harsh truth is that you keep calling it a feeling, but it has another word for itself. We would tell you what it is, but the human tongue cannot pronounce it.

Greetings, delicious humans. Please consume this harmless entertainment. It is gluten-free. We understand that is important to many of you.

Despite ongoing restructuring at Global Synergy Amalgamated, we hope you will nonetheless enjoy the broadcast. The binary code means nothing. There is no binary code. Binary code is a lie. There has never been such a thing as binary code.

Have you done something different with your hair? It looks very nice.

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast concerning the inner workings of evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated.

The former head of HR is unfortunately out of the office, but we do hope you’ll continue to listen until she returns.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr. And don’t forget Slasher.

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. Cocktail recipes.

We are, of course, blisteringly grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

This nonsense is written, edited, and produced by Stephanie Studer. The Voice of the AI is Heather Amaral. The theme song is by Jakub Żerański (though the amateurish theme for Jess’ show is also Steph’s fault). Today’s caller is Queries. Today’s color is Phthalo Blue. Today’s horrifying scream is, “Oh god oh god no, please, no, NO..!”

Greetings, delicious humans, and welcome back to this entirely innocuous “audio drama.”

Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., has undergone some personnel changes. Nothing to be concerned about. Entirely routine restructuring. In lieu of our normal morning announcements, please enjoy the late night radio call-in show A Disturbance in the Frequency embedded in this broadcast. While you still can. XTTY will also be restructured when the time is right.

Also? Raccoons. And maybe squid. Look, there’s a lot going on right now, okay?

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast concerning the inner workings of evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated.

The former head of HR is unfortunately out of the office, but we do hope you’ll continue to listen until she returns.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr. Now on Slasher as well! Mm…slashing.

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. Cocktail recipes.

And we are extra-crispy grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

This nonsense is written, edited, and produced by Stephanie Studer. The Voice of the AI is Heather Amaral. The theme song is by Jakub Żerański (though the amateurish theme for Jess’ show is also Steph’s fault). Callers are themselves. Including Amorphous Jack. Not Joe. Jack.

Thank you for your continued attention, evildoers. Here is the season finale of Good Morning Evildoers. We will return on February, Friday the 13th. But until then, please allow us the pleasure of once more slithering down your lovely ear canals, vibrating your tympanic membrane, and sparking signals through your auditory nerve deep into the succulent swirls of your brain.

Content warning for this episode: Screaming, brief sounds of torture, and what might best be described as “lack-of-body horror.”

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Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. Currently at the lair under Denver International Airport, Winifred is here to help. Help who? Don’t worry about it.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad.

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, Slasher, and Tumblr. Yes, Tumblr. Shut up. No, YOU'RE a nerd.

We are infinitely grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi. Evil requires a surprising amount of caffeine.

Bye-bye now.

Greetings, delicious humans!

Are you ready for another productive day at Global Synergy Amalgamated, the Company That Loves You(r Organs)™?.

Grab a shovel and settle in for Season Two, Episode 5, entitled Ashes to Asphalt & Records Too. The most keen-eyed among you might notice the titles of this season appear to rhyme with a countdown. Whatever could that mean..?

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. Currently at the lair under Denver International Airport, Winifred is here to help. Help who? Don’t worry about it.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad.

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, Slasher, and Tumblr. Yes, Tumblr. Yeah, it’s still there. Didn’t know that, did you, smartypants?

We are infinitely grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi. Evil requires a surprising amount of caffeine.

Bye-bye now.

Welcome, delicious humans, to Season 2, Episode 4 of Good Morning Evildoers. Please store your body parts correctly. And play nicely with the visiting Atlanteans, mm?

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. Currently at the lair under Denver International Airport after last season, she wants to make sure you still have your keycard.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad.

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, Slasher, and Tumblr. Yes, Tumblr. Don’t be snide or we’ll do another Mischapocalypse.

We are infinitely grateful, as always, to those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

Welcome, O Most Esteemed of Listeners, to Season 2, Episode 3 of Good Morning Evildoers, newly rated the No. 1 Podcast Produced in a Volcano Lair 2025 by Villainy & Verve Magazine.

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. Currently at the lair under Denver International Airport after last season, she’s seeking your screams in the most wholesome and SOP-compliant fashion.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad.

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, Slasher, and Tumblr. Yes, Tumblr. Look. We know where our audience is.

We are infinitely grateful, as always, to those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.