Who has the right to ask about your life — and what must you honestly be ready to answer?

Rabbi Klapper begins by pulling back the curtain on the shidduch-checking process: resumes, shadchanim, references, and phone calls that feel like mini-interrogations. He warns against being boxed by a polarized system and shows why clarity about your hashkafah and life direction must come first. Parents, shadchanim, and references each bring their own viewpoint (and sometimes their own wish-list), so you need to know what matters to you and make sure others represent you accurately. Rabbi Klapper uses a short but sharp story about Rav Shach to remind us that some questions are about the parent’s priorities, not the child’s — and that honesty on basic points (smoking, davening, work/learning habits) saves time and heartbreak.

Practically: treat the resume and references as tools, not final judgments. Before you say “yes” to a date, prepare a clear one-paragraph statement of your goals and hand your shadchan 2–3 trusted references (including one independent source if possible). Ask your shadchan to confirm one concrete fact (e.g., waking for Shacharis, smoking, or day-to-day reliability) and don’t hide issues that must be discussed later in private. The process may feel invasive, but used wisely it protects both hearts and time — and helps make sure the match is truly matim.

Hosted by Rabbi Ari Klapper and produced by Eli Podcast Productions, this episode is part of the Real Judaism series, available on RealJudaism.org. Don’t forget to subscribe and share to stay connected with our daily lessons and timeless Torah insights!