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What if the standard rules of dating and sex were written for someone else’s brain? We sit down with researcher and PhD candidate Kai Schweizer to unpack how neurodivergent people experience desire, consent, and relationships—and why structure and clarity often unlock deeper intimacy. From sensory processing differences to executive function, social style, and learning patterns, we explore how touch, smell, sound, and texture shape pleasure and boundaries. Kai shares why kink can offer safety and ease for autistic folks, how masks and roles reduce social load, and why frameworks like FRIES make consent feel safe, sexy, and specific.

We dig into the double empathy problem and what happens when two communication dialects collide. Expect practical tools for translating across styles: using checklists without killing the mood, choosing verbal cues over guesswork, and deciding—together—whether a moment calls for venting, distraction, or solutions. We also get real about interoception and delayed emotions, why ADHD conflict often needs separation time, and how to support a partner who processes out loud. Along the way we touch on higher rates of gender and sexual diversity among neurodivergent folks, and why late diagnosis can increase vulnerability to coercive dynamics.

One of the most eye-opening parts of the conversation is memory foaming—the tendency to reshape yourself to fit a partner. Kai offers simple practices to keep a solid sense of self: solo hobbies, personal aesthetics, friends beyond the couple bubble, and regular check-ins on what you genuinely like. For educators and curious partners, we make the case for co-designed sex education that includes sensory mapping, explicit consent scripts, and communication models that actually work for different brains.

If this conversation gave you language for your own experience—or helped you better understand someone you love—subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review. Your support helps more people find evidence-based, shame-free conversations about sex, identity, and being gloriously human.

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