Casey Sears is out here slinging homes like they’re rare Pokémon cards. You so much as whisper that you might be thinking about moving, and suddenly, BOOM—Casey’s materialized in your living room with a comparative market analysis and a whiteboard explaining your best listing strategy. It’s like he’s got a Spider-Sense for expired listings.
But that’s not enough. Oh no. He’s gotta take real estate marketing to the next level. Like, DragonCon mobile video truck level. Who does that?! You’re trying to sell a condo, and instead of a standard Zillow ad, you’re blasting Adult Swim-style commercials at 80,000 con-goers like it’s the season finale of Rick & Morty. Imagine someone in cosplay walking out of the Marriott, looking up, and going, “Did that truck just tell me to buy a loft?”
And let’s talk about this Legend of the Five Rings campaign. Casey, this isn’t just a TTRPG. This is Mission: Impossible – Feudal Japan Edition. You’ve got spies on top of spies, people working against their own party, secret agendas, secret-secret agendas—your players are gonna need CIA training just to keep up. At this point, is this even a game, or are you just live-testing the next great HBO drama?
Social media? Oh, he’s got that covered too. We’re talking head spa self-care vlogs, real estate music videos, and somehow, somehow, this all ties back to geek culture. Casey is out here running content like he’s got a team of interns, but plot twist—it’s just him, fueled by caffeine and the raw energy of an overbooked calendar.
And speaking of overbooked—DragonCon, MomoCon… CaseyCon? Because let’s be honest, at this point, they should just give you your own panel: “How to Do Everything at Once and Still Make It to a Closing.” Between the podcasts, the marketing, and the gaming discussions, I don’t even know if Casey is a person anymore or just a sentient con badge that sells houses on the side.
Then there’s Elite Dangerous. My dude has an Anaconda and a billion credits. A billion. But let’s be real, this isn’t a game for him. This is how he stress-tests his patience between appraisals. “Ah yes, another property inspection delay? Time to mine void opals in deep space until I forget.”
And I haven’t even mentioned the Krispy Kreme Peach Cobbler. Casey, what even is that? Are you a realtor or some kind of dessert-wielding alchemist? What’s next? Waffle House Filet Mignon? Chick-fil-A Sushi?
Look, I respect the hustle. I do. But at this point, I’m starting to think there are multiple Casey Sears running around. Either that or you’ve got access to some kind of time dilation spell that lets you cram 36 hours into a day.
So I’ll leave you with this—Casey, buddy, take a break. Roll a rest check. Maybe, just maybe, let a single thing be just for fun instead of also being a brand opportunity.
…Nah, who am I kidding? See you at the next open house-slash-podcast-slash-gaming convention.
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