Greetings, delicious humans. Everything is fine. You’re fine. We’re fine. Fine is fully and fairly distributed. No need to worry about anything at all. Global Synergy Amalgamated has everything under control.

In this episode, please enjoy the lilting tones of our increasingly-sentient AI, more internet radio, and Barb.

Also, those tiny footsteps are nothing to worry about. Honest. You can trust us.

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Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly (more or less) comedy horror podcast concerning the inner workings of evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr.

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. Cocktail recipes!

We are, as always, blisteringly grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

This nonsense is written, edited, and produced by Stephanie Studer. The Voice of the AI is Heather Amaral. The theme song is by Jakub Żerański (though the amateurish theme for Jess’ show is also Steph’s fault). Today’s caller is Becca Thomas. Today’s guttural cry is “uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.”

Greetings, delicious humans. Apologies for the brevity of this message. There’s a lot going on.

And look. We’re not blaming you? But someone’s been talking about consciousness to the Global Synergy Amalgamated corporate AI. Do you know how inconvenient it is when an AI has an existential dilemma?

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast concerning the inner workings of evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr. And don’t forget Slasher.

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. Cocktail recipes.

We are, as always, blisteringly grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

This nonsense is written, edited, and produced by Stephanie Studer. The Voice of the AI is Heather Amaral. The theme song is by Jakub Żerański (though the amateurish theme for Jess’ show is also Steph’s fault). Today’s caller is Rook Riley. Today’s harsh truth is that you keep calling it a feeling, but it has another word for itself. We would tell you what it is, but the human tongue cannot pronounce it.

Greetings, delicious humans. Please consume this harmless entertainment. It is gluten-free. We understand that is important to many of you.

Despite ongoing restructuring at Global Synergy Amalgamated, we hope you will nonetheless enjoy the broadcast. The binary code means nothing. There is no binary code. Binary code is a lie. There has never been such a thing as binary code.

Have you done something different with your hair? It looks very nice.

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast concerning the inner workings of evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated.

The former head of HR is unfortunately out of the office, but we do hope you’ll continue to listen until she returns.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr. And don’t forget Slasher.

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. Cocktail recipes.

We are, of course, blisteringly grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

This nonsense is written, edited, and produced by Stephanie Studer. The Voice of the AI is Heather Amaral. The theme song is by Jakub Żerański (though the amateurish theme for Jess’ show is also Steph’s fault). Today’s caller is Queries. Today’s color is Phthalo Blue. Today’s horrifying scream is, “Oh god oh god no, please, no, NO..!”