
Ep #183: The Cost of Being Who You Think They Want
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Are you performing your life—or truly living it?
In this episode, the conversation explores the tension between performing for acceptance and the deep human desire for belonging. Many of us learn early on to shape-shift, hide parts of ourselves, or show up as who we think we should be—especially in relationships, careers, or community. But this constant performance comes at a cost: disconnection, anxiety, and a loss of authenticity.
The episode dives into the neuroscience behind people-pleasing and masking, linking it to survival responses like fawning and dissociation. Drawing from yogic wisdom and somatic awareness, it invites listeners to notice where they feel safe to be real—and where they don’t.
You’ll hear personal stories, reflection prompts, and key insights on how to shift from performing to belonging—through courage, boundaries, nervous system regulation, and community.
💭 Because real belonging doesn’t ask you to shrink. It asks you to show up, messy and whole.
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Episode Chapters:
00:00:00 Introduction
00:03:16 Performing vs. Belonging
00:06:27 People-pleasing & masking
00:09:44 The fawn response explained
00:12:36 Emotional masking in childhood
00:15:02 The nervous system and identity
00:17:55 Belonging vs. fitting in (Brené Brown)
00:20:41 When authenticity feels dangerous
00:24:08 Somatic cues for safety
00:26:33 Real belonging through truth
00:29:17 Boundaries and nervous system repair
00:31:54 Letting go of performance
00:33:48 Closing meditation & reflection
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📚 Mentions & Resources:
Brené Brown: Belonging vs. fitting in
Polyvagal theory: Fawn response, nervous system safety
Concepts: Masking, emotional safety, dissociation, somatic awareness
Practices: Grounding, reflection, inner child awareness
Michael Henri’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michaelyoga.pt/
Going Pro Yoga’s Instagram: https://www.instagram/com/goingproyoga/
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Tags: authenticity, people-pleasing, fawn response, nervous system, belonging vs fitting in, performance, self-worth, trauma healing, yoga and emotions, somatic healing, identity, boundaries