How the fuck did I get here?

That question has been on repeat in my head since I landed in Great Falls, Montana. A year ago, I lost my job, and what felt like a crisis quickly became a lesson in surrender. I spent months trying to trust the process, but as my bank account drained, so did my patience. Out of over 100 job applications in 11 states, only Montana called back. And just like that, I packed up my life and moved to a city I’d never even visited before my interview.

Looking back, I realize this didn’t happen overnight. It started with a terrible second date in September 2023 that led me to swipe on someone from Montana, which planted the seed that maybe Minnesota wasn’t where I was meant to be. From there, a series of small but significant moments including random connections, impulsive trips, and unexpected friendships all pushed me further down a path I wasn’t even aware I was on. When I finally let go of trying to control everything, the universe made the decision for me.

Now, I’m here, alone in a one-bedroom apartment, my kids still in Minnesota, our home filled with the people I love, but without me. That house was more than just walls. It was the center of my world, sheltering my family in ways I never fully appreciated until now. And yet, I know I can’t go back. Every time I’ve tried to recreate something from my past, it’s only led to a distorted version of what once was.

So, I have to move forward, even if I don’t know what that looks like yet. The blank slate in front of me is both terrifying and full of possibility. I don’t have the answers, and I don’t feel ready. But maybe that’s the point.

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