In this powerful solo episode of the Able to Care podcast, Andy Baker challenges the way society responds to behaviour across ages. Why do we offer compassion to crying babies but demand self-control from teens, adults, and elders in distress?

Drawing on attachment theory, trauma, neurodiversity, and polyvagal theory, Andy explores how the instincts we have for infants could (and should) shape how we support older children and adults. This is a free, thought-provoking resource for parents, teachers, and carers looking to better understand behaviour, promote emotional safety, and respond with empathy instead of judgement.

This episode is proudly sponsored by Order your card today

• Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge

• More resources at: www.andybaker.xyz

1. Behaviour is communication, not manipulation. Whether it’s a baby crying or an adult shouting, it’s a signal – not a moral failing.

2. Use regulation before reasoning. Emotional states need soothing before language or logic can be effective.

3. Ask better questions. Shift from “Why are they doing this?” to “What need might they be trying to express?”

• 00:00 - The crying baby analogy that changes everything

• 00:48 - Sponsor: Carers Card UK

• 01:56 - Why this approach matters in behaviour training and care

• 02:19 - Babies = compassion. Adults = control?

• 03:05 - Reframing tantrums, shutdowns, and aggression

• 04:25 - Attachment theory, trauma, and the brain

• 05:58 - Real-world examples: school, care homes, and beyond

• 07:02 - Expectations vs. actual ability

• 08:07 - Knowing better isn’t the same as being able to do better

• 08:47 - Rethinking “attention seeking” and “manipulation”

• 09:27 - What if they were two years old? Try that lens

• 10:03 - Calm first, logic later

• 10:49 - Create space for emotion; model empathy

• 11:24 - A reflection challenge: how do your expectations shape your reactions?

• 12:04 - Closing thoughts: honouring the humanity behind behaviour

Whether you're raising children, teaching pupils, or supporting vulnerable adults, this episode invites you to rethink your response to distress. If you’ve ever wondered why someone’s reaction feels "too much", this will shift your lens from judgement to compassionate curiosity.

You’ll leave with a simple but powerful framework to approach behaviour not as something to “fix”, but as something to understand – because what we call difficult behaviour is often a difficult experience in disguise.

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Designed to support all those who care – paid or unpaid, in schools, homes or workplaces.

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